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Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 510702 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #765 on: February 20, 2013, 03:26:26 PM »
That's like the guy who got all up in arms because, in the third pirate movie, Jack and Davy Jones are fighting on the yardarm of a ship during a maelstrom and thunderstorm, and call it "against the laws of physics"

It's an adventure/fantasy, for crying out loud. It's Disney.  There are mermaids, guys with squids for faces and crab claws instead of hands on ships that absorb crewmembers and go below the surface of the water in a time before submarines.  Mythological creatures and people who come back from the dead.  And he expects them to obey laws of physics?
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Elfmama

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #766 on: February 20, 2013, 03:34:19 PM »
My mom's father (Pa-Pa to me) was like this - almost no topic was safe to discuss with him. Gas prices? Gotta find the cheapest, because the gas is 'fresher'. Food? All you can eat is the only kind of restaurant for him - if they make the plates, they cheat you and make their own lunch from what you should have been given. Weather? In his day....

I loved him, but NEVER talked about anything with him.

I think that is the saddest part of my relationship with DH. I can't ever talk about anything with him because he is a CKIA. Anything I might say, even just a passing statement of opinion is immediately refuted. I can't ever be right about anything and if I do persist to prove I'm right, he just drops the subject and refuses to continue the discussion.
Mine gets mad.  "Why do you always have to prove that you're right?"  Because you never believe me, DuH.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

faithlessone

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #767 on: February 20, 2013, 04:35:32 PM »
I sometimes encounter a different version of the Captain Know It All and that's someone who serves up a fact about something and gets offended when you already know about it.  I have a relative who does this a lot.   "Say, did you know that the Earth revolves around the sun?!"  And when I say that I did know that, they get pouty about it, like how DARE I know that?????.  It is so bizarre. 

Maybe that should go in the brain hurt thread...

There was a girl like that on my course at university. The worst thing was that she'd get like that about our own course material. I'm talking about basic things, stuff that was practically general knowledge, and that anyone who liked our subject enough to consider getting a degree in it would obviously know. She would also repeat things verbatim from earlier classes (to her fellow students), and be outraged that we weren't impressed that she had remembered.

I always figured that she'd been top-top of her class at school, and hated the fact that she was now surrounded by peers (and superiors) instead of underlings.

However, I didn't socialise with her outside of class (thankfully), so I don't know whether she was like that about every subject, or just ours. From the stories I've heard on here, I would imagine she was probably a bit of a universal CKIA. :)

Softly Spoken

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #768 on: February 20, 2013, 05:02:56 PM »
Isn't it interesting how CKIAs are so adept at causing brain hurts - either a stress headache just from having to deal with them, or because the so-called "knowledge" they are spouting is blatantly ridiculous!

In reference to the movie-realism CKIAs mentioned upthread:

While watching the film Gladiator, my CKIA brother (who is really Caption Clueless!) pointed to a scene where Russell Crowe cuts another fighters head off in the area and said scornfully "That's not real!"  ??? ??? ??? ??? My other brother and I could only stare at him. I mean, I know stunt people get paid to take risks but... ::) Seriously? Was my brother actually complaining that they didn't really cut off a live person's head?? It wasn't a bad special effect. So did he think we were stupid enough to think it was real?... We could only shake our heads sadly and go back to watching the movie before the migraine set it.

PS: I was actually under the impression that sucking the venom out of a snakebite didn't work, so I never heard about the "preferred" oil method. Anyone know a lot about snakes and/or first aid and want to clarifying this in a non-CKIA way? ;)
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark

Slartibartfast

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #769 on: February 20, 2013, 05:05:52 PM »
I can confidently say that a mouthful of oil before sucking on a corn snake bite will result in neither person getting poisoned.  Then again, there's no poison involved to begin with, so . . .

(And yes, I'm one of those people who watched "Snakes on a Plane" and tried to identify all the non-venomous snakes they used.  It was a lot.)

Iris

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #770 on: February 20, 2013, 11:19:15 PM »
Sucking the venom out hasn't been the advised method here (Australia) for a very long time. And we know our snakes, trust me.

A pressure bandage and immobilisation followed by medical treatment asap is the accepted method for most bites now.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Elfmama

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #771 on: February 20, 2013, 11:24:21 PM »
It is here in the US, too.  However, "sucking the poison out" is one of those memes that refuses to die.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

mbbored

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #772 on: February 20, 2013, 11:59:25 PM »
I sometimes encounter a different version of the Captain Know It All and that's someone who serves up a fact about something and gets offended when you already know about it.  I have a relative who does this a lot.   "Say, did you know that the Earth revolves around the sun?!"  And when I say that I did know that, they get pouty about it, like how DARE I know that?????.  It is so bizarre. 

Maybe that should go in the brain hurt thread...

So, you're related to my mother, then? The craziest part is she does this about areas in which my siblings and I have advanced degrees or places we've lived in that she's never visited. The most recent one was with my brother over Christmas. "Did you know there are two languages in China?" "Yes, Mom, I lived there for three years." "Well, you don't have to brag about it."

PeterM

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #773 on: February 21, 2013, 02:29:01 AM »
Someone who expects logic from Snakes on a Plane?  A movie that had plot holes big enough to drive my pick-up truck through, starting with the whole idea of using a bunch of snakes to bring down a passenger jet when a black market missle launcher would have been much cheaper and faster?  That belongs in the Brain Hurt thread.   :o

No, no. A time-released crate full of snakes was the only way to kill the federal witness on the plane. Nothing else would've worked. The big bad guy said so, and why would he lie?

Ceallach

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #774 on: February 21, 2013, 04:10:30 AM »
I got another one!

I was talking with a group of colleagues the other day, including a woman who is due any minute now. I asked her how she felt and she said something to the effect of "40 weeks is pretty uncomfortable!" A guy in the group, CKIA, immediately chimed in "40 weeks?!? You're 4 weeks over due?" Pregnant friend laughed and said that 40 weeks is the usual length of a pregnancy. CKIA proceeded to argue with her and the 2 other mothers standing there that pregnancy was only 36 weeks, their obstetricians must be lying to them.

Somebody googled it and showed the results to CKIA on their smartphone and he responds that somebody must have faked the data on the internet to cover up an affair. I walked away at that point because clearly 3 women, their obstetricians and the internet must all be wrong or lying adulterers.

By the way, CKIA is single and is always looking to be set up. Anybody want a date with an expert on women's reproductive systems and marriages?

I've encountered the opposite - people who insist that "pregnancy is actually TEN months not nine" as if they've cleverly worked out something we're all too stupid to understand... Except, of course, they're actually revealing their own ignorance.  1 month does not = 4 weeks.  The average month is approx. 4.33 weeks.  But they divide 40 by 4 and triumphantly insist that it's 10 months.  I gave up arguing that one.    I guess your CKIA was using the same logic e.g. 9 multiplied by 4 is only 36 weeks not 40.   ::)
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


suzieQ

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #775 on: February 21, 2013, 06:48:19 AM »
I sometimes encounter a different version of the Captain Know It All and that's someone who serves up a fact about something and gets offended when you already know about it.  I have a relative who does this a lot.   "Say, did you know that the Earth revolves around the sun?!"  And when I say that I did know that, they get pouty about it, like how DARE I know that?????.  It is so bizarre. 

Maybe that should go in the brain hurt thread...

I'd love it if DH would just pout when he pulls that one. Nope. I say "yes, I do know that" and he ignores me and proceeds to expound on the subject until I'm ready to puncture my eardrums just to make him stop!

scotcat60

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #776 on: February 21, 2013, 07:00:15 AM »
I had an English teacher who said "You are all too young to know what a charabang is, so I will tell you.
Actually I did know, as i had relatives as old or older than she was, who never spoke of a (motor) coach , but alwasy of a charabang, or a "Chara".  And I also knew that charabangs were originally large horse drawn vehicles. But I was a shy child, without the courage to tell her so. Better if she had said "Does anyone know what a charabang is? If you don't I'll tell you"

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #777 on: February 21, 2013, 07:41:04 AM »
I used to work in a senior day care and enjoyed talking to people about entertainment of their time, shows and singers, actors, etc.   There was one gentleman who would introduce himself as Clark Gable every morning and would say "You're Myrna Loy, aren't you?" to me.  We were told to just play along with him so I'd say "Yep, I'm Myrna Loy!"

Well another resident started attending because he had started to show signs of Alzheimer's.  He was relatively young too, I think in his mid 60s?  Well I'd be talking to another resident about Lucille Ball and laughing about Vitameatavegamin and saying that was my favorite episode of "I Love Lucy".  This guy would interject and say "You're too young to know who Lucy Ricardo is!!"

I'd laugh and admit that yes, I was not around when the show originally aired, but thanks to syndication I was well acquainted with Lucy Ricardo's antics. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

AuntieA

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #778 on: February 22, 2013, 05:56:18 PM »
BF is a CKIA at times, but in an oddly goofy way. Last week he made a roast, and when I asked why he was carving it with the grain, he said one should always do it that way, as you get more tender slices. I challenged him on that, and when I went home I printed out information from at least 8 sources online that clearly said roast beef should be cut against the grain.

The next time I was at his house he said, "I caught just a few seconds of a cooking show on TV, and they said roast should be carved against the grain." Then we checked his cookbooks together, and sure enough, they said the same thing. A few minutes later, he told me that he know I had called all the cookbook writers and cooking shows to make them say that. He always comes out with an outrageous (and joking) comment like this when he's proved wrong.

Every time we see someone being arrested on TV, he yells at the TV that they're not doing it right, you do so-and-so (eg when applying handcuffs). I lean over and calmly tell him , "It's TV, honey. You know - fiction."
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #779 on: February 22, 2013, 11:18:17 PM »
I got another one!

I was talking with a group of colleagues the other day, including a woman who is due any minute now. I asked her how she felt and she said something to the effect of "40 weeks is pretty uncomfortable!" A guy in the group, CKIA, immediately chimed in "40 weeks?!? You're 4 weeks over due?" Pregnant friend laughed and said that 40 weeks is the usual length of a pregnancy. CKIA proceeded to argue with her and the 2 other mothers standing there that pregnancy was only 36 weeks, their obstetricians must be lying to them.

Somebody googled it and showed the results to CKIA on their smartphone and he responds that somebody must have faked the data on the internet to cover up an affair. I walked away at that point because clearly 3 women, their obstetricians and the internet must all be wrong or lying adulterers.

By the way, CKIA is single and is always looking to be set up. Anybody want a date with an expert on women's reproductive systems and marriages?

I've encountered the opposite - people who insist that "pregnancy is actually TEN months not nine" as if they've cleverly worked out something we're all too stupid to understand... Except, of course, they're actually revealing their own ignorance.  1 month does not = 4 weeks.  The average month is approx. 4.33 weeks.  But they divide 40 by 4 and triumphantly insist that it's 10 months.  I gave up arguing that one.    I guess your CKIA was using the same logic e.g. 9 multiplied by 4 is only 36 weeks not 40.   ::)


This was me on this site a couple of months ago.  Even though I have never been pregnant and have 4 younger siblings and cousins for days.  I never realized that a 40 week pregnancy did not equal 10 months.  I simply assumed doctors and all of the billions of pregnant women were just rounding down. :P   A very nice ehellion explained it to me before I could open my mouth in real life :D
« Last Edit: February 22, 2013, 11:20:08 PM by PastryGoddess »