Are we related? My Uncle D, back in his non-sober days, used to teach his nieces and nephews to say "Please don't beat me mommy!" while at the grocery store or other public place. I believe I performed in the middle of Safeway.
This same nephew (Allen) didn't have a lot of kids his age around when he was little, so he was mostly around adults. I think it's unfortunate that he didn't have more playmates, but he was so smart and so serious and so toddlerishly opinionated that he gave us lots of funny "I can't believe he said that!" moments.
One day, he was talking to one of my sister's co-workers who said something that was obviously meant to be funny. Allen was not in a humorous mood, apparently, because he gave her a stern look and said,
"There's no need to be acetious." (as in, "facetious," without the "f.")
Said co-worker turned to him in surprise and said, "Allen! Do you even know what FACETIOUS means?"
Allen responds, "It's ACETIOUS, and if you don't know what it means, you should look it up!"
He always was quite cheeky!