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Author Topic: When someone changes mind about Christmas invitation  (Read 1589 times)

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Akarui Kibuno

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When someone changes mind about Christmas invitation
« on: December 10, 2010, 07:15:05 AM »
Background here :

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=87525.0

So, I wonder if I'm nuts and what the etiquette is in other places (I'm in France). The whole scenario is in that thread, but now I'm interested in knowing what E-Hellions would say or how they would deal with things.

To recap if you'd rather skip my "Hug" thread :

I'm in a serious relationship, living with the guy. My family usually celebrates Christmas on the 24th (dinner) and his family on the 25th (lunch) . When the holiday schedule came up in conversation, my mother told me Plushie is not welcome, but I am. To present a united front, I said I wouldn't be there.

A friend suggested I "force" my mother into inviting us because it's "my home" too. I said no very emphatically, because that would be retaliatory rudeness and completely unlike me.

The same friend has started to ask me what I will do if my mother, the host, tells me we're both welcome after all. I told him that I wouldn't go, because "what has been said cannot be unsaid" . He snarked that if it was him, he would force my mother into inviting us, and then he would not go. Again, I said no very emphatically and scolded my friend for even suggesting something like that. Backbone is one thing, being cruel is another.

What would US etiquette say ? What would other countries say ? (I'm in France)

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with this the right way, but I thought that if I took my whining out of the equation, it could make for an interesting etiquette discussion.
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Poirot

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Re: When someone changes mind about Christmas invitation
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2010, 08:51:23 AM »
You've done everything correctly. You declined her invitation, period. Anything else would be rude, indeed. This does not mean you have to decline all invitations in the future. Nor does it mean you can't invite your family to your home with Plushie. Your family is also free to accept or decline as desired.
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Akarui Kibuno

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Re: When someone changes mind about Christmas invitation
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2010, 10:37:14 AM »
You've done everything correctly. You declined her invitation, period. Anything else would be rude, indeed. This does not mean you have to decline all invitations in the future. Nor does it mean you can't invite your family to your home with Plushie. Your family is also free to accept or decline as desired.

I knew my friend was weird anyway. He chalked it up to conversation but I was firm with him: as much as I like fairness, being fair in my situation is not about being invited to Mom's no matter what.

And for some reason I can almost bet that she'll change her mind two days before and say we're welcome, but unless she apologizes I don't think Plushie would even go.
My FB rants blog (English) - My personal site (French)
A click on one of the ads every so often would help a lot if possible. Thank you <3 .