Rude reactions to gifts

[gramma dishes]

Is your FIL's name Mr. Grinch?

 I think very bad gifts would have hurt.

I agree.

And I think it's really neat that you and your step Grandpa had such a close relationship!  That's awesome and quite different from a lot of the stories we hear here.

[Mikayla]

My family was blended into dad and stepmom.  My sibs and I were taught to say thank you almost as soon as we could formulate it, but on the other side...it just wasn't a priority.  Anyway, one year one of my sisters found a great deal on a down comforter that we could get for my stepmom, and she was so excited.  When stepmom opened it up on Christmas morning, her exact words were "I'm underwhelmed". 

I can't even hear that word today without being reminded of that moment.  I felt worse for my sis than me. 

Then about an hour later, my stepsis opened the shadow box I had put together for her.  It was really cool, because she'd been living internationally since her junior year in hs and I had stuff from the other countries.  She clearly liked it and gushed over it....but no thank you.

[gramma dishes]

  She clearly liked it and gushed over it....but no thank you.

Liking it and gushing over it is the best Thank You in the world.  It was obvious that your efforts were truly genuinely appreciated and she loved it and loved you for doing it.  What more could anyone ask for?  ;-)

[mrs_deb]

I just had dinner with a girlfriend tonight - she filled me in on her early Christmas with her sister.

My friend had gotten her sister a Coach bag and a pair of earrings.  Sister opens the Coach bag - "meh, it's bigger than the one I wanted".  And then she opens the earrings - and handed them back to my friend, saying, "You might as well have these back - they're not my style."

<boggle>

Friend and sister are in their 40's, by the way.  My friend has a plethora of stories just like this  .

[wyliefool]

I just had dinner with a girlfriend tonight - she filled me in on her early Christmas with her sister.

My friend had gotten her sister a Coach bag and a pair of earrings.  Sister opens the Coach bag - "meh, it's bigger than the one I wanted".  And then she opens the earrings - and handed them back to my friend, saying, "You might as well have these back - they're not my style."

<boggle>

Friend and sister are in their 40's, by the way.  My friend has a plethora of stories just like this  .

So this year she was clever and bought stuff that she'd like, so that she could play 'present-giving' but then get the gifts back and enjoy them?    What I'd do. But then I'm evil.

[Boots]

I have two stories one involving my niece from my DH's sister and one involving my nephew from my sister.

1.  Niece - she is 17 years old and from a very conservative family.  I gave her two gifts that year.  One a beautiful mahogany jewelry box and the other was a whimsical pajama set suitable for a chesty young woman with two brothers,  it had sock monkeys on it.   She mumbled a thank you for the jewelry box and then went on a mini rant about the pajamas, and why, what was "I" thinking, and how ridiculous they were.  I did explain why I chose those particular pj's but the look on her face was not pretty to say the least. She also criticized the gift her grandmother gave her. Was very snotty to MIL about how it wasn't "her" color.   It was also an article of clothing if I remember right. 

2.  My nephew - also around 17.  My sister was pretty broke so I made an effort to buy him quite a few things for Christmas so he would have something to open.  I did buy him 3-4 shirts and a few other small things.  3 were "funny" shirts and the fourth was a football jersey style type. He went on a rant about why would I buy him that because if it didn't say something funny on it he wasn't going to wear it anyway and what a waste, blah blah blah.  I saw him wearing it about three weeks later and very over the top complimented him on his non funny shirt and how nice he looked in it.  He did look sheepish.

What bothered me the most was neither my sister or sil said anything to either of their kids for their lack of graciousness!

As for my niece she is twenty now and is still very vocal and ungracious to the point that her grandmother as well as myself have stopped giving her gifts.   My nephew has improved quite a bit.

[Delia DeLyons]

     I had a birthday party at McDonald's when I was turning 6 I think.

     Two of different guests gave me the same gift - a special Barbie you take in the tub and use this neat foam to make her skirt... draw designs on the tub wall, etc.

     When I opened the second one, I was THRILLED!  "MOM!!  Look I got ANOTHER one!!!  Now I have TWO!!!"

     To which my mom replied, "That's nice, maybe you can share one with your sister?"

     And of course, I lost my etiquette there and said "NO WAY JOSE!!! They're MINE!!!!!"   

[MrsJWine]

Pinky, your poor kids!  Was this intentional, or are they just so thoughtless that they buy whatever is easiest and cheapest?  Either way, it turns a gift into a weapon.  No gift at all would be better, IMO.

  She clearly liked it and gushed over it....but no thank you.

Liking it and gushing over it is the best Thank You in the world.  It was obvious that your efforts were truly genuinely appreciated and she loved it and loved you for doing it.  What more could anyone ask for?  ;-)

I got so excited over a couple of gifts from my MIL this year (a really beautiful scarf, and a jacket) that I almost forgot to say thank you.  I don't think that forgetting to say the exact words is a problem if you're clearly expressing gratitude anyway.

[Pinky830]

MrsJWine, I really don't know. They usually aren't quite that thoughtless. SMIL has been having major health problems and hasn't done any shopping lately, so this was entirely FIL's doing. He is a self-absorbed, socially awkward cheapskate so picking out gifts is not something he exactly shines at, but this was pretty bad even for him.

[kareng57]

Kudos to Greg's mom.  Little kids aren't masters of tact - they have to be taught, and occasionally corrected on-the-spot, as she did.  Kim's mom gets a lump of coal in her stocking...

And duplicates are almost inevitable at a child's birthday party.  Ideally parents should anticipate this and coach the child not to mention "I already have that" even if he/she says thank-you at the same time.


Edited for reversal of kid and mom's name.

[Cyradis]

     I had a birthday party at McDonald's when I was turning 6 I think.

     Two of different guests gave me the same gift - a special Barbie you take in the tub and use this neat foam to make her skirt... draw designs on the tub wall, etc.

     When I opened the second one, I was THRILLED!  "MOM!!  Look I got ANOTHER one!!!  Now I have TWO!!!"

     To which my mom replied, "That's nice, maybe you can share one with your sister?"

     And of course, I lost my etiquette there and said "NO WAY JOSE!!! They're MINE!!!!!"   

I used to love getting Barbie duplicates because they could be twins then. 

[kareng57]

I used to do that a bit when I was a kid, and my mom straightened me out but fast.

A few years ago, my cousin was about to teach at a mission school in far-western VA, so I gave her a copy of Christy (a book about a girl who goes to teach at a mission school in far-western NC). She opened it and exclaimed "It's a BOOK!" in the same tone you'd use to say "It's a WART!" I think she was 23? I don't think I ever called her on it, but to this day if the ex and I give each other literary gifts for Christmas or birthdays, we hold the package up and say, "It's a BOOK!"

How rude of her!  I read Christy when I was about her age and loved it - and I certainly wasn't about to teach in a mission school.  I'd have thought that it would have been very useful for her.  Even if it was 90 years after the book was written, I think the premise still holds true.  In time Christy learned to be a more compassionate and less judgemental young woman.  Getting OT but the TV series didn't happen until about 20 years after I'd read the book and I loved it - the casting was superb.

Getting back on topic - did you continue to give your niece gifts after this episode?  I don't think that I would have.

[exitzero]

When my sister first met her now husband's mother, she noticed that the mother had some photographs piled in a drawer.

My sister made her a really nice fabric covered photo album, thinking that it would be something useful.

The mother gave a cursory glance at it, never said thank you, and when my sister was leaving, handed it back to her and said, "Here why don't you give this to someone who can use it".

The relationship went down-hill from there.

[cheyne]

10 years ago we went to my parents house for Christmas.  DS was 11, DD was 4 and DN (nephew) was 9.

My DN literally had a pile 3 times the size of my two kids put together!  These were just gifts from my parents, as his gifts from my sister would be given the next day.

My children opened their gifts, thanking the giver (or Santa) after each one.  My DN opened his and threw each gift over his shoulder or pushed it away with a grunt and reached for the next one.  My sister, mother and father never said a word to him.  Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there.  DH and I said nothing either, as we were not allowed to "discipline" DN.

That was the last Christmas we spent with any extended family.  BTW both kids noticed the very uneven number of gifts though neither said anything until we were on our way home 2 days later. (DN's gifts were also far more expensive than those given to my kids.  Compare game consoles to board games and coloring books.)

[kherbert05]

10 years ago we went to my parents house for Christmas.  DS was 11, DD was 4 and DN (nephew) was 9.

My DN literally had a pile 3 times the size of my two kids put together!  These were just gifts from my parents, as his gifts from my sister would be given the next day.

My children opened their gifts, thanking the giver (or Santa) after each one.  My DN opened his and threw each gift over his shoulder or pushed it away with a grunt and reached for the next one.  My sister, mother and father never said a word to him.  Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there.  DH and I said nothing either, as we were not allowed to "discipline" DN.

That was the last Christmas we spent with any extended family.  BTW both kids noticed the very uneven number of gifts though neither said anything until we were on our way home 2 days later. (DN's gifts were also far more expensive than those given to my kids.  Compare game consoles to board games and coloring books.)

4 Christmasses ago Sis noticed a big difference between what her MIL got Loren and Loren's boy cousin. (Since ON would have been 13 and the kids were toddlers differences could be put down to ages).

Sis point blank told MIL and Betty either you treat all the kids equally as possible or you will not see my kids (ON was included in that). They have been better. I know the boy's Mom still sees ON, Loren, Brett as the Golden Children by default. (Golden Child is Betty but she doesn't have kids).

Honestly I think it is more the problem with her older boy. He has some type of issues going on behavior wise. He was in the Katrina evacuation*, his Mom has on going problems with depression, his father lacked basic parenting skills (I stopped him once when he flew in a temper because the boy was "ignoring him". I was afraid he was going to shake the toddler. Thing was it was very loud with a bunch of kids playing and music blaring. I didn't hear him call the boy and I was right next to the child). They took some parenting classes, and somethings improved. Still the boy can't handle frustration at all. I don't know if it is just bad training, if he is on the spectrum, or has some type of anxiety/depression issues.


*Some families are still struggling with emotional issues from the evacuation.