Kids say the funniest things

[Dazi]

Random grocery store event:

A little boy, probably in the area of 3 or 4, walked up to me and announced my breasts were larger than his mommy's and I was pretty, turned and walked back to his grandmother.  Poor woman looked mortified, apologised and told me that he was at that age were he was fascinated by body parts.


I kind of thought it was hysterical.

What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   

I have a nice rack, and I am also round, and working in a grocery store, I get this occasioinally, but nothing will mortify a parent more than if a child asks a "round" lady if she is going to have a baby.

I've had that happen too, but not in a good ten years or so.  Little kids I sort of expect not to have a very good mouth filter.

[gramma dishes]

What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   

And so much better being told that by a 3 or 4 year old than by a lecherous old coot!!   

[Dazi]

What woman doesn't appreciate being told that she looks pretty and has a nice rack?   

And so much better being told that by a 3 or 4 year old than by a lecherous old coot!!   

That is not a point I had considered, but definitely true.

[Liliane]

I have a couple from my niece...

When she was just a wee little bub, old enough to talk and eat some solids but still young enough to have her bum plunked into a high chair, she happened to have some yogurt for lunch one day. Mom and I were just doing our own thing, when abruptly niece looks up from her lunch and announces in a very solemn tone, "It's bwoo-bewwy."

It took us a good long while to stop laughing, and the kid was just looking at us like we were crazy... 

Next one: niece was walking by this time. I'm an unapologetic drinker of lots of Pepsi, and I'd just come downstairs to get something for a sinus headache. Niece contemplated me, then walked over to my open pack of Pepsi, fished out a can and handed it to me, proclaiming "Here!" Niece got a fit of giggles and a nice squeezy hug for that one, the silly little thing.

And the last one: this is from...just a couple months ago, actually. Family and I had gathered in my grandfather's city for his funeral when he died, and my dear aunt insisted on taking us out to dinner almost every night as thanks for helping her with planning and whatnot. So we were on the way back to the hotel from dinner - we've got a Kia Sorento right now, so front seats, one middle row and two fold-down jumper seats in the back cargo area. (This is important, I swear.) Dad was driving, sister was up front, Mom and I in the middle and niece in one of the seats in the back, and I was entertaining niece as I was sitting right in front of her. Things got a bit loud, as things are wont to do when kids are involved, and to quiet us down, Mom sternly asked "Who's the six year old here?"

At which point niece raised her hand and shouted, "Ooh! Me! The six year old in the trunk!"

We didn't stop laughing until we were back at the hotel.

(That kid's had so many other good quotes...she's a riot!)

ETA: And here's one from when I was wee. My parents knew a rather...exasperating man, the type who thought he knew it all and wasn't afraid to tell you so, and just generally grated on people's nerves. His name was Andy, and his last name was something you really wouldn't expect a very young child to be able to say properly, so when he met little me for the first time, he asked me "Can you say 'hi, Uncle Andy'?"

Cheeky little me looked him right in the eye and replied, "Hi, Mr. (lastname)."

I hear he was very embarrassed that a baby showed him up.

[Piratelvr1121]

Our church had their vacation bible school this past week and there was a group of 3-4 year olds who were mostly potty trained or wearing pull ups.  At the end of each night we'd all gather in the sanctuary for closing prayer and to sing a song.  So the adults looking after the little ones were coming up in the elevator.  Someone spilled a cup of water and it happened to be under one child.  The teacher thought someone had made a mess.

Teacher (K) said "Uh-oh, who peed?"  One of the little boys said "That be me!"  Little boy's parents were teaching too, outside and hadn't come in just yet. But apparently on the way down there it became clear that the child had peed...in his pull up.   

So when K said "Who peed?", since R had peed, he admitted to it, not realizing she'd meant "who peed on the floor."

[twiggy]

Apparently DS needs more fiber in his diet. He told me the other day, "Mom, I have poop in my butt. Do you know how to get it out? First I have to be really strong, then I sit on the toilet and go *insert grunting noises* and then I'm all done."

Thank you Son, I needed that laugh.

Also earlier this week: DS is allowed to go in the backyard and play on his own for short periods during the day. On this particular day, he came inside asking me to help him put his helmet on. That was weird because his bike and scooter are usually front yard toys, but I confirmed that he was headed to the back yard, and went about my business. He came in about 10 minutes later. Later that evening I was feeding the dog and noticed something that almost made my heart stop. DS's scooter was on the trampoline! I immediately called for him and asked what the scooter was doing there, and his answer was a perfect example of "kid logic"

DS: "Well, I wanted to jump on my scooter, but I can't do it on the porch. So I put my scooter on the trampoline. But that's the most dangerous thing ever. So I got my helmet for safety."
Me: looking dumbfounded and horrified
DS: "It's ok Mom. Sissy was inside, so she didn't see me being such a crazy example."
Me: *sputtering* "Sweetie, that's DANGEROUS. I don't ever want to see toys on the trampoline. You could get hurt."
DS: "but Mooooom, I didn't get hurt. And I weared my helmet"

We had a long talk about trampoline safety, but DS still feels that his precautions of 1. Wearing a helmet, and 2. Not letting his sister see him, were more than adequate.

[crella]

Too funny! In kindergarten on of my son's classmates rode a scooter down the slide. Why? "Because I can't possibly go that fast just pushing with my foot." Makes perfect sense, right? 

[twiggy]

he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( ) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

[crella]

He's hilarious! Never a dull moment, I bet!

[kherbert05]

Too funny! In kindergarten on of my son's classmates rode a scooter down the slide. Why? "Because I can't possibly go that fast just pushing with my foot." Makes perfect sense, right? 

I've had 2 (5th graders) students ride skateboards off porch roofs (Climbed out 2nd floor windows to get to the roof). A third, a second grader, got caught, by the cops, trying to get his bike up on the roof of a 2 story apartment building.

[Piratelvr1121]

Twiggy, your boy reminds me of a 3 year old at our church.  From what I've been told, this kid managed to ride a trike down the 4 stairs of the hall's stage and remain relatively unscathed, painted walls with shampoo, among other things.

It's a good thing his mom has a wonderful sense of humor!

[Outdoor Girl]

My brother rode the vacuum cleaner down the stairs.  Fortunately, it was a split level house so it was only a half flight, but still.

[wonderfullyanonymous]

After reading these:

My brother rode the vacuum cleaner down the stairs.  Fortunately, it was a split level house so it was only a half flight, but still.

Twiggy, your boy reminds me of a 3 year old at our church.  From what I've been told, this kid managed to ride a trike down the 4 stairs of the hall's stage and remain relatively unscathed, painted walls with shampoo, among other things.

It's a good thing his mom has a wonderful sense of humor!

he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( ) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

I realize that they did NOT break the mold after my youngest was born, and they probably should have.

[mmswm]

he's on a tear this week. Two days ago he came up and asked me "Mom, do you remember the table in the playroom that used to be brown?" Ummmm, what do you mean used to be? "Well, I just got the spray paint ( ) and now it's red. Do you want to see?" In the process he also got the puppy. So both of the boy puppies have spots, but only one is natural Later I caught DS under the table with a sponge and the puppy trying the scrub the paint out of his coat.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with this child. He also dumped most of a bottle of bubble bath on his sister's head because he "couldn't do it on [his] head because [he] would get soap in [his] eyes and that burns!"

Are you sure we're not related?  I could tell dozens of similar stories about my middle son.  The other two are pretty typical boys, but the middle one is just flat out crazy.  He'll try anything once.  Sometimes more than once.  He's the one I had to rescue off the roof of the house when he was 2.  It just got worse from there.

[Outdoor Girl]

Oh, no.  They only get older.  A guy I used to work with was quite the partier.  He and his wife threw a housewarming party and they all got into the sauce.  He and his buddies ended up riding the ironing board down the basement stairs, with 3 or 4 of them on it, like a bobsled!

In the sober light of day, his wife wasn't amused.  It got worse when one of his buddies came over with a new ironing board.  Nice to replace what they damaged, right?  Yeah, except for the handlebars he attached to the thing.

'You're not helping, man.'