Kids say the funniest things

[Slartibartfast]

DH: "Babybartfast, there's a letter in the mail for you!"

BBF: "What is it?"

DH: "It's from our bank, telling you happy birthday, because your birthday is coming up soon!"

BBF: "Oh, is our bank coming to my birthday party?" [note: she's been inviting everyone she sees to her birthday party, including the mailman and the lawn guy and MIL's hairstylist.]

DH: "No, the bank is a company, not a person."

BBF: "NO, daddy, I mean all the people INSIDE the bank want to come to my party!"

(Even without the mailman and the 200+ employees of our credit union, this will still end up being a big party!)

[violinp]

Too cute! 

[magiccat26]

My DH, Kitten (9) and I were driving somewhere recently.  DH and I were in the front seat having a mock argument (it was silly and meant to be just teasing...I don't remember the topic) when this exchange occurred:

Kitten:  Yes, Mommy.  Daddy is right.
Magiccat:  WHAT?  You're taking Daddy's side!!??!!
Kitten:  Hey, I don't take sides, I just keep track of the data.

[Bluenomi]

My DH, Kitten (9) and I were driving somewhere recently.  DH and I were in the front seat having a mock argument (it was silly and meant to be just teasing...I don't remember the topic) when this exchange occurred:

Kitten:  Yes, Mommy.  Daddy is right.
Magiccat:  WHAT?  You're taking Daddy's side!!??!!
Kitten:  Hey, I don't take sides, I just keep track of the data.

LOL! Kitten is going to go far me thinks 

[SleepyKitty]

My older niece was around five when she had to go to the doctor for what turned out to be a UTI, where she learned the clinical names for her girl parts. She always took showers/baths with her mother, never her father, so didn't really know what the actual difference between boys and girls was. The next day, she was kind of playing around, teasing everyone at the table. So she says:

"My sister's head is this big!" Cue holding her hands apart.
"My mommy's tummy is this big!"
"My daddy's vagina is this big!" 

My younger niece attends the same school as ON, and ON was having a problem where some girls were being mean to her. It wasn't really bullying - my sister was very careful to speak with the school about the situation to see what exactly was going on - it was fairly normal conflicts between girls that age. ON, however, is very dramatic and had seen things about bullying on TV, and so insisted it was bullying and horrible and cruel and of course she didn't need to share her crayons. My sister and I were talking over some strategies for dealing with bullies with the two girls, when YN piped up:

YN: "Well, ON, you don't need to worry about bullies now that I am going to *their school*."
ON: *dramatic SNIFF* "Why?"
YN: "Well, I know how to deal with bullies."
ON: "How?"
YN: "I'll karate chop their heads off!" YN followed this up with a Bruce Lee shout, a poorly executed air-kick, a karate chop to the air, and then bolted from the room.

[Seraphia]

Oldest niece (6) has been picking her careers out this week.

She wants to be a rock star, and after she quits the band, she's going to make jewels and rock star costumes. I think that's a fine plan, especially since the ballerina-fairy-princess career path is unlikely to work out.

Then she turned to me and added: "And when I get big, I'm going to wear shirts that show my tummy, like this!" *rolls up her tank top* Cue Auntie going.

[emeraldsage85]

And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.

[Amava]

And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.

That is soooo incorrect, some are called bacon. 

[gramma dishes]

And one of my daycare children (4 y.o.) told me once that a baby pig is an "oinkling".

My brother is big on teaching on my nephew where his food comes from. He explained all the animals and which meats they're made into. Now nephew insists that all pigs are called ham.

That is soooo incorrect, some are called bacon. 

And some are called Pork Chops.  The fattest little piggies are called Stuffed Pork Chops!

[Slartibartfast]

DH was showing Babybartfast her first episode of "Lassie" yesterday - she loves the movie, but the movie has nothing at all to do with the show other than having a dog    Anyway, he was explaining that the TV show was made a long time ago, when the cameras weren't able to take pictures in color, so that's why the show is in black and white.  Babybartfast mulled this over for a bit, then asked "Where's [MIL?]"  Yes, because my MIL is so old, she must be in any black-and-white TV production 

[White Dragon]

We were on a multi-day road trip with 2 of my kids and 2 nieces.
On the long stretches, the kids preferred to take their shoes off as it was more comfortable.

As we approached a stopping point, I'd let them know to start finding and putting on their footwear.

So I called back "We'll be stopping in about 5 minutes! Time to put your feet back on!"
From the back seat, OldestNiece piped up with "I can't! I sold them to a questionable doctor in Venezuala!"
 
We cracked up, and for the rest of the trip, that questionable doctor was blamed for pretty much everything!*

OldestNeice is staying with us for the summer, and let me tell you, "The Doctor" is alive and well in my house!

*The doctor was second only to 'General St. Jerome St. Jerome-St. Bernard', who apparently discovered Yellowstone and was the world's most hapless explorer!

[Elfmama]

BG: DD#2 tried to call home from work yesterday, and failing to raise anyone, asked me to go over and make sure that everyone there is still alive.  Arrived to find the two little boys playing video games and 1 teenager still sleeping.  DD cannot answer her phone at work, although she can make calls from it and receive texts.  I texted her Children not eaten by orcses. "must have been asleep" when you called. 

J asked what I texted to her, and then said "Orcs wouldn't eat me -- I talk too much!"

Not to be outdone, R said "They wouldn't eat me, either!  I'm too quiet!"

[Sanity Lost]

Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses

My 7 month old DD got her eldest brother (10) yesterday. Both were lying on the floor and he looked at me and asked "Mom why are babies so dumb? They never do anything". Apparently DD took exception to this. She promptly rolled over, sqooshed her bum against his face, and then farted and filled her diaper.

Once I stopped laughing so hard, I told him that she had made her opinion known and now he gets to change her.

DS was not pleased. That's my girl.     

[Elfmama]

Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses

They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.

[Mental Magpie]

Elfmama, That explains it! They fed "B" to the orcses

They would be full-fed orcses picking hairs out of their teeth.  B is now almost as tall as his grandfather and is filling out across the shoulders.  He has a good start on a mustache and if he doesn't shave, muttonchop sideburns.  He's only 13. Heaven only knows how big he'll be before he stops growing.

Luckily he's male...if he was me, he'd be 5'7" by the time he was 12 and stop there...Do you know how awkward it is being that tall at that age?  I was taller than some of my teachers and all of the boys, too...