Kids say the funniest things

[Girlie]

I am a teller at a small bank and today I was working the drivethru.

A gentleman comes up with his deposit and he has his two kids (a little girl, maybe 2 or so) and a little boy (maybe five or six) in the backseat.
Little girl sneezes. Snot goes all over her face. Just like kids will do, she started licking her lips. Big brother? He cries out very loudly, "EEEWWWWWW! She's EATING IT!!!!!" Maybe you had to be there, but this little guy's horror and disgust were adorable. lol. 

[Cutenoob]

Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses

They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.

Are you at the point of buying 3 pizzas, and only having one for the family, two for him? I've heard the boys /teens doing this are pretty much INHALING calories. And of course, those 2 pizzas fed him for a couple of hours. "maaaaa I'm hungreeeeeee"
My little guy is 2. Only two. I'm afraid I'll have to get a 2nd fridge for him when he hits 10. And get a Costco card so I can buy food in bulk. Maybe just go to a butcher and get a side of beef..might hold me up for a month

[Elfmama]

Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses

They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.

Are you at the point of buying 3 pizzas, and only having one for the family, two for him? I've heard the boys /teens doing this are pretty much INHALING calories. And of course, those 2 pizzas fed him for a couple of hours. "maaaaa I'm hungreeeeeee"
My little guy is 2. Only two. I'm afraid I'll have to get a 2nd fridge for him when he hits 10. And get a Costco card so I can buy food in bulk. Maybe just go to a butcher and get a side of beef..might hold me up for a month

B is my grandson, so I don't feed him on a regular basis.  But yes, he eats everything in sight.  Take him to a buffet restaurant and he eats 3 plates of meat & potatoes, and then decimates the dessert bar.   Get both of the teenage grandsons in the same place, and it's like a swarm of locusts.

Can we mention things they write as well as say?  We are unpacking boxes of things that were packed up when we rehabbed the family room, including several boxes packed by the older grandsons.  Boxes filled with MOOVIES.  No, my videos are not all about cows!     

[DynoMite]

DynoBoy2 found some poker chips the other day and wanted to play with them. Mommy explained that they were for poker and he doesn't know how to play. He screws up his little toddler face in thought, then comes over, pokes his finger into my arm and exclaims, "I playin' poker!"

[MrsJWine]

I stopped in the liquor store yesterday to pick up some wine for dinner. As we walk in (and mind you, I have only taken my children once before, and it was to a different store), my daughter says, "This is my FAVORITE store!" The cashier was still laughing about it when I got to the register.

[Elfmama]

Better "My favorite store!" than the one story I heard. (This is an OLD story, from the days when most women were homemakers.)  A woman was in the habit of giving her little son the pennies from her pocket change.  One day she got a call from her husband reminding her that the boss was coming for dinner, and he liked a particular wine.  Could she go to the liquor store and get some?

She went to the liquor store, popped her son in the child-seat of a grocery basket, and got the wine.  When she got up to the counter, she found that the total would be $20.09, and all she had was a $20 bill and some small change.  She gave the cashier the $20, and started to count out the change.  And a hideous shriek bursts from her son, in the piercing tones that only a toddler can make.  "NO, NO, MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T BUY WINE WITH MY PENNIES!  PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!"

[MommyPenguin]

That's hilarious, Elfmama!

Yesterday, my husband came down without a shirt.  I guess he doesn't go around shirtless very often or something, because my 3-year-old said accusingly, "Papa, why is your tummy naked?"

[Julia Mercer]

DH and I were at DSIS's for her birthday last night, and DN2 who is 3 years old was sitting on DH's lap telling him what she wanted for her birthday, and after spouting off mostly Dora stuff, she mentioned she wanted strawberry cookies, and DH asked if she wanted new or old cookies, and what would happen if she got old ones, well, lucky the video camera was rolling, because all of a sudden, she throws her hands in the air and exclaims "they would be HOPELESS", needless to say all us adults were ROARING and just CRYING laughing! I told DBIL he should send that to America's Funniest Home Videos, it was that funny!

Here is the video to it from Facebook btw

http://www.facebook.com/cdncountrygaljules/posts/489634387731132?notif_t=like

[baglady]

Better "My favorite store!" than the one story I heard. (This is an OLD story, from the days when most women were homemakers.)  A woman was in the habit of giving her little son the pennies from her pocket change.  One day she got a call from her husband reminding her that the boss was coming for dinner, and he liked a particular wine.  Could she go to the liquor store and get some?

She went to the liquor store, popped her son in the child-seat of a grocery basket, and got the wine.  When she got up to the counter, she found that the total would be $20.09, and all she had was a $20 bill and some small change.  She gave the cashier the $20, and started to count out the change.  And a hideous shriek bursts from her son, in the piercing tones that only a toddler can make.  "NO, NO, MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T BUY WINE WITH MY PENNIES!  PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!"

Sounds like a country song!

[Tierrainney]

Last night my youngest daughter asked if we had any "Mexican bread".  Since she does not like tortillas, I was at a loss as to what she was asking for.

Her big sister asked, "Do you mean French Bread?"

"Yes," she replied, "Maybe we can go to the Chinese Restaurant and get some!"

In her defense, the local Chinese buffet has garlic toast on French Bread that she really likes to eat. I'm afraid Big Sister may be teasing about Mexican bread for a long time.

[elephantschild]

The wine-with-pennies story made me think of this.

We stop pretty regularly at a local liquor store to get a bottle of wine on Friday nights. (What can I say ... it's a long work week. )  The boys would sometimes ask where we were stopping; DH would tell them "the wine store."

So, one night we were coming home from our usual Friday evening family excursion. I don't remember if we'd simply chosen not to get wine that week, or if we had some at home. But DS1 suddenly asked with a voice full of puzzlement: "What about the crying store?"

"Crying store?" What? We looked at each other, perplexed.

Then it clicked.

To DS, wine = whine = crying.

We laughed about that one for a long time. To this day, the liquor store is "the crying store," to our family.

[Slartibartfast]

Babybartfast, completely out of the blue: "A long long time ago, people didn't have computers."

Me: "It wasn't that long ago!  I didn't have a computer when I was your age [4]."

Babybartfast: "Then how did you look things up on the Internet?"

[Seraphia]

Another gem from my niece.

Niece: Grammy, where do babies come from?
Grandma: That's a question you need to ask Daddy.
Niece: (pauses for a sec to think about this) Oh....does he know?

[elephantschild]

DS2, who is 4, got into trouble last night. Such trouble that he was marched home and sent to his room for the rest of the night. When I tucked him into bed and reassured him that I still loved him, ( ) I reiterated what he'd done wrong and what our expections were. He tearfully apologized.

This morning, he was such a sweetie. Kissing me, hugging me ... I told DH, "Someone's sucking up."   DS2 told me, very seriously, "I'm being good, Mommy."

Me: "That's good, DS2."

DS2: "I'm going to keep being good."

Me: "Excellent."

DS2: "I want to be good in the pax." (At least, that's what it sounded like.)

It took me a few repetitions before I realized he meant "in the past." Now, where the heck did a 4-year-old get that concept ... and where does he think he's going to acquire the time machine? 

[Rohanna]

My 4 year old has been a bit of a "turkey" recently, mostly I'm sure due to the recent arrival of a sibling. We were on a road trip, and my husband was teaching him to hold his breath and make a wish under bridges. He solemnly announced after a particularly long tunnel that he had "wished he could be good". Sigh- cute and heartbreaking at the same time.....