Kids say the funniest things

[Samantha]

When my sister was around 3-4 she loved tacos, but wanted a soft tortilla with meat only which she called it a "squeezer," I guess because of the way she could hold it. It was maddening for babysitters - my grandmother called my mom freaking out because sis was screaming "I WANT A SQUEEZER!" and she had no idea what she was talking about!

Sounds like me, when I was a kid... Grandma was making me eggs for breakfast, and asked me how I wanted them (big mistake to ask a 2 year old how they want their eggs!). I didn't know the NAME for how Mom made them, I just knew what they looked like. So I cupped my hands together, and said "Like dis!" Which, I'm sure you guessed, did Grandma absolutely NO good whatsoever. Grandma went through a dozen eggs that morning, trying to get them right... She made them every way she knew how. Almost. I ended up eating cereal that morning.

When Mom came home from work that night, Grandma asked her how she makes eggs... Mom scrambles them! Me cupping my hands together was the fluffy clumps! It was the only way that Grandma had NOT tried making them.

[Slartibartfast]

When I went to get Babybartfast up this morning, she gave me a LONG monologue about how DH needed to put new batteries in her seahorse (stuffed seahorse which lights up and plays music - she sleeps with it) and he would take out the old batteries and put in the new batteries and then the seahorse could play louder and and and . . .

Me: "What is daddy going to do with the batteries?"
Her: "Put them inside Seahorse!"
Me: "Do you have batteries inside you?"
Her: "No, I have GAS!"

I should mention we've been working on potty training and she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever 

[MizB]

When my niece was little she liked egg "with cheese in them" Naturally, we thought she meant either an omlette or scrambled. Nope she meant hard boiled with "cheese" being the yolk.

[Delia DeLyons]

     I was making breakfast for my little cousin once and she said she wanted "what happens when you dip bread in eggs"  So I made up an awesome batch of french toast with cinnamon and vanilla - she wouldn't touch it.  She didn't even know what it was.  I said, but this is what you asked for! And she said "No... I want the bread you dip in eggs"...

     My fault I guess.. she literally wanted to dip bread in eggs (ala toast and eggs sunny side up?)  I had never encountered a 5 year old that would eat eggs that way... nor that would refuse delicious smelling french toast with butter and syrup... go figure!

[magiccat26]

The egg stories reminded me of this one...

When Kitten was around 5 she went to spend the night at my Mom's house.  The next morning, my Mom offered to make Kitten eggs but Kitten didn't know how she liked her eggs.

GMa:  Kitten I'm making eggs this morning.  Do you like them fried, scrambled or over easy.
Kitten:  I don't know
GMa tries to describe eggs
Kitten:  I'm not sure
GMa:  Well, why don't I call Mommy and see how she makes them for you.
Kitten:  No, you better call Daddy, you know Mommy doesn't cook!

My Mother was laughing so hard when she called I almost couldn't understand her. 

[gramma dishes]

. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever 

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   

[Slartibartfast]

. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever 

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   

She's just figured out what "invisible" means, so she's convinced that gas is invisible poop.  I'm not really sure how to explain that one.

[Ms_Shell]

. . .  she thinks passing gas while on the potty is the coolest thing ever 

LOL!  So do I.

It's much better when it happens "there" than when it happens in the aisle at the grocery store!!!   

She's just figured out what "invisible" means, so she's convinced that gas is invisible poop.  I'm not really sure how to explain that one.

My inner five-year-old is rolling on the floor right now. 

[Lexophile]

Story 1: My DD sometimes has a hard time waking up from naps. If she sleeps longer than usual, she's a bit out of sync when I pull her out of her crib.

The other day, she was whining and generally in a bad mood when I put her down to change her diaper after her nap. She suddenly stopped, looked up at me, and said, "Why I so cranky?"

Story 2: When I lay her down for naps, she sometimes lies there and talks, sings, or rolls around aimlessly in her crib, which interferes with her getting her rest that she needs. So I started telling her. "It's quiet time. That means no talking, no singing, and no kicking." I make her repeat it back to me so I know she gets it, and she usually has a great nap.

So yesterday I was getting her ready for day care and told her it was Valentine's Day. I asked her, "Do you know what that means?" She got a very solemn look on her face and said, "Yes. No talking, no singing, and no kicking."

Story 3: I got her up today and a small amount of gas had built up in her tummy. She burped and immediately giggled, yelling, "I tooted in my mouth!"

[yankeefan2017]

I have one from the other day. It was mortifying. LOL

My YDD (6) has a bit of trouble pronouncing certain words. Like Toilet Paper is Paper Toilet.

Well, we were walking into Home Depot and talking about going to visit Grandma. I asked YDD if she knew where Grandma lived and she looks at me like I'm dumb and says (loudly) "of course, she lives in Poosy Lucy. My mother lives in Port St Lucie

So yeah, the looks from the mostly male filled store were priceless. 

[Martienne]

I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people.

That's really interesting! My oldest daughter's first word was also 'clock' (same pronunciation issue), but unlike some of the other posters, there was no specific unusual clock that spurred this. She spent about a week every day pointing at things and grunting a general 'what's that'-type inquiring noise, and 'clock' is just the first word out of all those she heard that week that she decided to attempt. And she loved to point them out, too.

[Ponytail_Palm]

I heard this story from BF's mom.

BF's first word was "clock." Excited to be able to recognize and name something, he'd point at clocks but also meters, gauges - anything remotely clock-like - and shout "CLOCK!" Except that he couldn't pronounce the "l" yet. His mom got an awful lot of dirty looks...

Oddly enough, my youngest sister's first word was also "clock." I'm pretty sure that's quite an unusual first word... Both of them are very scientific, inventor-type people.

That's really interesting! My oldest daughter's first word was also 'clock' (same pronunciation issue), but unlike some of the other posters, there was no specific unusual clock that spurred this. She spent about a week every day pointing at things and grunting a general 'what's that'-type inquiring noise, and 'clock' is just the first word out of all those she heard that week that she decided to attempt. And she loved to point them out, too.

I'm just astounded at the number of people who know someone whose first word was "clock." It must just be one of those words that parents say to their babies a lot because it's a common household item, and babies must repeat it because it's pretty easy to say. I don't think BF or Sis had a specific clock in mind either.

[Pinky830]

When my DS was little he called lightning bugs "buggling lights."

[gramma dishes]

When my DS was little he called lightning bugs "buggling lights."

And you know what?  His term is actually more scientifically accurate than "lightning bugs".   

[kajunchick]

Last week I was out all evening running errands with my 5YO DD. It was getting late, so I ordered pizza. When we drove up to the pizza place to pick up our order, she asked me, "Are we going to eat in the restroom?" (restaurant)