Kids say the funniest things

[kajunchick]

DD and Niece were playing on DD's bed. I heard Niece saying, "boop, boop, boop". DD smacked her on the leg and said "Okay, now it's my turn to set the alarm clock." I don't know where they come up with this stuff!

[pearls n purls]

At the grocery store a father was explaining to his toddler, "No, the lady had BLONDE hair, not GREY hair.  There is a big difference.  BLONDE hair!"

[Jones]

At the store yesterday, a very little boy reached his hands up to my DH and said "DADDY!"

I've been teasing my hubby about the incident since 

[PaintingPastelPrincess]

My friend has two boys who are in early elementary school.  Since they were born, she's been working to clean up her vocabulary (often with interesting results) as she knew the point would come, sooner or later, when the boys imitated.

Well, I stopped over today one Josh was in the restroom.  I was talking to Meg in the entryway when we hear "Holy Poop-tickles!" from the bathroom, followed by a pause and then "Hey Mom? Mom! You said poop tickles but it doesn't tickle! It kinda hurts!"

I was laughing so hard I was crying and Meg was bright red.  She's now re-thinking the revised vocabulary idea.

[Piratelvr1121]

LMAO!! That's hilarious!

Last night I made chicken fajitas and Pirateboy2 came up to me when he was finished and said "Now I know why WOW flipped upside down spells Mom!"  Charmer.

[Slartibartfast]

We walked past a truck with a chihuahua in it this afternoon.  The dog was yipping like crazy from inside the cab.

MIL: Look at that dog!

Babybartfast: Yeah!  That's a boy dog.

MIL: How can you tell?

Babybartfast: He has a penis.

 

MIL was expecting some sort of three-year-old logic about how the dog was brown, or barking really fast, or something.  Neither MIL nor I knew that Babybartfast knew terms for basic male anatomy.  (And there was no way to tell from where we stood whether the dog had that particular anatomy or not.)  Surprise!

[Nikko-chan]

Slartibartfast that is too cute!

[Browyn]

An old one and a new one.  When DS was first starting to talk we did a lot of "this is a chair, this is a book" to encourage him.  At dinner I say "this is a fork" he looks at me and says "no sh$t"  We nearly died laughing.

The recent one, DS is now 7 and loosing his baby teeth.  One morning after the tooth fairy had been to our house he asks me "Mommy, is the tooth fairy real?  Or just some person who drives around in a car giving out money for teeth"

 

[lilfox]

This is long but I hope worth the read!
BG:  DD is 2.5 yrs and she knows her colors very well.  She's also into the "say the opposite for comedic effect" stage.

Monday's drive home with DD, we were talking about various things that you could see out the window during our drive into the neighborhood.  I started telling her that soon we would see our house, and this happened:

Me:  So DD, what color is our house?
DD:  It's white!
Me:  No, sweetie, it's green.  We have a green house.
DD: No, it's white!  We have a white house!
<repeat several times, even as house comes into view>
Me:  See, DD, our house is green, you can see it.
DD: No, our house is WHITE!
<we are parked and walk up to the house, which is clearly green with a white door>
Me:  The door is white but the house is green, see?
DD: No, our house is WHITE!


Tuesday's drive home, DD is talking about an tiny rubber airplane toy that she has, which is pink.  She also has a blue airplane but she doesn't like it as much.
DD: <talks about the pink airplane>
Me:  DD, you also have a blue airplane, remember?
DD: No, I only have a pink airplane.
Me: Don't you remember, I got you a blue one too.  So you have a pink one and a blue one.
DD: NO, I ONLY have a PINK airplane!
Me: Okay, but you also have a blue one.

<couple more rounds of this, then I stop talking>
<30 seconds of silence>

DD: Mommy, can you tell me the colors again?
Me: The colors of the planes?
DD: Yes!
Me:  Well, you have a pink one and a blue one.
DD: NO, I ONLY have a PINK airplane!  Not a blue one!  Only a pink one!
Me: If you say so, but there is a blue one too.
DD: NO, only the pink one!  No blue one!
Me:  Okay dear.

<30 seconds of silence>

DD:  Can you say the colors again?
Me:  Okay honey.  You have a pink one and a blue one.
DD:  No, ONLY a pink one!  And the house is WHITE!

I told DH that and we just about died laughing.   

[twiggy]

This one just happened.
3yo DS has been having a lot of bathroom accidents as this pregnancy has progressed. This was our conversation when he walked into my room.
DS:"Mommy, you need to wash my pants"
Me: "why do I need to wash your pants?"
DS: "Because you wash my pants when I poop in them"
Me: " Did you poop in your pants?"
DS: "No."
Me: " Then why do I need to wash your pants?"
DS: "For tomorrow when I poop"
Me:  Wait, so you're planning to poop in your pants tomorrow? why?"
DS: "For you to wash my pants"
Me: "Honey, I will wash your pants even if you don't poop in them. Whenever your pants are dirty, I wash them."
DS: "like if they are just dirty from poop"
Me: "even if they're dirty from playing, or from mud, or after you wear them and they need to be washed. You do NOT need to poop in your pants. ALL poop goes in the toilet. Every time."
DS: *lightbulb goes off* "You can wash pants without poop in them?"

[MommyPenguin]

Emily was pretending to be a water fairy, like in the new Tinker Bell movies. 

Emily: "Jenny, what kind of fairy do you want to be?  You could be a water fairy, a garden fairy, an animal fairy..." 
Jenny: "Um..." 
Emily: "You could be a water fairy like me!  Do you like water?"
Jenny:  "I like juice!"

[turtleIScream]

I took my 2.5 year old son to the playground today. He directed me to a little table with stools and told me to stay there while he got food for our snack. He returned shortly with a handful of dirt that he dumped on the table, and proudly announced, "I got us food!" Playing along, I asked what kind of food it was. He looked at me like I had two heads and answered, "It's dirt, Momma."

[Redwing]

My granddaughter is almost four and an avid Spiderman fan.  She and her dad were playing Spiderman with granddaughter’s  toys.  Peter and Harry were arguing saying "Mary Jane is MINE; No, she's MINE," etc.   My daughter got into the game, and g-daughter  told her to play the part of Peter (portrayed by Woody from Toy Story).  Daughter had Peter say, "I respect women's rights.  Mary Jane, you are your own unique person, and you belong to nobody except yourself."  So Son in law had Harry say, "So Mary Jane, who do you want to marry?"  And G-daughter had Mary Jane reply, "I just want to sit here and read a book."

[DynoMite]

I took my 2.5 year old son to the playground today. He directed me to a little table with stools and told me to stay there while he got food for our snack. He returned shortly with a handful of dirt that he dumped on the table, and proudly announced, "I got us food!" Playing along, I asked what kind of food it was. He looked at me like I had two heads and answered, "It's dirt, Momma."

Well, of COURSE it's dirt. Isn't that a perfectly acceptable snack in all circumstances?

*rolling on the floor laughing*

[norrina]

11 y.o. DSS after asking how long my ex and I had dated, and the answer being 7 1/2 years, "That isn't dating, that's a permanent boyfriend!"

And today, when he "hey"ed me and I told him hay is for horses, "H-E-Y not H-A-Y. Use context clues!"