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  • December 17, 2017, 12:20:07 PM

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Author Topic: Kids say the funniest things  (Read 526835 times)

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Writer of Wrongs

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1695 on: May 08, 2017, 03:57:33 PM »
I was giving my youngest nephew, 7, a piggy-back ride around the field at Mom's. Oldest nephew was climbing a tree, and YN and I were standing at the base of the tree, talking to him. I saw a bug on the tree, so I lifted one foot and smashed it.

YN: "What did you just do?"
Me: "I killed a bug."
YN: "How RUDE!"
 ;D

But this is the same kid who, by his own instigation, wrote thank-you notes/pictures to me and DH after we kept him for an afternoon last summer and pretends to be embarrassed that those notes are displayed on my refrigerator. (He checks to see if they're still there any time he's at my house.)
Some day, I hope to get paid to kill people. Now, I just do it for fun.

lilfox

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1696 on: May 25, 2017, 02:29:29 PM »
Writer of Wrongs, my son is going through a phase where any killing of any bug results in him sobbing heartbroken that now he can't watch it move anymore.  I have had to set free spiders found in the house.

Today I was getting frustrated waiting for my kids to get ready for school, asking at the last minute to go fetch toys for the 5-minute car ride, getting shoes on as slowly as possible, that sort of thing.  At one point I was griping aloud to myself and said how it's not helpful when they're doing things other than getting ready.  My DD snarked at me that it's not helpful to them when I call them names.  I said, what names do you think I've called you?  She said "Gee Whiz!"

Had to explain to her that "gee whiz" is just an expression, not name calling.


parrot_girl

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1697 on: June 13, 2017, 07:51:09 AM »
Today, my 5 year old DS was helping me make the bed, and we were smoothing out the beautiful quilt on the top, which I'd previously told him was very precious because it had been a wedding present made by hand.
DS: "Dis is very precious, isn't it Mother?"
Me: "Yes! Do you remember why?"
DS: "I do! It was made out of hands!"
 :o :D ;D

Interesting, although a bit creepy!

Writer of Wrongs

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1698 on: June 13, 2017, 01:19:43 PM »
Parrot_girl, that's hilarious.

I grew up on a farm. I was also a very literal-minded child. When I was very small, we'd gotten a new horse. Dad said something about needing to break the horse to ride (he did this for a living in his early 20s). I became very upset on several occasions when he mentioned breaking the horse (need to, going to start next week, starting today, etc.). Finally, my parents said, "You can't ride him until Dad breaks him."

Tiny me said, "But I can't ride him if he's broken!"

Lightbulbs finally came on, and they realized I thought Dad was going to break the horse like one might break a lamp, rendering it useless. They explained that in this case, "break" meant "train."

But then, I was the same child who thought when a neighbor suffered a broken leg in a car wreck, her leg had been broken off and was detached. For some reason, I had trouble with break/broken!  ::)
Some day, I hope to get paid to kill people. Now, I just do it for fun.

Tierrainney

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1699 on: June 13, 2017, 01:57:05 PM »
the break/broken story reminded my of my youngest child. when she was about 3 yo, She named one of her stuffed animals "breakable"  because all of Mommy's stuff was breakable, so she wanted something just like.

it was her favorite stuffed animal for a long time that she carried everywhere. It confused so many adults that a stuffed toy was breakable. 
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Mustard

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1700 on: June 13, 2017, 02:10:52 PM »
My daughter had a life-sized baby doll when she was 3.  She wanted to know if it was a rag doll; no, I said.  The arms and legs were plastic, but the body was made of cloth. (I didn't use the term fabric) The doll was known as Clothbody thereafter.

katiescarlett

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1701 on: June 15, 2017, 08:43:39 AM »
Clothbody and Breakable for dolls' names! I love it! Too cute. I was a very unoriginal child. I named all of my dolls Julie Renee, because that was my favorite name as a child and I wanted my sister named that. Actually, that almost happened because Mom wanted it. She just couldn't quite talk Dad into it. So, she became Jessica LaDea instead.

When I was 5 my parents got a video camera and used it at my kindergarten graduation (in 1985, if that gives you any idea how ginormous that monster was). I sort of understood TV, but watching the tape of my graduation confused me. I distinctly remember asking my mother if my heart was beating on that tape. I was fascinated and watched it over and over for days until I think Mom finally hid it from me because she was tired of explaining again and again how I was on there.

Addy

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1702 on: June 15, 2017, 12:40:41 PM »
My daughter was quite the imaginative namer of her stuffed animals. She had Racer the Donkey, Big Buffy the dog, and my personal favourite, a unicorn named Rainbow Horny Couch.

Ooh, edited to add one I just remembered...Tacky Little Birdy.

lilfox

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1703 on: June 15, 2017, 02:10:19 PM »
Both of my kids are the most literal stuffed-animal namers possible.  Everything is named what it is plus "-ee" so we have lots of Bear-ees and Frogg-ees and Cow-ees.  DD makes an effort once in a while and goes all out with double and triple names ("Princess Amber Golden Kitty") and then immediately changes her mind so the toy goes through a number of name combinations within the course of a day.

When I was a kid, I named several of my animals after spices so I had Ginger, Nutmeg, Cinnamon, and Sugarcane.  Sugarcane was later promoted to "Master" when she was chosen to be the head of the stuffed animal school.

Gyburc

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1704 on: June 19, 2017, 08:11:32 AM »
I had a funny exchange with Little G just the other day.

LG: 'Mummy, do you love me?'
Me: 'Yes, darling, of course I do.'

(pause)

LG:'Do you love my snot?'
Me: 'Um, not quite as much, love.'

(pause)

LG:'Do you love my earwax?'
Me: 'Not quite so much, no.'

(long pause)

LG:'Mummy, do brown people have brown earwax?'
Me: 'Ummmm....'
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Frog24

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1705 on: June 19, 2017, 03:30:41 PM »
We were listening to "Vance the Vegetarian Zombie" by the Arrogant Worms the other day, when my oldest one (almost 7) says: "Mom, what's a vegan?"

So I explain what veganism is.

"Mom, can I..." she begins and my heart starts racing.  I'm worried she'll ask to become a vegan, which simply won't work for our household at this time. "Can I have a vegan for a pet?"

"I'm sorry sweetie, but vegans are people and you aren't allowed to keep people as pets."

*phew!*  Crisis averted.


Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1706 on: June 21, 2017, 08:21:45 AM »
My niece has clearly inherited the family snark gene. ;D

Had a trip out to visit sister and family at the beginning of this month. Niece is ten, and as ten year olds do, proceeded to be hyper and silly the entire visit. Which resulted in:

Sister: *teasingly, to niece* What is wrong with you?
Me: She's your kid.
Niece: *matter-of-factly* And that is the problem.

I thought my sister was going to hurt herself laughing.
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Nikko-chan

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1707 on: June 28, 2017, 09:17:19 PM »
I teach three year olds. Which leads to cuteness, and fun things.

Bit of background: one of the three year olds I teach is a bit delayed and still wears pull ups, as well as being non verbal. I was changing him the other day and in order to do this i have to get on my knees, and have him stand in front of me. This makes it so we are looking eachother in the eyes.

Child: *pokes me gently in the nose* Nose.
Me: Yes baby. That's my nose.

D'aaaaaw. Guys my heart melted.

Another one from the other day: This kid has figured out that women and men are uh... different. Specifically that women have.. chests, shall we say. He is obessessed with this.

The other day the administrator comes into the room to see how many lunches we need, if we have to heat anything up, etc. Administrator is uhm... well endowed. For purposes of this story her name is Katherine.

Kid: Miss Katie Miss Katie!
Miss Katie: What, kid?"
Kid: I like your boobies.
Miss Katie: Thank you, kid. *immediately goes off to get stuff that needs heated up etc*

We pretty much killed ourselves trying not to laugh.

Mustard

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1708 on: June 29, 2017, 04:54:52 AM »
My husband was teaching a science workshop earlier this week, talking about power.  They got wind, solar, electric etc and when he asked if anyone could think of any more, one child came up with 'willpower'.  That girl will go far...

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Kids say the funniest things
« Reply #1709 on: June 29, 2017, 12:52:00 PM »
I teach three year olds. Which leads to cuteness, and fun things.

Bit of background: one of the three year olds I teach is a bit delayed and still wears pull ups, as well as being non verbal. I was changing him the other day and in order to do this i have to get on my knees, and have him stand in front of me. This makes it so we are looking eachother in the eyes.

]Child: *pokes me gently in the nose* Nose.
Me: Yes baby. That's my nose.

D'aaaaaw. Guys my heart melted. [/b

Another one from the other day: This kid has figured out that women and men are uh... different. Specifically that women have.. chests, shall we say. He is obessessed with this.

The other day the administrator comes into the room to see how many lunches we need, if we have to heat anything up, etc. Administrator is uhm... well endowed. For purposes of this story her name is Katherine.

Kid: Miss Katie Miss Katie!
Miss Katie: What, kid?"
Kid: I like your boobies.
Miss Katie: Thank you, kid. *immediately goes off to get stuff that needs heated up etc*

We pretty much killed ourselves trying not to laugh.


Stuff like that is full of feels. I worked at a day care for a little while out of high school. There was a little girl there, whose aunt was one of the teachers. This child was so shy, she wouldn't talk to any one, including her aunt. She came in one time on antibiotics, that she wouldn't take voluntarily. I was instructed to pinch her nose, so she would open her mouth to take the meds. I talked to her the whole time I was doing this, asking her to please open her mouth so I didn't have to pinch her nose closed. When she wouldn't open, and I did pinch it closed, I was apologizing for pinching it closed, and I then thanked her for opening her mouth and taking her meds like a big girl.

We get out side and this little girl who would not talk to anyone, would not stop talking to me, only me. The other teachers asked me what I did, and I told them about the meds. They were floored. We told her mom when she came to pick her up, and she was just as surprised.