Author Topic: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?  (Read 3999 times)

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veryfluffy

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Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« on: December 26, 2006, 11:51:43 AM »
All three, as it turns out.

At 4 am on Saturday morning, my telephone rang. I am not a very heavy sleeper, so even though the telephone in the sitting room, with the door shut, I was woken up, as was DH. I didn't run downstairs to pick it up, and let the machine get it. It turned out to be an old friend calling to wish me a merry christmas from Canada. I am in the UK, so it was about 11 pm there. I knew she wasn't clueless enough to forget there was a time difference, but thought that perhaps she was in high spirits and got the direction wrong, thinking that it would be 6 pm over here.

I found out from my sister, who was at the party, that my friend had indeed been drinking, but knew perfectly well that it was four in the morning for us when she called, and that various people had told her that it was a bad idea.  She decided it would be "fun."

When the phone rings in the middle of the night, one always expects that it is some kind of emergency, particularly when family are overseas. Stressed from the call, DH and I both had trouble getting back to sleep, and were up for over an hour. We work weekends, and so even though it was Saturday, we had to be up and about at a reasonably early hour, so we both felt well below par the rest of the day.

I cannot believe that someone would be so inconsiderate, and my opinion of this woman has now been seriously affected. I would have expected a call or email apologising by now, but I haven't heard anything. I'm certainly not going to get in touch with her myself anytime soon, and given that we have grown apart and have little in common anymore, this may have been the nail in the coffin of our friendship. (It may sound as if I am over-reacting, but although we were friends 25 years ago, now there isn't much aside from the occasional greeting card and a phone call once or twice a year where she had nothing to talk about but her children.) If she does contact me again, and doesnt' apologise, how should I react?

   

Rose2Bear

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2006, 12:26:24 PM »
Quote
If she does contact me again, and doesnt' apologise, how should I react?

I'd let it go this time, although her actions were definetly inappropriate. I wouldn't bother calling her for anything - to try to rekindle the friendship OR discuss this incident . However, if she does happen to call you just to talk and doens't bring it up first, THEN I would say something along the lines of "yeah you really thew me off for the next day when you called me at 4 AM, you might want to avoid doing that to people in the future."  

But for now, it was a one time incident and she was drinking (not that that is an excuse to get away with doing rude things) so maybe she doens't even remmeber doing this, so I wouldn't bother going out of my way to discuss it with her, but as you said, this does seem to be a good "nail in the coffin."

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2006, 02:30:16 PM »
I vote stupid AND inconsiderate, because she was drunk, but she is the one who chose to drink to excess, right?
Do not go out of your way to maintain contact. If she calls, and doesn't mention it, just be brief and cold, keep the conversation to a minimum, or tell her is isn't a good time to talk for you right now.
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LadyJaneinMD

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2006, 02:40:32 PM »
I found out from my sister, who was at the party, that my friend had indeed been drinking, but knew perfectly well that it was four in the morning for us when she called, and that various people had told her that it was a bad idea.  She decided it would be "fun."

When the phone rings in the middle of the night, one always expects that it is some kind of emergency, particularly when family are overseas. Stressed from the call, DH and I both had trouble getting back to sleep, and were up for over an hour. We work weekends, and so even though it was Saturday, we had to be up and about at a reasonably early hour, so we both felt well below par the rest of the day.


Wow. I would have been red-faced furious.  Granted, I have little problems sleeping, but I do have a niece in delicate condition, and my friends all KNOW better than to call in the middle of the night for any reason other than an emergency. Whenever the phone rings that late at night, I get all upset that this might be The Call, you know?
I'd ream her up one side and down the other. There's no excuse for that kind of behavior. If you get drunk enough to act like a stupid child, maybe it's time to stop drinking. 


hobish

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2006, 02:53:45 PM »
Quote
If she does contact me again, and doesnt' apologise, how should I react?

I'd let it go this time, although her actions were definetly inappropriate. I wouldn't bother calling her for anything - to try to rekindle the friendship OR discuss this incident . However, if she does happen to call you just to talk and doens't bring it up first, THEN I would say something along the lines of "yeah you really thew me off for the next day when you called me at 4 AM, you might want to avoid doing that to people in the future."  

But for now, it was a one time incident and she was drinking (not that that is an excuse to get away with doing rude things) so maybe she doens't even remmeber doing this, so I wouldn't bother going out of my way to discuss it with her, but as you said, this does seem to be a good "nail in the coffin."

i agree.
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ZipTheWonder

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2006, 03:13:25 PM »
I have never really expected polite behavior from someone who is drunk.  Not that everyone who is drunk is impolite, because they certainly aren't -- it's just that I'm not surprised by an impolite drunk.

If you aren't interested in fixing what's broken in your relationship, or you really don't think you can....I'd let it go.   If you have caller ID, maybe you can also 'miss' the next call or two.

Rei-chan

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2006, 04:59:39 PM »

Been here, dealt with this before:  except it was Thanksgiving this year, and the "friend" in question lived 4 hours away, so she KNEW what time it was at my house, as well as the fact that I had to be up at 3:30 am for work on Black Friday.  Cue the red faced fury.   :)

I say that your reaction should depend on whether or not you want this friendship, and if this has happened before.  In my case, this person had been a "friend" for over 10 years, but constantly did this kind of thing for a myriad of reasons.  This Thanksgiving was the last straw and I let her have it.  Looking back on it now, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but it did the trick, as I haven't heard from her since.

I say you should at least bring up the subject with your friend, and explain about the fact that while she thought it was "fun" that it was not fun for you or your hubby, and ask her to please refrain from this in the future.  If she is a good friend, she will respect the boundary you have now set, if not, you may have to get stern with her.

gadget--gal

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2006, 09:15:43 AM »
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I say you should at least bring up the subject with your friend, and explain about the fact that while she thought it was "fun" that it was not fun for you or your hubby, and ask her to please refrain from this in the future.  If she is a good friend, she will respect the boundary you have now set, if not, you may have to get stern with her.

I second this part. This thread reminds me of a friend phoned me on Sunday morning because she was still stoned from the previous night and didn't feel like going to work. For some reason she felt the need to ring and tell me this. I hung up on her and told her about it when she was sober.

Lisbeth

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2006, 10:31:01 AM »
If you still want to be friends with her, I'd tell her that her calling you in the middle of the night without an emergency seriously interfered with your and your husband's sleep and health and it wasn't "fun" at your end, and see how she responds.

If she doesn't apologize, I'd tell her that someone who got such a kick out of interfering with my and my husband's sleep and health is someone I'd have trouble considering a "friend" and under no circumstances is she to do that to you again.  If she still doesn't respect your wishes, drop all contact with her.

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auntmeegs

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2006, 12:43:50 PM »
You really need to lighten up.  If you are going to dump a friend for making a silly late night drunk-dial than you are the one that is not that good of a friend.  Your friend was thinking of you and thought it would be funny to call.  I can think of a lot worse things...

veryfluffy

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2006, 12:51:03 PM »
You really need to lighten up.  If you are going to dump a friend for making a silly late night drunk-dial than you are the one that is not that good of a friend.  Your friend was thinking of you and thought it would be funny to call.  I can think of a lot worse things...

Well, I had thought of simply ringing her back the next morning at 9 am my time, and 4 am her time.

But really, at 40-odd years old, I don't think that a silly late night drunk phone call is appropriate. I can think of a lot worse things too, but I detest stupid drunk behaviour, and being deliberately inconsiderate. I don't think being drunk is an excuse -- just the way killing someone when driving drunk isn't an excuse.
   

auntmeegs

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2006, 12:58:42 PM »
hardly the same thing...

gjcva1

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2006, 01:18:36 PM »
You really need to lighten up.  If you are going to dump a friend for making a silly late night drunk-dial than you are the one that is not that good of a friend.  Your friend was thinking of you and thought it would be funny to call.  I can think of a lot worse things...

it wasn't a silly late night drunken phone call.  if the OP had been in the US, she would have been awakened around midnight.  plenty of night left to sleep (from your point of view).  but the OP was in the UK, the idiot drunk KNEW she would be wakening the entire household at 4AM, and thought it would be fun, even after the OP's sister TOLD her not to place the call.  it wasn't fun for OP.

so i can only assume that either you are one of those types of people who thinks it's fun to wake an entire household on a drunken lark, or you just love taking calls from drunks at any time of the night (and if you don't like taking such calls, please remember your own advice to "lighten up" when you are woken from a sound sleep).

it wasn't a case of the caller thinking of OP, it was a total lack of respect for the OP's having to get up for work the next morning.  in fact, it was a total lack of respect - PERIOD!

sheesh  ::)

auntmeegs

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2006, 01:39:52 PM »
Assume way, but I still don't think it's worth ending a frienship over.  It's been done to me, and while I didn't really enjoy it, I thought it more on the funny side than on the offending side of things.  But everyone is different, right?  That's what makes the world go round.

gjcva1

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Re: Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?
« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2006, 02:06:21 PM »
Assume way, but I still don't think it's worth ending a frienship over.  It's been done to me, and while I didn't really enjoy it, I thought it more on the funny side than on the offending side of things.  But everyone is different, right?  That's what makes the world go round.

you're right, it's our differences that makes like interesting.

now to respond, if you had posted in this way first, i probably wouldn't have "assumed".  of course, when you take into account that both principles here are in their 40s, it just heightens the rudeness level for me.  i certainly did such silly stuff in my early 20s.  by now, the caller should know better.

i'd also be interested to know if this is the first time the caller has done such things, or if she has a history of this when drinking.  if it's the latter, then i'm sorry, yes, i'd end the friendship.