Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 119853 times)

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Cami

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #855 on: April 01, 2013, 03:49:07 PM »
A couple years ago I listened to Keith Richard's autobiography on cds (I admit, I got it in that media because Johnny Depp reads part of it and so does Keith himself.)   Well in the book he talks about his past drug use and that he finally got clean back in the 70's.  Of the hard stuff anyway like heroin and coke, he might still smoke pot, I'm not sure. He also speaks of how he used to get clean by going cold turkey. 

Now there's been rumors that he had all his blood replaced in order to get clean, rumors that Keith debunks in his memoir and I was telling a former friend about this because he was a classic rock lover too and liked the Stones. 

"No that's not true! He did he did do that!"
"Nope, he got clean simply by going cold turkey.  Every time.  The rumor about his blood being replaced is just that, a rumor."
"But it IS true, I know it!"
"Did you listen to the full book?"
"No, I don't have to, I know it!"

So apparently the guy thinks he knows Keith Richard's life better than I do.  And the guy's only a year and a half older than I am.

Even more impressive, he knows Keith Richard's life better than Keith Richards does.
One of the CKIA at work regularly disputes people's accounts of their own lives. I swear one day, someone is going to lose it on this guy.

The problem with this CKIA is that he's largely led a rather parochial life in a small midwestern town and has had no curiosity about lives and experiences different from his own... in large part because he's fallen prey to that all-too-common human hubris of assuming that his own life and experiences are universal.  So when someone -- like me -- had an experience that happens to be different from his own and relates it, he immediately shakes his head and says in this very SMUG way, "That didn't happen. Stop lying. It didn't happen." For example, he insists that bagels were only invented in the early 1990s because that was the first time he had one. He also insists that Times Square in NYC was never full of hookers, sex shops and drug dealers because the first time he went -- a few years ago -- the place did not look like that so therefore it never had and those of us who were relating stories of the 'real' Times Square in our younger days were lying.

violinp

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #856 on: April 01, 2013, 04:10:00 PM »
A couple years ago I listened to Keith Richard's autobiography on cds (I admit, I got it in that media because Johnny Depp reads part of it and so does Keith himself.)   Well in the book he talks about his past drug use and that he finally got clean back in the 70's.  Of the hard stuff anyway like heroin and coke, he might still smoke pot, I'm not sure. He also speaks of how he used to get clean by going cold turkey. 

Now there's been rumors that he had all his blood replaced in order to get clean, rumors that Keith debunks in his memoir and I was telling a former friend about this because he was a classic rock lover too and liked the Stones. 

"No that's not true! He did he did do that!"
"Nope, he got clean simply by going cold turkey.  Every time.  The rumor about his blood being replaced is just that, a rumor."
"But it IS true, I know it!"
"Did you listen to the full book?"
"No, I don't have to, I know it!"

So apparently the guy thinks he knows Keith Richard's life better than I do.  And the guy's only a year and a half older than I am.

Even more impressive, he knows Keith Richard's life better than Keith Richards does.
One of the CKIA at work regularly disputes people's accounts of their own lives. I swear one day, someone is going to lose it on this guy.

The problem with this CKIA is that he's largely led a rather parochial life in a small midwestern town and has had no curiosity about lives and experiences different from his own... in large part because he's fallen prey to that all-too-common human hubris of assuming that his own life and experiences are universal.  So when someone -- like me -- had an experience that happens to be different from his own and relates it, he immediately shakes his head and says in this very SMUG way, "That didn't happen. Stop lying. It didn't happen." For example, he insists that bagels were only invented in the early 1990s because that was the first time he had one. He also insists that Times Square in NYC was never full of hookers, sex shops and drug dealers because the first time he went -- a few years ago -- the place did not look like that so therefore it never had and those of us who were relating stories of the 'real' Times Square in our younger days were lying.

I'll be sure to tell my dad that his experience of NYC was a mirage.  ::) Good grief.
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Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #857 on: April 01, 2013, 05:06:43 PM »
I remember visiting Times Square for the first (and, so far, only) time in 2000 and being vaguely disappointed that it had been "cleaned up".  Someone owed me street crime and mayhem, darn it!

snowflake

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #858 on: April 01, 2013, 06:15:55 PM »
There is a CKIA who is driving me up the wall.

She got engaged to a doctor and apparently that makes her the overflowing font of medical knowledge.  (She is a statistician.)  Not only does she have perfect knowledge of the human body, but she has to correct any erroneous information whether it be hyperbole or satire.

For instance:

Sue: My head is about to explode from these allergies.
CKIA: Oh take an anatomy course already, that can't really happen.  My fiance would tell you that heads don't just explode.  You see, there are several ways that the pressure can be equalized...

Jane: This cold is going to kill me.
CKIA: People don't die of colds.  You only hear about it in the olden days when conditions were more severe.  My finance was telling me the other day...

Bob: Augh, I'm ready to chew my own leg off because of this arthritis.
CKIA: Human teeth were not made for that sort of work.  We are actually more herbivores than carnivores.  My finance is a doctor so according to evolutionary data...

After all that last week she said that she was getting a cold from letting her feet get wet.  She said she should have known better when her finance was a doctor.  I didn't say anything but concentrated on not rolling my eyes.

violinp

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #859 on: April 02, 2013, 01:36:35 AM »
There is a CKIA who is driving me up the wall.

She got engaged to a doctor and apparently that makes her the overflowing font of medical knowledge.  (She is a statistician.)  Not only does she have perfect knowledge of the human body, but she has to correct any erroneous information whether it be hyperbole or satire.

For instance:

Sue: My head is about to explode from these allergies.
CKIA: Oh take an anatomy course already, that can't really happen.  My fiance would tell you that heads don't just explode.  You see, there are several ways that the pressure can be equalized...

Jane: This cold is going to kill me.
CKIA: People don't die of colds.  You only hear about it in the olden days when conditions were more severe.  My finance was telling me the other day...

Bob: Augh, I'm ready to chew my own leg off because of this arthritis.
CKIA: Human teeth were not made for that sort of work.  We are actually more herbivores than carnivores.  My finance is a doctor so according to evolutionary data...

After all that last week she said that she was getting a cold from letting her feet get wet.  She said she should have known better when her finance was a doctor.  I didn't say anything but concentrated on not rolling my eyes.

Oh good grief. I can tend toward the literal at times, but seriously?? That's...I don't even know where to begin with that.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Iris

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #860 on: April 02, 2013, 01:53:15 AM »
A couple years ago I listened to Keith Richard's autobiography on cds (I admit, I got it in that media because Johnny Depp reads part of it and so does Keith himself.)   Well in the book he talks about his past drug use and that he finally got clean back in the 70's.  Of the hard stuff anyway like heroin and coke, he might still smoke pot, I'm not sure. He also speaks of how he used to get clean by going cold turkey. 

Now there's been rumors that he had all his blood replaced in order to get clean, rumors that Keith debunks in his memoir and I was telling a former friend about this because he was a classic rock lover too and liked the Stones. 

"No that's not true! He did he did do that!"
"Nope, he got clean simply by going cold turkey.  Every time.  The rumor about his blood being replaced is just that, a rumor."
"But it IS true, I know it!"
"Did you listen to the full book?"
"No, I don't have to, I know it!"

So apparently the guy thinks he knows Keith Richard's life better than I do.  And the guy's only a year and a half older than I am.

Even more impressive, he knows Keith Richard's life better than Keith Richards does.
One of the CKIA at work regularly disputes people's accounts of their own lives. I swear one day, someone is going to lose it on this guy.

The problem with this CKIA is that he's largely led a rather parochial life in a small midwestern town and has had no curiosity about lives and experiences different from his own... in large part because he's fallen prey to that all-too-common human hubris of assuming that his own life and experiences are universal.  So when someone -- like me -- had an experience that happens to be different from his own and relates it, he immediately shakes his head and says in this very SMUG way, "That didn't happen. Stop lying. It didn't happen." For example, he insists that bagels were only invented in the early 1990s because that was the first time he had one. He also insists that Times Square in NYC was never full of hookers, sex shops and drug dealers because the first time he went -- a few years ago -- the place did not look like that so therefore it never had and those of us who were relating stories of the 'real' Times Square in our younger days were lying.

That is insanely rude. I find it hugely insulting to be called a liar and would find it difficult to hold my temper around such a donkey's behind. Also, something like bagels existing before the 1990s is easily proven so how does he cope with people showing him evidence?

Honestly, I'm slightly surprised that no-one ever has lost it at him.
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Redsoil

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #861 on: April 02, 2013, 04:37:17 AM »
I'd tend to say to the smug sod who accuses people of lying:  "You're making yourself look like an ignorant douche.  People who lived these experiences are just writing you off as a rude idiot.  In fact you probably don't believe man walked on the moon because you haven't done it yourself!"
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #862 on: April 02, 2013, 08:21:26 AM »
My bf is from the Midwest and she's told me about that sort of sheltered attitude that you see with people who have never ever left their state even, and she knows a couple of them.  They have a very limited view of the world and while she hasn't told me of any of them insisting she's lying, they do have other interesting ideas. 

For example, she's in her 50's, never married never had kids and this blows some people's minds completely.
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Thipu1

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #863 on: April 02, 2013, 09:09:21 AM »
In the library we often had CKIAs drop in.  We called them 'one book experts' and the books were often pseudoscience. 

I was solemnly informed by one that Hannibal took his elephants over the alps to bring Islam to Spain and he had proof! No appeals to sweet reason work on these people.  The only thing you
can do with CKIAs is ignore them. 


athersgeo

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #864 on: April 02, 2013, 09:18:40 AM »
In the library we often had CKIAs drop in.  We called them 'one book experts' and the books were often pseudoscience. 

I was solemnly informed by one that Hannibal took his elephants over the alps to bring Islam to Spain and he had proof! No appeals to sweet reason work on these people.  The only thing you
can do with CKIAs is ignore them.

I...

But...

He...

I think this ought to have gone into the Brain Hurty thread because my brain is sorely hurting at this point (my inner classicist is quietly weeping, and my inner pedant is off to Wiki up exactly how many years separate Hannibal's antics in the alps and the birth of the Prophet Muhammad because not being able to remember either set of appropriate dates is bugging her)


ETA (on the grounds that it'll probably bug someone else too) Hannibal died roughly 750 years before the Prophet was born. My inner classicist is still weeping quietly, but at least my inner pedant is now happy...
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 09:23:14 AM by athersgeo »

Luci45

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #865 on: April 02, 2013, 09:27:59 AM »
I'd tend to say to the smug sod who accuses people of lying:  "You're making yourself look like an ignorant douche.  People who lived these experiences are just writing you off as a rude idiot.  In fact you probably don't believe man walked on the moon because you haven't done it yourself!"

Oh, dear! I sincerely hope you merely want to say that, and don't really. Well, maybe the last sentence.

Thipu1

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #866 on: April 02, 2013, 09:31:25 AM »
For the record, the time lag between Hannibal crossing the alps and the introduction of Islam into Spain is about 1200 years. 

Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #867 on: April 02, 2013, 09:39:23 AM »
Pfft.  The heck with all that.  Didn't you hear the guy?  He has PROOF!   ;)

Twik

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #868 on: April 02, 2013, 09:53:16 AM »
I was solemnly informed by one that Hannibal took his elephants over the alps to bring Islam to Spain and he had proof!

Bet it didn't work.
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Cami

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #869 on: April 02, 2013, 12:34:47 PM »
A couple years ago I listened to Keith Richard's autobiography on cds (I admit, I got it in that media because Johnny Depp reads part of it and so does Keith himself.)   Well in the book he talks about his past drug use and that he finally got clean back in the 70's.  Of the hard stuff anyway like heroin and coke, he might still smoke pot, I'm not sure. He also speaks of how he used to get clean by going cold turkey. 

Now there's been rumors that he had all his blood replaced in order to get clean, rumors that Keith debunks in his memoir and I was telling a former friend about this because he was a classic rock lover too and liked the Stones. 

"No that's not true! He did he did do that!"
"Nope, he got clean simply by going cold turkey.  Every time.  The rumor about his blood being replaced is just that, a rumor."
"But it IS true, I know it!"
"Did you listen to the full book?"
"No, I don't have to, I know it!"

So apparently the guy thinks he knows Keith Richard's life better than I do.  And the guy's only a year and a half older than I am.

Even more impressive, he knows Keith Richard's life better than Keith Richards does.
One of the CKIA at work regularly disputes people's accounts of their own lives. I swear one day, someone is going to lose it on this guy.

The problem with this CKIA is that he's largely led a rather parochial life in a small midwestern town and has had no curiosity about lives and experiences different from his own... in large part because he's fallen prey to that all-too-common human hubris of assuming that his own life and experiences are universal.  So when someone -- like me -- had an experience that happens to be different from his own and relates it, he immediately shakes his head and says in this very SMUG way, "That didn't happen. Stop lying. It didn't happen." For example, he insists that bagels were only invented in the early 1990s because that was the first time he had one. He also insists that Times Square in NYC was never full of hookers, sex shops and drug dealers because the first time he went -- a few years ago -- the place did not look like that so therefore it never had and those of us who were relating stories of the 'real' Times Square in our younger days were lying.

That is insanely rude. I find it hugely insulting to be called a liar and would find it difficult to hold my temper around such a donkey's behind. Also, something like bagels existing before the 1990s is easily proven so how does he cope with people showing him evidence?

Honestly, I'm slightly surprised that no-one ever has lost it at him.
When someone shows him evidence, he either shrugs or pretends the conversation never happened. In other words, he denies that he was wrong.

And yes, it is hugely insulting to be called a liar. Especially when the topic in question is (1) your own life and (2) easily verifiable such as bagels or Times Square. HUGELY.  On several occasions I have looked at him and said, "So, you're saying I'm a liar?" He then responds, "Wellll... I'd hate to say that, but you're not telling the truth."

I have on more than one occasion told him to leave my office. If we are in some other location, I will walk away from him.  I only interact with him when I cannot avoid it.

I really have to wonder not if he's ever gotten a shot in the nose, but how often. Especially since he used to be on the city council.