Kids say the funniest things

[Slartibartfast]

I'm sure we've had a thread like this in the past, but I couldn't find it (with a cursory search  ) so I'm starting a new one!

The inaugural story: Babybartfast is 2 1/2 and talking up a storm now.  Our dog Kiki was lying on her back on the floor and Babybartfast looked up while petting her:

"Mommy!  Daddy has nipples.  And mommy has nipples.  And [Babybartfast] has nipples.  And Kiki has LOTS of nipples!"

I had to work really hard at not laughing, or she'd go around for the next week telling every stranger she met about their nipples 

So what have your kids surprised you with?

[Ferrets]

I had to work really hard at not laughing, or she'd go around for the next week telling every stranger she met about their nipples 

Hah! Well done you. The whole "sudden epiphany" tone of Babybartfast is hilarious.

That reminded me of our family Story of the Cricket Club Cat: not so much a "kids say...", but my father indulging in a Calvin's Dad moment.

Sister and I are aged around seven and eight. We're travelling home from watching Dad play in a cricket match, and debating whether the cricket club's cat - which Sister and I had been fussing over, and whose name we don't know - is a male or female.

Dad thinks the cat's a tom. Sister is convinced that the cat must be a female, because it "has nipples". I point out that all cats have nipples. Mum confirms this, helpfully adding that only females can breastfeed.

Sister [thoughtfully]: "So why do male cats have nipples?"

Dad: "For piercing."

Mum [appalled]: "TIM!"

Dad:

Mum:

Sister and I:

[jayhawk]

I remember a comedian from the 80's (I think) saying the reason men have nipples is so they can find their cigarettes in their shirt pocket when they're drunk.  Martin Mull, is that right?

ETA - sorry for the highjack - keep the kid quotes coming!

[MrsJWine]

We like to hang out on our bed upstairs for a little while after the baby goes to bed.  Sometimes we watch a show, other times we just watch Grace go nuts now that her sister is put away.  The other night, as she tumbled hyperactively around the bed, I was suddenly struck by how enormous she is (for her age), but how tiny and helpless she still really is (I know that doesn't make much sense):

Me to my husband: She's so small and so huge at the same ti--

Grace, while somewhere between a headstand and a somersault: And so cute!

[whatsanenigma]

My niece was about four years old when this took place.

We'd all three been out running errands (me, my sister, and my niece) and we stopped at my apartment. We were about to go up the stairs when I noticed an abandoned, half-empty beer bottle still sitting out on the (shared) balcony. I had no idea who it belonged to, but I kind of nudged my sister and right away, took stock of where my niece was so she wouldn't pick it up or something. And just as my sister got my signal and we were about to distract my niece  away from the bottle, she suddenly stops and points and says

"Somebody's been sitting here drinking!"

and then just walks past it and waits for us to open the door.

We cracked up.

Because, well, she was absolutely correct. Someone had been sitting there drinking.  She just had no way of knowing her remark was true in more ways than one.

[MommyPenguin]

Just today, my preschooler, LittlePenguin, was spinning around and around.  Finally she collapsed onto her back in a laundry basket.  As she stared woozily at the ceiling, she said with a sigh, "I'll just lie here for a minute.  My brain is still spinning around and around."

[JonGirl]

The other day ds, who is 6 said: I'm going to listen to XX Top on my ipod.
XX, instead of ZZ, me and dh just about died laughing. 

[Spring Water on Sundays]

This happened when my nephew was about 4 1/2 years old. He loves dogs and has a dog of his own.

We had just gotten our dog. She'd had a litter of puppies before coming to us so her belly looks different that what nephew is used to. He points at her rather prominent nipples and asks me, "What are those??" I wasn't sure how much he knew about body parts or what level of education his parents were comfortable with, so I decided to be matter-of-fact and not make a big deal out of his questions. I said, "Those are her nipples. You have nipples, too," and I lifted up his shirt to show him. He replied, "No, those are my boobies."

[Spring Water on Sundays]

At Thanksgiving, I was having a beer with dinner and when it was getting low, my 2 1/2 y/o nephew said, "Neenee have another beer!" I guess he thinks Neenee is more fun when she's got a couple drinks in her.

[Slartibartfast]

Some good friends of mine are both nerdy engineers, but their three-year-old daughter is the girliest girly girl ever.  She is also very, very tall, and tends to get a lot of people commenting about how she'll probably play basketball when she grows up.

So yet another person yesterday asked their daughter if she was into sports:

Adult: I bet you'll be good at sports, honey!
Daughter (to my friend): Mommy, I want to play a sport!
My friend: Which one?
Daughter: The pink one!

My friend tried to explain that sports aren't categorized by color, and her daughter sighed and said "Okay, the purple one then."

[siamesecat2965]

My former hairdresser told me these, both involving his very precocious grandson.  I think he was around 3 or so when both of these occurred.

First one - my HD was very good at DIY stuff around the house, and was doing something to the railing on the stairs, sanding, staining, not sure exactly what.  He told me his grandson came over, looked very carefully at his work, and said with a straight face "you're doing a good job Pop"

The second one was when he took his grandson to the store, and it was kind of quiet.  Grandson suddenly asks him "Pop, did you (f-word for passing gas)?"  Pop said no, grandson very matter of factly announces "well I did!"  and every one around them started to laugh!

[JonGirl]

My former hairdresser told me these, both involving his very precocious grandson.  I think he was around 3 or so when both of these occurred.

First one - my HD was very good at DIY stuff around the house, and was doing something to the railing on the stairs, sanding, staining, not sure exactly what.  He told me his grandson came over, looked very carefully at his work, and said with a straight face "you're doing a good job Pop"

The second one was when he took his grandson to the store, and it was kind of quiet.  Grandson suddenly asks him "Pop, did you (f-word for passing gas)?"  Pop said no, grandson very matter of factly announces "well I did!"  and every one around them started to laugh!

    

[Lashley]

When my fiancé, K, was about 3, he was riding with his mom to his brother's cub scout meeting. His brother is 5 years older, and his mom was the cub scout leader. She was running late (apparently this wasn't unusual.)

She was pulled over by a police officer. When he leaned in and said "ma'am, you were speeding by over 10 miles an hour over the speed limit", K leans over and yells: MOMMY DOES THAT!!!

[lilihob]

 My two girls have lots, now my eldest dd is a teen, (oh noes, when did my baba get as tall as me!), she hates us saying
" ouch I've got pens and pencils"(pins and needles),
cos obviously she was never little, but just sprang to life aged 13 going on 30
but we won't stop.
And flattering, but highly unrealistically, youngest dd, is convinced that every strange man is just waiting to whisk me away,
so spends much of her time glowering, and coming up with such gems as
"my mummy is married to my daddy"
"I have a big sister, a guinea pig , two cats, and a daddy who loves my mummy"
"my daddy is bigger than you"
in response to questions like "how are you?" , and general introductions.

[Nora]

When my fiancé, K, was about 3, he was riding with his mom to his brother's cub scout meeting. His brother is 5 years older, and his mom was the cub scout leader. She was running late (apparently this wasn't unusual.)

She was pulled over by a police officer. When he leaned in and said "ma'am, you were speeding by over 10 miles an hour over the speed limit", K leans over and yells: MOMMY DOES THAT!!!

Oh, OUCH!