Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 152815 times)

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Iris

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #810 on: March 14, 2013, 04:00:32 AM »
My friend apparently is the world's greatest fitness expert. Granted, he is an ultramarathoner, so his way is clearly the only way.

When I said, "I'm signing up for zumba classes because I'm trying to shake up my workout routine!" He says "You just need to run farther and faster." I say "Eh, I'm feeling a little burned out and trying to find something that excites me." Him: "That's why you need to run farther and faster! Only lame fat people do group exercise."

I bean dipped my way out of the conversation as an array of other friends declared they must be fat lame people, since they did group exercise.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but marathons tend to involve, you know, groups, right?  Exercising together?

Nooooo... It's several separate lone wolf types who enjoy the solitude and drive of the open road and self challenge who just HAPPEN to be in the same place at the same time. And the fact that they get really really excited about their placing in NO WAY compromises their integrity as totally self driven athletes.  Yeah, right.

To be fair I know many marathoners who are not pretentious about it in the slightest. It's just that those that are tend to be really, really pretentious about it.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

iridaceae

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #811 on: March 14, 2013, 05:21:23 AM »
Ultramarathoners are probably more lone wolf types ; their races are anywhere from 31 miles on up. Some are 100 miles. Many of them simply run for miles with a trainer who probably won't run the entire run with them for training.

mbbored

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #812 on: March 14, 2013, 12:12:39 PM »
Ooh, I have another one.

Apparently overnight one of my high school classmates has become a nutritional expert. I'm apparently supposed to ignore the fact that he's 100 lbs overweight himself. He sent me (and everybody else he's friends with on Facebook) a sample menu and now wants us to pay him $5 per week for more of these menus. And no, he hasn't gotten a degree into nutrition or even done any research, this just sounds right to him. What's his menu? I'm glad you asked.

Breakfast: 1 cup skim milk, 1 cup juice
Lunch: 4 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup steamed carrots, 2 cups shredded lettuce with lemon juice (no fat, no salt)
Dinner: 4 oz grilled salmon (no skin), 1 cup steamed broccoli, 2 cups shredded lettuce with lemon juice (no fat, no salt)
Dessert: 1 apple

For the rest of the week, you alternate days of what kind of steamed vegetable you're allowed to eat: cabbage, cauliflower then more carrots and broccoli. Yum.

Now you all owe him $5.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #813 on: March 14, 2013, 12:16:03 PM »
That's hilarious!  I'm sure my friend the nutritionist would have a field day with that.

hjaye

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #814 on: March 14, 2013, 01:27:48 PM »
I don't know if this person is a real CKIA, but I'm not willing to find out.

This guy is an ex coworker, to say he was useless, is probably giving him too much credit.

He used to come in late, go sit at his desk, and then I would hear him snoring since he fell asleep.

I had to work with him on one trip out of town. He was responsible for a small office in Florida (we were based in Dallas).  The office needed a network reorganization, new computers, new router, new switches, ect.....

He ordered the equipment, but had it shipped directly to the office in Florida.  That's fine, but he never bothered to have anyone check the equipment shipped against what was supposed to be ordered.

We got there, started rebuilding the network with new equipment, and a very important piece of hardware was missing.  It was not a large item, but the network would not run without it (the router serial interface for those in the know...... :) )  You can't just walk into a Fry's or best buy and purchase one.  There was not one in the whole state (Florida) We had to Fed Ex one from Texas to Miami, and then have it brought by courier to where we were at (Ft. Myers).  Needless to say, I was not happy.

He also had a habit of spending all his time talking to people on instant messenger, he had Yahoo, MSM, and our in house IM client all installed on his computer and he was talking non stop.  During his employee review, he was told he had to remove all the instant messanger clients from his computer since his productivity was so poor at getting his work done.  He did that, but then he found a way around it by finding a web site where he could run the IM clients from the web site so he could still chat with his friends.

When the layoffs started, he was one of the first to be let go.


So he is on my facebook list of friends (he sent me a request and I said yes, mainly because I really don't use facebook that much).  I'm not sure what his current job is, but I know he's gotten involved with one of those MLM schemes on how to make money.  I keep getting requests from to come to a seminar he is putting on so he can help teach those of us not in the know on how to manage our money, and increase our net worth.  This coming from a guy who every time he had to travel, he had to get a cash advance because the only credit card he could get only had a 300.00 credit limit because he had such poor credit.

Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #815 on: March 14, 2013, 01:33:01 PM »
Quote
Now you all owe him $5.

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"

Just kidding.  Yikes.  I think my inclination would be to say "If your menu plan is so great, howzabout YOU try it out for a month and let us know how it goes?" 

snowflake

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #816 on: March 14, 2013, 02:06:44 PM »
My dad once was discussing a local (semi)celebrity and said the man was a Christian.  I asked "How do you lnow/"  Dad said "We can all recognize and spot each other".   Okaaaaay.   ::)

Ooh, wonderful!  Now we have an easy answer to that whole "Are Catholics Christian?" thing from the brain hurt thread  ;D  (Like a truffle-sniffing pig, but for Christianity?)

I ran into someone like that once.  He claimed that he could see true Christians "in their eyes" and thought that only true Christians were worth keeping as friends.

When he boasted of this, it was pretty insulting.  Why?  Because at the time I used to wear a crucifix around my neck (it came to me from my aunt but he didn't know that.) I also regularly attended church and was heavily involved in helping with fundraisers for a connected food bank and an after-school homework support program for disadvantaged youth.  So I was wearing the jewelry, going to church and doing the volunteer-work whole-hog. 

So I met this guy, and one of the first things he asks me is, "So tell me, are you Christian?"

And then later he tells me he can spot "real Christians" immediately.  But he apparently couldn't tell with me.  Aw kiss my...

daen

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #817 on: March 14, 2013, 03:39:35 PM »
My dad once was discussing a local (semi)celebrity and said the man was a Christian.  I asked "How do you lnow/"  Dad said "We can all recognize and spot each other".   Okaaaaay.   ::)

Ooh, wonderful!  Now we have an easy answer to that whole "Are Catholics Christian?" thing from the brain hurt thread  ;D  (Like a truffle-sniffing pig, but for Christianity?)

I ran into someone like that once.  He claimed that he could see true Christians "in their eyes" and thought that only true Christians were worth keeping as friends.

When he boasted of this, it was pretty insulting.  Why?  Because at the time I used to wear a crucifix around my neck (it came to me from my aunt but he didn't know that.) I also regularly attended church and was heavily involved in helping with fundraisers for a connected food bank and an after-school homework support program for disadvantaged youth.  So I was wearing the jewelry, going to church and doing the volunteer-work whole-hog. 

So I met this guy, and one of the first things he asks me is, "So tell me, are you Christian?"

And then later he tells me he can spot "real Christians" immediately.  But he apparently couldn't tell with me.  Aw kiss my...

Ah, see, there's the trouble - a "real Christian" would never have that kind of reaction.   >:D

*sigh* People who claim they have a lock on the truth - whatever it may be - always seem to elicit a "back away slowly" response from me.
Except for the times when it's a "run away quickly" response.

Minmom3

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #818 on: March 14, 2013, 11:16:52 PM »
My dad once was discussing a local (semi)celebrity and said the man was a Christian.  I asked "How do you lnow/"  Dad said "We can all recognize and spot each other".   Okaaaaay.   ::)

Ooh, wonderful!  Now we have an easy answer to that whole "Are Catholics Christian?" thing from the brain hurt thread  ;D (Like a truffle-sniffing pig, but for Christianity?)

OK, that was my laugh for the day.  That was GREAT...!!   >:D
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

Iris

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #819 on: March 15, 2013, 01:44:15 AM »
Quote
Now you all owe him $5.

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"

Just kidding.  Yikes.  I think my inclination would be to say "If your menu plan is so great, howzabout YOU try it out for a month and let us know how it goes?"

If I had to eat no food at all for breakfast and then continue to do without food all the way to lunch I would die. Or possibly kill someone else. I certainly wouldn't be any fun to be around. I hereby volunteer to go stay with this guy and follow his diet so that he can experience the effects it has on people close up  >:D
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

bansidhe

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #820 on: March 15, 2013, 01:58:31 AM »
My dad once was discussing a local (semi)celebrity and said the man was a Christian.  I asked "How do you lnow?"  Dad said "We can all recognize and spot each other".   Okaaaaay.   ::)

My husband's parents were raised in X religion. Both of them abandoned the religion as adults and became atheists, which is the way my husband was raised. But he's convinced that he can always spot members of X religion even though he didn't grow up in that religion (X religion doesn't have clothing or appearance requirements, so it's not obvious). As my husband can sometimes have CKIA tendencies my reaction to this claim is  ::).

A while back, I visited our new dentist for the first time. Husband had already been twice. When I mentioned my upcoming appointment, he said, "Oh, Dentist is a member of X religion." I asked how he knew and he said he could just tell. More ::) on my part.

During my appointment, an odd twist of conversation revealed that Dentist is indeed a member of X religion.

I hate when that happens...
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crella

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #821 on: March 15, 2013, 04:57:11 AM »
My dad once was discussing a local (semi)celebrity and said the man was a Christian.  I asked "How do you lnow/"  Dad said "We can all recognize and spot each other".   Okaaaaay.   ::)

Ooh, wonderful!  Now we have an easy answer to that whole "Are Catholics Christian?" thing from the brain hurt thread  ;D (Like a truffle-sniffing pig, but for Christianity?)

OK, that was my laugh for the day.  That was GREAT...!!   >:D

Yes!! It was!

kherbert05

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #822 on: March 15, 2013, 06:32:52 AM »

My husband's parents were raised in X religion. Both of them abandoned the religion as adults and became atheists, which is the way my husband was raised. But he's convinced that he can always spot members of X religion even though he didn't grow up in that religion (X religion doesn't have clothing or appearance requirements, so it's not obvious). As my husband can sometimes have CKIA tendencies my reaction to this claim is  ::) .

A while back, I visited our new dentist for the first time. Husband had already been twice. When I mentioned my upcoming appointment, he said, "Oh, Dentist is a member of X religion." I asked how he knew and he said he could just tell. More ::) on my part.

During my appointment, an odd twist of conversation revealed that Dentist is indeed a member of X religion.

I hate when that happens...
He might be picking up on certain small clues. Growing up some neighbor kids were part of some denomination (the families that thought sis, the other girls and I should obey their sons just because they were boys). Those kids always stood out because of certain phrases they used and attitudes that went with them. Maybe your husband is picking up on code phases the group uses - and attitudes the phrase betrays.


It is like when someone talks about "people like that" where they could be talking about an attitude - but by their tone and body language you know they are actually making a racist statement.
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Nora

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #823 on: March 15, 2013, 06:37:56 AM »
DH grew up in a cult, and has always claimed he can spot people from that specific cult from miles away. 10 years ago I told him he was full of excrement, as people of any ethnicity/walk of life etc can and do join. Thing is he has not been wrong one single time in the whole ten years since that claim. He says it's posture among other things that tip him off. I just don't get it.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Zenith

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #824 on: March 15, 2013, 07:36:56 AM »
DH grew up in a cult, and has always claimed he can spot people from that specific cult from miles away. 10 years ago I told him he was full of excrement, as people of any ethnicity/walk of life etc can and do join. Thing is he has not been wrong one single time in the whole ten years since that claim. He says it's posture among other things that tip him off. I just don't get it.

I assume is something similar to martial artists and the way they hold themselves. Military, ex or current, have a similar bearing when they move or stand. Some serious historical re-enactors have that same bearing.