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Author Topic: Retracting invites...  (Read 8691 times)

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CarolineMae

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Retracting invites...
« on: December 04, 2010, 09:01:34 AM »
So this is a question about retracting invites. Not something i have to do, but something that happened to my friend. It left me wondering if there was any "proper" way to take back an invite.

Side story: an invite was sent online to her by accident. The woman emailed her and said oops not for you!

So e-hellions, is there any proper way to retract an invite? (other than being careful in the beginning...)

Lashley

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2010, 09:22:10 AM »
I think the answer to this is generally, there is no polite way to retract an invitation.

That said, I think when it's painfully obvious that the party is something you wouldn't have normally been invited to (for example, if I got an email from someone that said Dear Smith Family! Christmas this year is at....) and I'm not a Smith, I wouldn't think twice of the sender calling me or emailing me and saying gosh, I'm so sorry, I accidentally included you on a family email.

But for something for which the receiver would have thought the invitation was legitimate? Ouch. I think you have to chalk that up to the dangers of instant communication, and deal with the consequences. I've never known anyone to accidentally mail someone something, so maybe there's another justification for using regular mail! :)

gramma dishes

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2010, 09:42:32 AM »
The woman emailed her and said oops not for you!


Wow!  I can't imagine having been the one invited, especially if it was to a really exciting sounding event, and then being told suddenly and abruptly that I wasn't NEARLY awesome enough to attend such an event after all!  ??? 

No, honestly I don't think there's really a polite way to do it.

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2010, 10:25:47 AM »
I once invited "by mistake" to my birthday(SNS sent to wrong number) someone I had really no intention to... and well, what could I have done but pretend it's all OK and be a gracious host to him? :D
Where there is cake there is hope. And there is always cake ;)

567Kate

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2010, 11:08:48 AM »
I got an email once for a party I wasn't really invited to. An acquaintance had intended the email to go to someone with my same last name and a variant of my first name. (This was in college, and I actually got a lot of email for this other person.) I actually assumed it wasn't for me and let the sender know. She was embarrassed, but appreciative.

I pod Lashley that if the person could reasonably think that the invitation was legitimate, you just have to go with it.

DangerMouth

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2010, 11:11:06 AM »
I have no idea how you'd politely word a disinvitation, but I can't help but think the only proper response to one would be "Oh, thank goodness!"

gramma dishes

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2010, 11:38:45 AM »
I have no idea how you'd politely word a disinvitation, but I can't help but think the only proper response to one would be "Oh, thank goodness!"

LOL!  ;D

sparksals

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2010, 12:14:24 PM »
A couple came to Christmas dinner at my house last year after inviting themselves and bringing a turkey because they didn't like prime rib.  She brought me a hostess gift - a cute set of Christmas coasters, but called me the next day to say they were intended for someone else and could she have them back.  Aghast, I was, but I graciously gave them back and she gave me some tacky mirror type coasters in their place. 

Lashley

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #8 on: December 04, 2010, 12:17:22 PM »
Sparksals, that is absolutely amazing....wow. Sounds like she's just a moving tornado of faux pas!

sparksals

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #9 on: December 04, 2010, 01:30:46 PM »
Sparksals, that is absolutely amazing....wow. Sounds like she's just a moving tornado of faux pas!

It was a Jerry Springer Christmas.  Indeed.  It was bad enough she invited herself and her husband to dinner, but then stated she didn't like prime rib and they will be bringing a turkey breast... I thought one of those roll turkeys.  Turns out it was a 10 lb full blown honkin' turkey.  She borrowed my roaster oven, they were 45 minutes late (my $70 prime rib was timed to be served Medium rare) but she wanted the turkey browned in the oven, thus my PR sat for 40 minutes and wound up being medium well. 

The other couple who came got into an argument - he thought she was being promiscuous, although he cheated on her and that cheating resulted in his 4 YO daughter, who I might add, was the best behaved of the entire bunch!

LadyR

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2010, 06:03:39 PM »
Years ago, I typed an e-mail to my bf of the time with an invitation and directions to my graduation party, but I forgot the _ and ended up sending the e-mail to someone else of the same name. The man who got it was very gracious and just politely pointed out that I had sent it to the wrong person, though the party "sounded fun" and it was "too bad he was in Australia", it was obviously meant to be light-hearted so I didn't feel bad about the mix up. I have no idea how I would have handled it if he had assumed the invite was for him (though the "hi sweetie" might have been a clue that it wasn't).

My question was it an invite that was typed to the wrong e-mail addy aka. meant for jane_smith@mail.com and sent to jane-smith@mail.com? or was it an e-mail from someone she knew, who included the wrong e-mail from her guest book? If it's the first one, I think an "oops" and a brief explanation that it was a mistake is fine, if it's the second, I think maybe the invitee has to suck it up, unless it's something that's very small/intimate (like family Christmas), in which case the person issuing the invite should write a short, but sincere apology explaining their error and apologizing for the inconvenience.


PaintingPastelPrincess

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2010, 06:23:00 PM »
Years ago, I typed an e-mail to my bf of the time with an invitation and directions to my graduation party, but I forgot the _ and ended up sending the e-mail to someone else of the same name. The man who got it was very gracious and just politely pointed out that I had sent it to the wrong person, though the party "sounded fun" and it was "too bad he was in Australia", it was obviously meant to be light-hearted so I didn't feel bad about the mix up. I have no idea how I would have handled it if he had assumed the invite was for him (though the "hi sweetie" might have been a clue that it wasn't).

My question was it an invite that was typed to the wrong e-mail addy aka. meant for jane_smith@mail.com and sent to jane-smith@mail.com? or was it an e-mail from someone she knew, who included the wrong e-mail from her guest book? If it's the first one, I think an "oops" and a brief explanation that it was a mistake is fine, if it's the second, I think maybe the invitee has to suck it up, unless it's something that's very small/intimate (like family Christmas), in which case the person issuing the invite should write a short, but sincere apology explaining their error and apologizing for the inconvenience.

I agree with this, but I think that the invited person should have some common sense when receiving invites in error, too.  I'm not talking about things that could easily be mistaken for a "real" invite but mean more if Mary Smith gets an invite to the "Jones Family Christmas Party," it's reasonable that she was not the intended recipient, and she ought to decline gracefully.

kareng57

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2010, 06:51:24 PM »
I once invited "by mistake" to my birthday(SNS sent to wrong number) someone I had really no intention to... and well, what could I have done but pretend it's all OK and be a gracious host to him? :D


I agree that's what you have to do, if it's someone that you do know and that person would have a reasonable expectation that the invitation was genuine.  As PPs have said, that can be a problem with instant communication - you (generic) can run through your address list quickly and accidentally include someone.

However, a complete stranger who lives a continent away would  be unlikely to consider it a legitimate invitation.  It might be nice if he/she replies with an "excuse me, but I don't think this was for me...." message but I don't think it's required.

CarolineMae

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2010, 08:21:27 PM »
It was a Christmas Party to many of both of their friends, they are also friends. But she wasn't invited.

Years ago, I typed an e-mail to my bf of the time with an invitation and directions to my graduation party, but I forgot the _ and ended up sending the e-mail to someone else of the same name. The man who got it was very gracious and just politely pointed out that I had sent it to the wrong person, though the party "sounded fun" and it was "too bad he was in Australia", it was obviously meant to be light-hearted so I didn't feel bad about the mix up. I have no idea how I would have handled it if he had assumed the invite was for him (though the "hi sweetie" might have been a clue that it wasn't).

My question was it an invite that was typed to the wrong e-mail addy aka. meant for jane_smith@mail.com and sent to jane-smith@mail.com? or was it an e-mail from someone she knew, who included the wrong e-mail from her guest book? If it's the first one, I think an "oops" and a brief explanation that it was a mistake is fine, if it's the second, I think maybe the invitee has to suck it up, unless it's something that's very small/intimate (like family Christmas), in which case the person issuing the invite should write a short, but sincere apology explaining their error and apologizing for the inconvenience.

I agree with this, but I think that the invited person should have some common sense when receiving invites in error, too.  I'm not talking about things that could easily be mistaken for a "real" invite but mean more if Mary Smith gets an invite to the "Jones Family Christmas Party," it's reasonable that she was not the intended recipient, and she ought to decline gracefully.

gramma dishes

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Re: Retracting invites...
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2010, 08:26:31 PM »
It was a Christmas Party to many of both of their friends, they are also friends. But she wasn't invited.



Then, in my opinion, to UNinvite her would have been incredibly rude!  It would have been far better to suck up the mistake and allow her to enjoy the company of mutual friends for this one event.