Drunk, stupid or just plain inconsiderate?

[MadMadge43]

but I still don't think it's worth ending a frienship over.  It's been done to me, and while I didn't really enjoy it, I thought it more on the funny side than on the offending side of things.  But everyone is different, right?  That's what makes the world go round.

I'm with Aunt Meeg here. My friends drunk dialing has rappidly decreased over the years, bit I received on the other night, around midnight from a friend in Las Vegas. I smiled had a good laugh and knew he was enjoying himself and was touched that he thought of me in the midst of his fun.

It's probably a little different since it was 4 in the morning when you received yours, but she was thinking of you, not maliciously trying to ruin you day.

[ImperfctMe]

Well, I had thought of simply ringing her back the next morning at 9 am my time, and 4 am her time.

I totally would have done that. Made sure it was right in the middle of her hangover too. But then I'm evillllll..... >

[veryfluffy]

The thing was that when I thought maybe she just hadn't calculated the time difference in the right direction, I was actually less bothered. But to find out that someone knows they are waking you at 4 am -- that doesn't show they are "thinking of me" or that they "care" -- it demonstrates a selfish, inconsiderate arrogance. It rather suggests they don't care at all.

[gjcva1]

The thing was that when I thought maybe she just hadn't calculated the time difference in the right direction, I was actually less bothered. But to find out that someone knows they are waking you at 4 am -- that doesn't show they are "thinking of me" or that they "care" -- it demonstrates a selfish, inconsiderate arrogance. It rather suggests they don't care at all.

fluffy, that was my thinking too.  has she done this kind of thing before?

[hobish]

The thing was that when I thought maybe she just hadn't calculated the time difference in the right direction, I was actually less bothered. But to find out that someone knows they are waking you at 4 am -- that doesn't show they are "thinking of me" or that they "care" -- it demonstrates a selfish, inconsiderate arrogance. It rather suggests they don't care at all.

If i were the friend that called & you honestly thought that about me ... i hate to say it, but i think i would prefer you just politely end the friendship. I'm definitely one of those people who has everything i say come out wrong, and says innapropriate things when i don't mean to ... couple those natural tendencies with my psych issues & i know i am one of those people in need of a little extra understanding, no matter how hard i might try to "grow up." If one of my friends truly thought that one of my odder actions indicated that i don't care about them ... that would really bother me ... really, i would prefer that person choose not to bother with me if that is how they felt, kwim?
(unfortunately learned this part from experience, and recently)

[Rei-chan]

The thing was that when I thought maybe she just hadn't calculated the time difference in the right direction, I was actually less bothered. But to find out that someone knows they are waking you at 4 am -- that doesn't show they are "thinking of me" or that they "care" -- it demonstrates a selfish, inconsiderate arrogance. It rather suggests they don't care at all.

I have an ex-friend that resembles this statement.  In the past 5 years, I have put up with frequent late night/early morning calls for lots of reasons:  being drunk, fighting with SO, wanting to talk, etc.  No matter how many times I spoke with her and set boundaries she always "forgot" and called again.  As I said in an earlier post, the final straw was Thanksgiving, when she called about 3 hours after I had gone to bed to "wish me a Happy Turkey Day".  I might have excused it, except for the prior 3 days, I had lamented repeatedly the fact that I had to be at work at 5 am on Black Friday (and work a full 8 hours) and told her not to call after a certain time.  Then she got angry because I had the nerve to be mad at her about it.  This was a 10 year friendship, and I cut her loose over her selfishness.  Like I said earlier, if this is a new thing, talk to her.  If this is a repeat performance, drop her like a bad habit.

Sounds kinda mean, but its my 2 cents.

[willow08]

Yes, all of the above.

[Bijou]

All three, as it turns out.

At 4 am on Saturday morning, my telephone rang. I am not a very heavy sleeper, so even though the telephone in the sitting room, with the door shut, I was woken up, as was DH. I didn't run downstairs to pick it up, and let the machine get it. It turned out to be an old friend calling to wish me a merry christmas from Canada. I am in the UK, so it was about 11 pm there. I knew she wasn't clueless enough to forget there was a time difference, but thought that perhaps she was in high spirits and got the direction wrong, thinking that it would be 6 pm over here.
I found out from my sister, who was at the party, that my friend had indeed been drinking, but knew perfectly well that it was four in the morning for us when she called, and that various people had told her that it was a bad idea.  She decided it would be "fun."

When the phone rings in the middle of the night, one always expects that it is some kind of emergency, particularly when family are overseas. Stressed from the call, DH and I both had trouble getting back to sleep, and were up for over an hour. We work weekends, and so even though it was Saturday, we had to be up and about at a reasonably early hour, so we both felt well below par the rest of the day.

I cannot believe that someone would be so inconsiderate, and my opinion of this woman has now been seriously affected. I would have expected a call or email apologising by now, but I haven't heard anything. I'm certainly not going to get in touch with her myself anytime soon, and given that we have grown apart and have little in common anymore, this may have been the nail in the coffin of our friendship. (It may sound as if I am over-reacting, but although we were friends 25 years ago, now there isn't much aside from the occasional greeting card and a phone call once or twice a year where she had nothing to talk about but her children.) If she does contact me again, and doesnt' apologise, how should I react?

I am with you all the way.  And would have let her know in that moment that I did not appeciate the call and why.  She may not have remembered, but I would have anyway, just in case there was still a functioning brain cell that would stop her from doing such a harebrained thing again.