Kids say the funniest things

[Nikko-chan]

Lava snakes, huh? 

Probably the plot of a next Doctor Who episode

Greeeat. As if the Weeping Angels weren't enough... now I have to be afraid of lava snakes too!? No fair!

[twiggy]

DS (5yo): Hey Sister, do you know how you can tell that Mom loves us?
DD (2yo): Mommy love me, Mommy love you, Mommy love Baby, Mommy love *this went on for a while*
DS: Yeah, yeah, Mom loves lots of people. But do you know how I could tell that Mom loves me and you and Baby? Because she puts cheese in our scrambled eggs.
DD: I love cheese! Tank you Mommy for making me cheese. An tank you Jesus for the cheese. Amen

[cwm]

Last night was Sproglet's 2nd birthday party. Once she got used to the crowd, she was an absolute ham for everything. Sis's boyfriend was bouncing her all around on the floor and playing with her when my grandma was getting ready to go.

My mom: Sproglet, say goodbye to GramB. (That's what she calls my grandma.)
Sproglet: (Points to the door) Door!

We all just about died laughing. Sis argued that she was being the perfect hostess, literally showing her guests the door as they left.

[wonderfullyanonymous]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

[Piratelvr1121]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Oooh, I'm going to have to remember that one.

[saffron]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My daughter has been taking off her pj's and diaper for weeks now and peeing in her bed- at 3 a.m. I tried duct tape. It didn't work.

[Pen^2]

I was trying to convince some of my students (5-6 years old) that I have a pet dinosaur. It made sense in the context of the lesson, just go with it. Anyway, they all kept saying that I couldn't possibly have a dinosaur for a pet, to which I would respond in a bewildered way, "But why not?"

Eventually one little girl cried out, "Don't be silly, Teacher! Dinosaurs aren't alive! They only live at Universal Studios, and they're made of robots!"

[Elfmama]

My dog Tasha died when my older grandsons were about 4.  They knew that we buried her in the back yard.   2 years later I was talking to Grandson #2 about dinosaurs, and when he started to get a bit scared, I tried to reassure him that the dinosaurs were all dead and buried in the earth.  "But that means that Tasha is in danger, Grandma!  Go get her and bring her into the house, so the dinosaurs won't get her!"

[Elisabunny]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."

[wonderfullyanonymous]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My daughter has been taking off her pj's and diaper for weeks now and peeing in her bed- at 3 a.m. I tried duct tape. It didn't work.

There is a very small space where the zipper pull and zipper meet. The diaper pin fits in perfectly. Just make sure you use a diaper pin, because they lock, so to speak, and the little one can't get it off.

[kherbert05]

I was trying to convince some of my students (5-6 years old) that I have a pet dinosaur. It made sense in the context of the lesson, just go with it. Anyway, they all kept saying that I couldn't possibly have a dinosaur for a pet, to which I would respond in a bewildered way, "But why not?"

Eventually one little girl cried out, "Don't be silly, Teacher! Dinosaurs aren't alive! They only live at Universal Studios, and they're made of robots!"

Last week it was cold and wet each day - so no recess especially because most of our kids winter jackets are just cotton hoodies (subtropics so heavier coats are needed maybe 10 days out of the year - and our parents are struggling to put food on the table and a roof over their heads)

I had lunch duty so my partner teacher had the kids for indoor recess and showed them the nutcracker cartoon. The kids asked me what I was going to do for the weekend. I told them I was going to watch Loren be a soldier in her dance schools Nutcracker Tea. They informed me she can't be in the nutcracker she's real and the nutcracker is a cartoon. Reminds me to show them the video tomorrow.

[Piratelvr1121]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."

Agreed, along with a toddler stamping their feet.  I don't know why, but it just strikes me as funny when my little guy stomps his foot.

[cwm]

My granddaughter, for some reason likes to take off her pj's and then her diaper, when she is supposed to be sleeping. I fixed her buttons, I used a diaper pin and pinned the zipper on her pj's so she couldn't unzip them.

Saturday night, I listened to her getting angry, saying "Off off"

Grandmama won that round.

Yep, I've done that.  Listening to a frustrated toddler probably should be filed under "Things You Shouldn't Laugh At."

Agreed, along with a toddler stamping their feet.  I don't know why, but it just strikes me as funny when my little guy stomps his foot.

Or a toddler with the "This-is-the-absolute-worst-thing-in-the-world-how-could-you-do-this-to-me" face. Especially when it comes on slowly.

You know the one. The kid is sitting there happy, then something happens. The corners of the mouth start to twitch down. The nose scrunches, and the face turns into a look of abject brokenheartedness. Tiny hands come up to cover the face, and the whole tiny little body slumps to the floor as the wailing begins. The whole scene takes about five seconds.

All because you said that the apples were all gone.

[Layla Miller]

Mine hasn't gotten to the foot-stamping yet; she just melts into a puddle on the floor and just lies there.  Sometimes she does this while wailing at the injustice of the world in general and parents in particular, and other times she's completely quiet as she sinks to the ground, as if trying to convince us that she is now dead from no-fair-itis. 

[MommyPenguin]

My daughter asked a while ago if she could call her grandparents.  I told her that would be okay.  I heard her leaving a message, but I didn't hear the contents.  She came over about ten minutes after that and asked if there had been any phone calls for her.     Just now, my dad called back.  He said that he got a message from her, and she said, "Hi, this is Emily.  Will you please call me back at... <pause> 1:00.  Thank you."  He was amused, and so he looked up the time the message was left: 12:56.  So apparently he was supposed to get and return the message within 4 minutes.  I'm guessing that's why she came to see if we'd gotten any calls... he was late!  So when he called back, I handed the phone to Emily.  I could hear her telling him, "Grandpap, it has been 1 hour and 40 minutes!"  Heh.