Kids say the funniest things

[cwm]

One of Sproglet's favorite times of EVER is bathtime/showertime.

Tuesday I was over at Sis's apartment for dinner with her and Sproglet. And about 8 times in a row, the kid said she didn't want bath. It was weird.

"Sproglet, do you want bath?"
"Baff....NO!"
"Do you want...a pony?"
"No."
"Do you want a million dollars?"
"NYEOOOO!"
"Do you want a castle?"
"Caffl...yeah!"
"Do you want Batman?"
"Manaman yeah."
"Okay, let's go get Batman."


Also, she's getting half decent at counting. She knows her numbers, she knows what order they go in, she just doesn't always do it on her own. So Tuesday Sis was counting from the kitchen and Sproglet was counting with her from the other room.
"One"   "One"
"Two"   "Two"
"Three"   "Free"
"Four"   "Two"
"Five"  "Two"
"Six"   "Two"
"Seven"   "Two"
"Eight"   "NIIIIINE!"
"Nine"   (silence)
"Ten"   "TEN!"

Later we were asking her what came after certain numbers.

"What comes after eight?"
"Nine."
"What comes after nine?"
"Nine two."

We both lost it laughing so hard.

[Ms_Cellany]

My nephew was the World's Most Literal Kid.  When he was about 5, he was in the back seat while my sister & I were up front. She and I were counting:
Sister: "One."
Me: "Two."
"Three"
"Seven"
"Five"
"Thirty-nine"
"Seven"
"Four"

This little voice piped up from the back: "Aunt [name], I think you better stop. You're not very good at this."

[Elisabunny]

My seven-year-old informed us that planets are made of rocks, dirt, and gas.  "Except for fake planets.  They're made of cardboard."

[Piratelvr1121]

This one delights my DH, as it's because of his influence that the little guy picked it up from hearing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLTZctTG6cE and DH doing it himself.

So now and then when he's happy he inhales and then very softly says "Yay!" DH crows he's turned all 3 of our boys into Bronies but the little guy also likes pirates.

[Piratelvr1121]

Heehee..another one to add.  We love Finding Nemo in this house (Dh has been calling Piratebabe "Squirt" since his birth) and since the wee one has been able to give high fives we've been working on teaching him the "Fin, Noggin', duuuude" bit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhAJzVkygv4

Up till recently he had the "Fin" and "Noggin" part down.  We'd say "Give me some fin" and he'd give us five, "noggin" we'd do a head bump, but today he started saying "Duuuuude!"

[mmswm]

Cast of Characters:
B-my 10 year old brother
DS3-my 11 year old son (youngest)
DS1-my 14 year old son (oldest..I have a 12 year old as well that wasn't present)

The boys were watching one of the TV programs about truck drivers.  The term "super trucker" was used.

B-What's a super trucker?
DS3-I don't know.  A trucker driver with super powers?
DS1-Yeah, and wears a 53 foot cape.

For those who don't know, the standard length of a regular "box" type semi trailer is 53 feet.  You see other lengths (older trailers, pup trailers, trailers for doubles/triples, etc), but these days that's the standard length.

[Mel the Redcap]

When my third niece was very small, she had the following conversation with the Good Ethnic Boy (then my boyfriend, now my husband ):

Niece: "Uncle GEB, I love you!
GEB: "I love you too, hon."
Niece: "And when I grow up, I'm going to marry you."
GEB: "Uh, what about Auntie Mel?"
Niece: *snaps fingers* "Sucks to Auntie Mel!"

[Pen^2]

I teach, among other things, a class of 4-5 year olds. They are adorable, and the things they say are hilarious.

4 year old girl: My mummy went to the 'quarium! She saw a shark and a fish and a stingray and a octopus!
Me: Wow, that's fantastic! And 'stingray' is a big word, do you know what it means?
4 year old girl: Yep! A stingray is a shark that got squashed flat! *smacks her hands together* Bam! Like that!

There was also a 5 year old boy who was convinced that dinosaurs still exist. According to him, they live in India. Their natural enemies are tigers, of course, and they do battle daily. Nothing I could say could convince him otherwise, and frankly, I'm partially glad because his world view is so much cooler than the real world.

[Slartibartfast]

I've been gone for most of the last week.  I went to pick Babybartfast up from kindergarten today and opted to go in instead of wait in the car line so I could get a hug    So the following exchange took place in front of the principal:

Me: Babybartfast!  I missed you!  How was your day!

Her: Mama!  I love you!  *big hug*  Did you know that all the animals in Minecraft have DNA?  It's true!!!!!

Principal: *snort*

(Babybartfast's current obsession is playing the computer game Minecraft. When she can't do that, she wants to watch videos of other people playing it on YouTube.  Many of the videos are demonstrating "mods," or extra bits people write to add to the game.  Apparently there's a mod out there that lets you draw DNA from the animals in the game and create your own hybrid monsters - at least, what's what I can understand from what she was describing.)

Anyway, so this led to a good discussion in the car about what DNA is.  DH works at a genetics lab, which does a lot of gene sequencing, so I thought it would be neat for Babybartfast to understand a bit more about it.  I explained how all living things have DNA, how most of our DNA tells our bodies how to be human, and how a little bit of our DNA makes us all different from each other and no two people have the same DNA.  She interrupted me: "I know two people who do!  Jasmine and a girl in my class have the same ponytail!  And they have the same skin [Jasmine is a friend who is mixed race] and they both sometimes wear pigtails!  Isn't that cool?"

So yeah, in her world, your DNA determines whether you can wear pigtails 

[ladyknight1]

This is in the Addams family type of humor vein. DS (15) is not really planning to off me.

Last evening, while waiting for our turns, we were each doing homework and checking our planners. DS shows me his planner, but held it out like he wanted me to take it from him. I go to take it, and he tells me no, that he isn't sure anything is written in it. He then asks me for the dates for the cruise, so he can write those in his planner.

He writes this: 10/24 - school holiday
10/25 - school holiday & leave on cruise
10/26 - throw mother off the starboard bow - wave at her
10/27 - mourn mother
10/28 - call Nana and Papa (my parents) and tell them "neener didn't like it" - (What I used to say as a toddler.)

I admire his plan and am grateful he inherited my sense of humor. 

[violinp]

This is in the Addams family type of humor vein. DS (15) is not really planning to off me.

Last evening, while waiting for our turns, we were each doing homework and checking our planners. DS shows me his planner, but held it out like he wanted me to take it from him. I go to take it, and he tells me no, that he isn't sure anything is written in it. He then asks me for the dates for the cruise, so he can write those in his planner.

He writes this: 10/24 - school holiday
10/25 - school holiday & leave on cruise
10/26 - throw mother off the starboard bow - wave at her
10/27 - mourn mother
10/28 - call Nana and Papa (my parents) and tell them "neener didn't like it" - (What I used to say as a toddler.)

I admire his plan and am grateful he inherited my sense of humor. 

Last week, I was tearing tickets at work, and this group of kids came in. After I tore their tickets, one of the little boys kept asking me all of these questions about "how the box works" (I have a box I put the stubs in), and what my job was, and so on. His friend hissed, "You don't talk to strangers! Stranger danger!"

The little boy loudly proclaimed, "Well, I wanna talk to this stranger!" I had tears in my eyes from trying not to laugh. 

[ladyknight1]

^ I would have been laughing too!

[kajunchick]

I took my DS to Build a Bear for his fifth birthday. He made a stuffed dog and named it "Josh Awkward".

He has trouble pronouncing the fr sound, and last night he asked my mom if he could have some "schrute juice". My 15 yr old daughter looked up from her phone and said, "Does it taste like beets?" They crack me up!

[cwm]

Sis has regular date nights with her boyfriend. He comes over, they cook dinner, and spend the evening with Sproglet. Apparently one night recently, SBF was joking around by tossing a paperback at Sis. Sproglet pointed at him and screamed "NO! 'SPECT BOOKS!"

You see, when she's throwing a tantrum and wanting to throw books or when she's wanting to draw on them, her mommy comes over and gently reprimands her, "No, honey, we respect books."

I am not allowed to mention this story in front of SBF. Apparently it's a bit embarassing to be reprimanded by a toddler for something so basic.

[Mel the Redcap]

Sis has regular date nights with her boyfriend. He comes over, they cook dinner, and spend the evening with Sproglet. Apparently one night recently, SBF was joking around by tossing a paperback at Sis. Sproglet pointed at him and screamed "NO! 'SPECT BOOKS!"

You see, when she's throwing a tantrum and wanting to throw books or when she's wanting to draw on them, her mommy comes over and gently reprimands her, "No, honey, we respect books."

I am not allowed to mention this story in front of SBF. Apparently it's a bit embarassing to be reprimanded by a toddler for something so basic.

*falls over laughing*

Oh, that is MAGNIFICENT.