Kids say the funniest things

[wonderfullyanonymous]

DF and I watched a comedian last night by the name of Jo Koy. He was talking about his 5 y/o son, and how much he likes to play with his penis, but not in a scrabble way, but in a "this is the coolest toy on the planet" kind of way. His son also calls it a "te-te". He relayed a story, from when he was in Australia and he called home to see how all was going.

His wife says, "do you know what your son did?"

"No, what did he do?"

"He colored his te-te green, with a permanent marker."

"Did you take a picture?"

"That's not the funny part, he drew eyes on his testicles."

I was rolling, as I have 2 boys, and could almost picture them doing the very same thing at that age.

[MrsJWine]

That is the funniest thing I've heard or read all day.

[twiggy]

DS and I were playing school yesterday. I had to quit doing my 'scissor work' (cutting out random shapes/squiggles DS drew for me) to feed the baby, and I never came back to it. I told DS that I was done, and put my scissors away. He responded by drawing an elaborate picture and telling me "this is a artwork, but it's just for your husband (his dad). It's not for you because you didn't do your scissor work, so it's a punishment."

Then he drew a picture of our family, but gave me a tail.

[crella]

but gave me a tail

Because you're in the doghouse? He's too funny!

[Sheila Take a Bow]

My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.

[Bexx27]

My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.

She's very clever. You'll have to watch out when she's a teenager. 

I left DD (3.5) at my parents' house for a few hours last weekend. She was resisting washing her hands after spending some time outside, so my mom said, "your mommy will be mad at me if I don't make sure you wash your hands and then you get sick." DD replied, "we could lie." My mom related the conversation to me and warned me to "watch out for this one."

Sure enough, this morning she was playing in her room with the door closed. I tried to open it and she pushed back so I couldn't. I told her to let me in because I was about to leave for work and wanted to kiss her good-bye. She stopped pushing and I entered to see that she had taken a long strand of Mardi Gras beads, hooked one end around her footstool, twisted it in the middle, and looped the other end around the cat's neck.*  I scolded DD and told her to never, ever put anything around the cat's neck because it could choke her. She protested, "but she was pulling my sleigh! I closed the door so you wouldn't find out!" I think we'll be insisting on open doors from now on...

*The cat was not in any danger. The loop was very wide and the cat could have backed out of it. She was being amazingly tolerant.

[blue2000]

My daughter (she's 4 1/2) wants a cat.  I want one, too.  My husband is reluctant.

Today, as I drove my daughter to school, we saw a cat sitting under a tree.

    Daughter:  Mommy, go get that cat.

    Me:  Baby, Daddy would be mad if we just brought home a cat.

    Daughter:  We won't tell Daddy.

    Me:  Don't you think Daddy would notice a cat in the house?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it's a stuffed animal.

    Me:  What about when it meows?

    Daughter:  We can pretend it was me.

    Me:  How are we going to feed the cat without Daddy noticing?

    Daughter:  We can put food under Daddy's chair at dinner.  And then Daddy won't see the cat under his chair.

That reminds me of my mother's favourite book to read when I was a kid, called "Mommy, Buy Me A China Doll".

"Mommy, buy me a china doll. Do, Mommy do!
But what shall we buy it with Eliza Lou?
Trade our Daddy's feather bed. Do, Mommy do!
Trade our daddy's feather bed, then where would our daddy sleep, Eliza Lou?
He could sleep in the horsie's bed. Do, Mommy do!"

(Spoiler - Eliza Lou does not get the doll. But it has a sweet ending just the same.)

[Slartibartfast]

*CRASH*

Me: "Babybartfast, stop throwing your toys down the stairs!"

Her: "Well they weren't my toys . . ."

[Bluenomi]

*CRASH*

Me: "Babybartfast, stop throwing your toys down the stairs!"

Her: "Well they weren't my toys . . ."

DD does that! Sometimes they are too smart for their own good 

[mmswm]

A conversation between me and my 13yo son...

Me:  Why do we have no water?  Do you know if Granddad turned off the water?
DS: I don't think so, I'll go find him and ask.
Me:  Okay.
About 30 seconds later

DS: Hey mom, is there a difference between these two levers?
Me: Um, one's the pump for the pool and one's the main water shut off valve for the house.
DS: Oh.  Ooops.

Yup, DS tried to top off the water level in the pool but shut the water to the house instead.

[turtleIScream]

Potty-training is not going well at our house. My son knows all the mechanics, but nothing is working to get him to keep his pants dry. After changing yet another pair of dirty pants today, I asked him, "what is it going to take to get you to keep your underpants dry?"

He looked at me solemnly and answered, "a long time."

[Piratelvr1121]

Another funny thing.  I was doing yoga earlier and when I got into what I think is called cobra pose (upper half of body propped up on elbows with head up) the babe crawled on my back right before the instructor on the DVD said "Now up on all fours, go into downward dog, then bring your knees to your chest and go into sun salutation pose!" Ummm...yeah, that's going to be a bit tricky, here without bucking the toddler off my back. 

He thought it was hilarious though as mama tried to get up on all fours without dismounting him in a way that would hurt him.  And he's got a very infectious giggle so I couldn't help but laugh and well hey, laughter's a good exercise for the abdomen, right?

Earlier this morning the middle child put the edge of the sippy cup lid in his mouth, on his fours like a dog and shook the cup before throwing it to the side.  Piratebabe lost his mind, laughing till he could barely breathe.  Pirateboy2 kept doing it until I guess Piratebabe couldn't take it anymore and took the cup away while shaking his head.   

Then two minutes later he brought the cup back and pressed it against his brother's lips.

[twiggy]

Piratelvr, I love hearing stories about your kids. They sound hysterical, sweet and just all around awesome!

Last night I was at the store and overheard this interaction between a little girl and her mom "but I wasn't running, I was skipping

[mmswm]

Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.

[Piratelvr1121]

Youngest DS has several metal plates and screws in multiple joints.  His doctors are discussing two additional procedures which will require additional metal implants. He was discussing this with my youngest brother.

Brother: You're the bionic boy!
DS:  If I get any more metal implants, I'm going to be a Borg.

Ummm, yeah.  Nobody in this house is a Star Trek fan.  Nope, not at all.

LOL!! Not at all.  He's cute and sounds like he has a good attitude about it.