Kids say the funniest things

[Pinky830]

When DD was that age, I went in the kitchen one day and saw her favorite doll sitting facing the corner.

"Honey? Why is Kay-Kay in time out?"

Very firmly, "She was bad. She hit Bear."

[Pinky830]

And one from a much older kid, my 11 year old DS whose verbal quirks enrich my life beyond measure. During the latter part of the week-long Atlanta snow, he and I took the dog for a walk. The ice had evaporated from a lot of the sidewalk, but for some reason DS was walking on the solid sheet of ice next to it. I asked him how that was going, and he said gravely, "I'm trying to convince the ice I'm as light as a feather. It's not working out so well."

[Xallanthia]

And one from a much older kid, my 11 year old DS whose verbal quirks enrich my life beyond measure. During the latter part of the week-long Atlanta snow, he and I took the dog for a walk. The ice had evaporated from a lot of the sidewalk, but for some reason DS was walking on the solid sheet of ice next to it. I asked him how that was going, and he said gravely, "I'm trying to convince the ice I'm as light as a feather. It's not working out so well."

hah!  I remember being around that age and we came home from a tropical vacation to find it had snowed a foot and my parents had not made arrangements to get plowed if it snowed.  Here it is important to know that my parents' driveway is 300 feet long.  The snow was powdery but had a solid crust on it--it was about a day old so had melted and re-frozen; at ages 10, 8, and 5, we could sort of walk on it.  We spent the whole walk up to the house going, "I'm as light as a feather, I'm as light as a feather!" to stay up and "I'm as heavy as a rock " if we fell in.

[Micah]

This happened this morning. The child wanted chips for breakfast, which of course wasn't happening. He stood looking at me for a while wearing his supremely cute grumpy face.

Me (trying not to laugh): "I love you."
Child: "NO!"
Me: "I do love you."
Child: "Well me don't love you!"
Me (biting my tongue not to laugh): "That makes Mummy very sad." I kept working on the computer for a bit. After a couple of minutes he came and sat beside me.
Child: "Mummy?"
Me: "Mmmm?"
He reached up and grabbed my face, turning it so I was looking at him.
Child: "Me do love you Mummy. You just need to do as you told."
I cracked up and gave him a hug.

When he does something naughty I always try to make sure I clarify that it's his behaviour I don't love, not him. I never expected it to be turned around on me!

[Ponytail_Palm]

I don't have any kids myself, but I do have some funny stories about my sisters and I when we were little.

4-year-old me once approached a heavily made-up lady in the church bathroom and asked her, "Are you a clown?" Annoyed, she replied "No, do I look like I clown?" I responded "Yes." My mother, who was in a stall and unable to do anything, was naturally mortified (yet highly amused!).

Little Sis was born in January, so when she saw snow the following winter she didn't remember it at all. She was looking out the back door one day when it started snowing. She gazed up at the sky and whispered "Crumbs..."

My family was at an art museum. Baby Sis, who I believe was about 6 at the time, saw a woman gazing motionlessly at a painting. "Mommy," Baby Sis whispered, "is that lady a statue?" "I don't know," responded our mom, "why don't you go ask her?" So she did! And the lady apparently said nothing, which convinced Baby Sis that she was indeed just a piece of artwork...

Whenever Baby Sis didn't want to do something she was asked to do, she responded "I can't. I have 10 broken legs."

[Nora]

This happened this morning. The child wanted chips for breakfast, which of course wasn't happening. He stood looking at me for a while wearing his supremely cute grumpy face.

Me (trying not to laugh): "I love you."
Child: "NO!"
Me: "I do love you."
Child: "Well me don't love you!"
Me (biting my tongue not to laugh): "That makes Mummy very sad." I kept working on the computer for a bit. After a couple of minutes he came and sat beside me.
Child: "Mummy?"
Me: "Mmmm?"
He reached up and grabbed my face, turning it so I was looking at him.
Child: "Me do love you Mummy. You just need to do as you told."
I cracked up and gave him a hug.

When he does something naughty I always try to make sure I clarify that it's his behaviour I don't love, not him. I never expected it to be turned around on me!

We seem to be raising the same child! Mine told me today he DID love me, but my reluctance to feed him chocolate for breakfast was cramping his style. 

[gramma dishes]

I was visiting a friend whose husband had been very ill with the flu for a couple of days and this was his first day back to work.  When he walked in, he waved Hi! to all of us and proceeded to start up the stairs to change out of his work clothes.

Immediately their two year old's face lit up and he yelled, "Mommy! Mommy!  Can I go upstairs and watch Daddy throw up?"

[Íkorna]

Tonight I babysat two girls. At one point me and the younger girl were calling each other by the names of other people we know. After running out of names, she paused to think for a bit, and finally came up with 'Home Depot'. It stuck.

Later I read them a bedtime story, 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Near the end of the book, when the Whos' are all singing, the older girl wondered aloud what would have happened if the Grinch had cut off everyone's legs instead of stealing their presents. It was asked so seriously and solemnly that I completely fell apart laughing. Because really, what would have happened?

[magiccat26]

Yesterday my 8 year old DD and I were at a Girl Scout event.  At one point the girls in our troop were all sitting together, so I pulled out the camera and asked the girls to smile.   

After taking the picture, I realized that while the other girls had smiled at the camera, my DD had a cheeseball clenched between her teeth and had crossed her eyes.   

So, I just looked at Kitten and said evilly  , "Well, that's a picture I can trot out when you are older and use to embarrass you over and over again."  Kitten's eyes got wide and she looked worried.

So later when we are driving home, I mentioned putting up all the pictures where the other GS parents could see them.  Kitten says, "Except for the one with the cheeseball, right.  That would be embarrassing."

Being the evil Mother that I am, I said, "Sorry, that's going to be the album cover."

Imagine the most dramatic/sad voice you can coming from the backseat, "My life is RUINED."

[Bexx27]

My mom told one on me. I was 6 and we were visiting Snow White's Palace in Disneyland. I turned to my mom nervously and said, "It's a good thing I'm not wearing my best dress." My mom asked why and I answered, "Because then I would be the most beautiful and the evil queen would come after me."

I wish I still had that kind of confidence. 

[Marisol]

Once when my hair was about waist length I was wearing a black velvet skirt with a deep plum colored top and a black long sleeved over shirt.  My hair was worn loose down my back.  I thought I looked good! 

A kid nearby turned to her mom, pointed at me, and exclaimed excitedly, "Look mom!  She's a witch!!!"

I don't know how to take that.

[Wonderflonium]

When my uncle was little, my great grandfather was watching him while my grandparents were at work. It was getting close to when my grandmother would be home, so Pap told my uncle to clean up his toys. He didn't. Pap warned him. He didn't do it. Finally, Pap tapped him with a fly swatter. My uncle looked up at him and said matter-of-factly, "I'm not gonna do it until you hit me hard!"

[Ponytail_Palm]

I used to babysit for two little girls. I arrived one evening while their parents were getting ready to go out. The husband came downstairs, looking nice in a suit and tie, and his older daughter (4) exclaimed "Daddy! Are you really going out in THAT?!" Gee, I wonder where she heard that from...

[Lashley]

I got one from the now-4 year old I used to babysit! His mom was trying to get him ready for school, and she called "time to get dressed!" to his room from the kitchen (very close). He yells back "I'm not here right now, leave a message after the beep!"

[Delia DeLyons]

     I was waiting in line for a teller to open up at the bank and overheard a little boy (couldn't be more than 4-5) trying to get his mother's attention while they sat across from a loan officer in a nearby office.  It caught my attention because he was SO excited and desperately trying to get her to listen to him.

     The mom finaly turned and said "What?!?!" And he pointed at the little beta fish tank on the loan officer's desk and yells "Look she's got a SEAL!!!"