Kids say the funniest things

[Kimblee]

DD loves asking you what your favourite colour is. Last night she asked the cat who answered with a meow. DD declared her favourite colour was green. Apparently DD can speak cat.

What a fine skill, it may prove useful in her adult years once she is oned by her on kitty overlords.

Seriously, this may be the cutest thing I read all week. >^.^<

[Shopaholic]

The latest from my nephew, age 6:

Nephew: "Mom, I saw a shooting star!"
SIL: "Did you make a wish?"
N: "Yes!"
S: " Do you believe that ifyou tell a wish, it won't come true?"
N: "No. I know for a fact that if I do tell, it definitely comes true. If I don't tell, it will never come true."
S: "So do you want to tell me your wish?"
N: "No! I only tell Grandma."
S: "Why?"
N: "Because she's the one that buys me my wishes!"

[Mental Magpie]

I put this in "Things you should NOT laugh at" not realizing there was this thread (through which I have not yet read, unfortunately, but will be doing shortly).

We were at the zoo, all 11 or so of us, and in the ape enclosure.  We were looking at the orangutans, one of which had his arm straight up in the air while he scratched at his armpit with the other.

The little boy had to be at the most 3, but boy did his voice carry.  He threw up his hand into the air, scratched his armpit, and said, "Look, mom!  He scratches just like you do!"

[MommyPenguin]

Jenny told me excitedly this morning, "I stayed dry last night!"  Then she went to take off her pullup and realized it was wet after all.  She looked horrified.  "Who peed in my pullup?  I didn't!"

[Bluenomi]

Jenny told me excitedly this morning, "I stayed dry last night!"  Then she went to take off her pullup and realized it was wet after all.  She looked horrified.  "Who peed in my pullup?  I didn't!"

Lol, that's awesome 

[pwv]

When my niece was about 2 or 3 and I would visit her we would have this conversation:

DN:  Pwv do you want a cookie?
pwv:  yes
DN:  Mom!! Pwv wants a cookie!!

[bopper]

Not really a funny phrase, but when my sister was 2 or 3 she didn't quite have a grasp on verbs.  Our favorite was when my brother and I would be teasing her and she'd put her little hands on her hips, stomp her foot and say "NO! I IMN'T DAT!"     I'm not sure how Imn't would be spelt, but it was pronouced with the "im" as in "him" and then "innt."  I was so sad when she stopped saying imn't, though it would be much less cute from a 17 year old lol.

My daughter did a similar thing...they are trying to form a model of the language.

For example, one could say:
He isn't going
We aren't going

and she would say
I am'nt going

[Girlie]

lol.
These remind me of a time when my nephew was a toddler and was misbehaving while in the grocery store with my sis. She gives him The Look and starts to warn him to stop whatever it was he was doing, and he starts screeching hysterically, "Mama, NO! Don't BEAT ME! PLEASE don't beat me! PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME!!!"
My nephew has never been beaten in his life, but by the time they left, sis was afraid CPS would be on them!

Same nephew, as a toddler, also took the "don't talk to strangers," and "don't tell strangers your name" advice waaaaaay too seriously. When he was with his parents and someone he didn't know would ask his name, he would tell them his name was Ben... and it isn't. And if his mom said his true name, he would correct them by arguing - "NO! My name is BEN. She doesn't know my name. She's just my mom." 

[emeraldsage85]

My parents live on a farm and my 2 year old nephew loves visiting them. One day my dad took him for a ride on the tractor. He warned nephew not to touch a certain pipe by saying, "HOT. Burn hand." Now my nephew tells everyone he meets, "Papa's tractor hot. Me burn hand." Then he shows them the imaginary "burn" on his hand. It's a different place every time. 

[norrina]

I just thought of one my youngest brother used to say when he was little (probably 3ish). Mom would get exasperated with him and say, "Joseph T. Doolittle, BE.HAVE!" and my little brother would look at her very solemnly and say, "But, I'm BEING have!"

And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

[CrochetFanatic]

My dad tells a story about when he was a little kid, probably about three or four.  He was visiting his aunt's farm, and his aunt was milking a cow by hand.  I think they just had that one cow...I don't know all the details.  Anyway, for a joke, his aunt squirted a jet of milk at him.  My dad got annoyed, and said to my grandmother, "That wasn't very nice!  She 'delibally' made that cow wee-wee on me!" 

[Elfmama]

My parents live on a farm and my 2 year old nephew loves visiting them. One day my dad took him for a ride on the tractor. He warned nephew not to touch a certain pipe by saying, "HOT. Burn hand." Now my nephew tells everyone he meets, "Papa's tractor hot. Me burn hand." Then he shows them the imaginary "burn" on his hand. It's a different place every time. 

When Grandson #3 was a toddler, he decided that throwing himself on their sleeping Golden Retriever would be a fun thing to do.  The poor dog, who was clearly not expecting any such thing to disturb her nap, rared up and in doing so, managed to whack GS upside the head with her muzzle. It was a good thing I witnessed this, because he went howling to his mother "Goggie BITED me!!!"  He was adamant for several days that the dog "bited" him.

[purplebunny]

lol.
These remind me of a time when my nephew was a toddler and was misbehaving while in the grocery store with my sis. She gives him The Look and starts to warn him to stop whatever it was he was doing, and he starts screeching hysterically, "Mama, NO! Don't BEAT ME! PLEASE don't beat me! PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME!!!"
My nephew has never been beaten in his life, but by the time they left, sis was afraid CPS would be on them!

Are we related? My Uncle D, back in his non-sober days, used to teach his nieces and nephews to say "Please don't beat me mommy!" while at the grocery store or other public place. I believe I performed in the middle of Safeway.

[bopper]

Before we went to a civil war reenactment recently, DH explained to our 4 year old son about the war.  DS asked "Which side were the vampires?"

Well if you have seen "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer" you will know the answer to that question.

[Girlie]

Are we related? My Uncle D, back in his non-sober days, used to teach his nieces and nephews to say "Please don't beat me mommy!" while at the grocery store or other public place. I believe I performed in the middle of Safeway.

lol.

This same nephew (Allen) didn't have a lot of kids his age around when he was little, so he was mostly around adults. I think it's unfortunate that he didn't have more playmates, but he was so smart and so serious and so toddlerishly opinionated that he gave us lots of funny "I can't believe he said that!" moments.

One day, he was talking to one of my sister's co-workers who said something that was obviously meant to be funny. Allen was not in a humorous mood, apparently, because he gave her a stern look and said,
"There's no need to be acetious." (as in, "facetious," without the "f.")
Said co-worker turned to him in surprise and said, "Allen! Do you even know what FACETIOUS means?"
Allen responds, "It's ACETIOUS, and if you don't know what it means, you should look it up!" 

He always was quite cheeky!