Kids say the funniest things

[Pen^2]

Today I had a 5 year old kid whose pencil lead broke off. It just needed to be sharpened a bit to be usable again. He had a sharpener next to him, but at home (I found out later) his parents always do it for him. So he called for me and held out the broken-off bit of lead and the blunt pencil.

Him: "What should I do?"
Me: "We can throw it away, and then I'll sharpen the pencil so you can use it again. Then it'll be all fixed!"
I got the little class dustbin and held it out for him to discard the lead. Instead, he threw the pencil out, and kept hold of the lead. Looking at it, he then asked:
Him: "Now what should I do?"

Working with kids gives everyday reminders that no matter how clear an instruction is, they will always be able to come up with bizarre and unpredictable ways of misinterpreting it. You just can't prepare in advance for everything. It's like trying to make something fool-proof. It isn't possible, because fools are often too ingenious in their foolishness to ever be fully taken into account in advance.

[guihong]

My DS13 and his friend were playing a computer game, when DS shouted, "Friend, when you tell me something, you have to be pacific!"  Then, "Mom, he's not being pacific!"

A lot of folks have trouble with being specific, too 

[twiggy]

I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I'm spamming this post, but my kids keep cracking me up. I promise I'll take a break after I share these 2 zoo stories 

2yo DD is potty training at the moment, and I usually put her in a diaper when we go to the zoo because there are long stretches between bathrooms. Today she stayed dry all day! We also saw lots of fun animals, had snacks, played at the playground, and petted goats at the petting zoo. Towards the end of the day, we were chatting with one of the keepers who asked DD what her favorite part of the day was. She answered, "I go poopy in the toilet, and Mommy maked it go way. And I say 'bye bye yucky poop.'"

5yo DS really enjoyed seeing the zebras today. There are a daddy zebra, 2 mommy zebras, and 2 baby zebras at our zoo. One of the baby zebras is quite obviously a boy zebra. I made a general comment about the boy zebra, and mentioned that he was a he. DS said, very loudly (of course. They're never quiet when they say things like this ) "Mommy, I know he's a boy because I can see his big, black p*nis. How come he's just a baby but he has such a big p*nis?" I'll let you imagine the conversation that followed between him and the little girl who was shocked and outraged at DS's use of a "naughty word" and DS's firm protestations that it's the right word, and not naughty, and he should know because he has one and she doesn't...Suffice it to say, we hurried off to see the flamingos

[Nikko-chan]

I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I'm spamming this post, but my kids keep cracking me up. I promise I'll take a break after I share these 2 zoo stories 

2yo DD is potty training at the moment, and I usually put her in a diaper when we go to the zoo because there are long stretches between bathrooms. Today she stayed dry all day! We also saw lots of fun animals, had snacks, played at the playground, and petted goats at the petting zoo. Towards the end of the day, we were chatting with one of the keepers who asked DD what her favorite part of the day was. She answered, "I go poopy in the toilet, and Mommy maked it go way. And I say 'bye bye yucky poop.'"

5yo DS really enjoyed seeing the zebras today. There are a daddy zebra, 2 mommy zebras, and 2 baby zebras at our zoo. One of the baby zebras is quite obviously a boy zebra. I made a general comment about the boy zebra, and mentioned that he was a he. DS said, very loudly (of course. They're never quiet when they say things like this ) "Mommy, I know he's a boy because I can see his big, black p*nis. How come he's just a baby but he has such a big p*nis?" I'll let you imagine the conversation that followed between him and the little girl who was shocked and outraged at DS's use of a "naughty word" and DS's firm protestations that it's the right word, and not naughty, and he should know because he has one and she doesn't...Suffice it to say, we hurried off to see the flamingos

*cough gasp wheeze* Can't breathe.... laughing too hard.

[Jones]

BAHAHAHAHA Twiggy, I love your kids!!!

[lilfox]

I was cleaning up something in the upstairs guest room while my DD (almost 4 yrs old) played in the main play area.  When i was just out done, she came in and out of nowhere said, "I'm sorry I locked Pasha [our cat] in the trampoline.". I thought I misheard her so I had her repeat it, and then I had to go see for myself.  Yep, she had somehow lifted the 14 lb cat into the indoor, enclosed trampoline and zipped the netting closed.  The cat was just sitting there patient as anything, so mellow I had to reach in and pull her out when she didn't feel like getting out by herself.

When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   . World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)

[parrot_girl]

What a tolerant cat!

I was shopping with the 2 year old Baby Budgie the other day, him sitting in the seat of the trolley while I piled the groceries in behind him. We'd just about done and I was checking my list to make sure I'd gotten everything on it.
Me: "Hmmm... cheese, yes, bread, yes, yogurt, yes, milk, yes..."
Him: "NO! No sheez! No bed! No nogut! No muk!"
Me: "... how do you feel about strawberries?"
Him: "No bobbobewwies!"
Me: "Tomatoes?"
Him: "NO MAKAKOES!! NO!"

I got them anyway.
(It'll be a sad day when he can pronounce 'tomatoes' and 'strawberries' correctly.)

[Piratelvr1121]

My MIL came up to visit a week ago and we were reminiscing about my middle child and how he used to pronounce "Nemo" as Momo.

Us: It's Nemo, hon, say Nemo!
PB2: Momo!
Us: Ne...
PB2: Ne...
Us: mo...
PB2: mo..
Us: Nemo!
PB2: Momo!!

[Stormtreader]

My MIL came up to visit a week ago and we were reminiscing about my middle child and how he used to pronounce "Nemo" as Momo.

Us: It's Nemo, hon, say Nemo!
PB2: Momo!
Us: Ne...
PB2: Ne...
Us: mo...
PB2: mo..
Us: Nemo!
PB2: Momo!!

This reminds me of a story my mum tells of when I was little, for some reason I couldnt say two words that both started with the same letter, so Polly Parrot became Polly Carrot.

She was trying to get me to say it properly, doing the same "Say P", "Say Arrot" method until I eventually wailed
"But mum, I cant SAY Polly Parrot!"

[MommyPenguin]

When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   . World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)

My kids try to do this with the baby, too.  Like your cat, she is a very tolerant baby. 

[cwm]

I was cleaning up something in the upstairs guest room while my DD (almost 4 yrs old) played in the main play area.  When i was just out done, she came in and out of nowhere said, "I'm sorry I locked Pasha [our cat] in the trampoline.". I thought I misheard her so I had her repeat it, and then I had to go see for myself.  Yep, she had somehow lifted the 14 lb cat into the indoor, enclosed trampoline and zipped the netting closed.  The cat was just sitting there patient as anything, so mellow I had to reach in and pull her out when she didn't feel like getting out by herself.

When I told DH, he laughed and said that the other day he caught DD playing "wheelbarrow" with this cat - as in, holding the cat's back paws up off the ground while scooching her forward on her front paws down the hallway.   . World's most tolerant cat, I swear.  (DD is very clear now that both these activities are not to be repeated!)

The cat my friend had growing up had was the most laid back thing ever. He tolerated being dressed up like a baby doll and paraded around in a stroller. She actually used him to sweep the floor, he'd just lay there and she'd push him around to get all the dust picked up. When we were in middle school, just on a whim, she decided to see if he still fit into the baby clothes she'd had as a kid. He did. So two middle schoolers took a cat dressed up like a baby for a walk in the stroller around the neighborhood. He had a leash on under the dress, and it was safely secured to the side of the stroller with enough slack for him to land on the ground, but he didn't even move.

[Mental Magpie]

We were out to dinner two or three weeks ago and the six year old was sitting next to me.  I don't remember what we were talking about, but she asked me what a secret handshake was.  I told her it was a handshake done in secret, so she offered me her hand under the table and stared at her dad to make sure he couldn't see.  We shook hands.

Every now and then she'll whisper "Secret handshake!" and slowly shake my hand while she stares at her dad to see if he's watching.  The one time he turned to look she squealed, tore her hand away, and went tearing into her bedroom.  He and I laughed ourselves to tears.

[OSUJillyBean]

Read this one this morning:  http://notalwaysrelated.com/learning-colorful-language/28281

Learning Colorful Language
BUTCHER SHOP | VA, USA | CHILDREN, FRIENDS, SONS & DAUGHTERS
(I’m about two years old. My father works in a butcher’s shop with a young black man. He greets me the same way every time I see him, with a fist-bump, and then he says:)

Father’s Coworker: “Yo, lil’ [n-word], sup?”

My Mom: “Could you please not teach her that word?”

Father’s Coworker: “It’s cool, Mrs. J. She’s too young to understand what I’m saying anyway.”

(We come into the shop another day, and I see my father’s coworker working behind the counter. I begin bouncing in my seat to go see him. My mother ignores me, until I furiously point my fist in his direction and begin indignantly shouting:)

Me: “[N-word]! [N-word]! [N-word]! [N-word]!”

(The entire shop glares at my very red-faced mother!)

[twiggy]

2.5yo DD really, really, reeaaaaaallllllly wants a baby sister. She started by asking me, and then DH, and then she brought out the big guns and started praying for a baby sister. It's really cute, and kind of funny. She finally started to ease off on the Baby Sister talk, and I thought she was done with it, until today. It was naptime and she was saying her prayers, with help from me.

DD ""an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless us to have a good day"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "bless Courtney to have a good nap"
DD: "an please bess Mommy have baby"
me: "in the name of Jesus, Christ...."
DD: "an we need baby! 'men"

[kherbert05]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsS4uCRrN_Y

This video fits this category to a t!

]


Who was shooting the video? Mom wasn't and It looked like Dad had both hands on the wheel.