Rude reactions to gifts

[Elfmama]

10 years ago we went to my parents house for Christmas.  DS was 11, DD was 4 and DN (nephew) was 9.

My DN literally had a pile 3 times the size of my two kids put together!  These were just gifts from my parents, as his gifts from my sister would be given the next day.

My children opened their gifts, thanking the giver (or Santa) after each one.  My DN opened his and threw each gift over his shoulder or pushed it away with a grunt and reached for the next one.  My sister, mother and father never said a word to him.  Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there.  DH and I said nothing either, as we were not allowed to "discipline" DN.

That was the last Christmas we spent with any extended family.  BTW both kids noticed the very uneven number of gifts though neither said anything until we were on our way home 2 days later. (DN's gifts were also far more expensive than those given to my kids.  Compare game consoles to board games and coloring books.)

If it wasn't for the ages and genders of your kids, I'd think you were me!  Same deal -- MIL and FIL gave their 2 grandsons handheld electronic games (yes, plural games for each boy), at a time when they were about $40 each.  The 4 granddaughters got one $2 Barbie knockoff apiece.  With no clothes or anything else.  "We didn't know what to get you girls."

When DH pointed out to them that this was monstrously unfair, they said "Well, we couldn't afford to give expensive presents to ALL the kids."    Guess it never occurred to them to spread their spending a little bit more evenly.

I try my best to give my grandkids the same number of gifts that roughly total the same amount.

[Mikayla]

Pinky, your poor kids!  Was this intentional, or are they just so thoughtless that they buy whatever is easiest and cheapest?  Either way, it turns a gift into a weapon.  No gift at all would be better, IMO.

  She clearly liked it and gushed over it....but no thank you.

Liking it and gushing over it is the best Thank You in the world.  It was obvious that your efforts were truly genuinely appreciated and she loved it and loved you for doing it.  What more could anyone ask for?  ;-)

I got so excited over a couple of gifts from my MIL this year (a really beautiful scarf, and a jacket) that I almost forgot to say thank you.  I don't think that forgetting to say the exact words is a problem if you're clearly expressing gratitude anyway.

Yeah.  In fact, I've done that myself!  But when she opened it up and called it "underwhelming", I think that pretty much clarified what she thought.  What was funny was my Dad trying to decide if he should say something nice about the gift, or if he should be silently supportive of his wife.  But that's another show...

[LyraSilverose]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMWTs0YT928

I love this video, and it's perfect for this thread.  It's a song about "present face", and how it's hard to hide your true feelings about gifts sometimes.  Fair warning, they joke about Jesus, so if that sort of thing offends you, please don't watch.

[Yvaine]

10 years ago we went to my parents house for Christmas.  DS was 11, DD was 4 and DN (nephew) was 9.

My DN literally had a pile 3 times the size of my two kids put together!  These were just gifts from my parents, as his gifts from my sister would be given the next day.

My children opened their gifts, thanking the giver (or Santa) after each one.  My DN opened his and threw each gift over his shoulder or pushed it away with a grunt and reached for the next one.  My sister, mother and father never said a word to him.  Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there.  DH and I said nothing either, as we were not allowed to "discipline" DN.

That was the last Christmas we spent with any extended family.  BTW both kids noticed the very uneven number of gifts though neither said anything until we were on our way home 2 days later. (DN's gifts were also far more expensive than those given to my kids.  Compare game consoles to board games and coloring books.)

If it wasn't for the ages and genders of your kids, I'd think you were me!  Same deal -- MIL and FIL gave their 2 grandsons handheld electronic games (yes, plural games for each boy), at a time when they were about $40 each.  The 4 granddaughters got one $2 Barbie knockoff apiece.  With no clothes or anything else.  "We didn't know what to get you girls."

When DH pointed out to them that this was monstrously unfair, they said "Well, we couldn't afford to give expensive presents to ALL the kids."    Guess it never occurred to them to spread their spending a little bit more evenly.

I try my best to give my grandkids the same number of gifts that roughly total the same amount.

Yup, been there. A male relative of mine, previously divorced, remarried when I was in junior high. The two of them (from what I understand) would split their gift-buying funds evenly between them. Male Relative would buy for the boys and New Wife would buy for the girls.

There were two boys and eight girls.

It was hard, sometimes, trying to be enthusiastic about a pair of stretch gloves while the boys cavorted about with their new remote control cars! In retrospect, I have a lot more sympathy for New Wife; she hardly knew us at that point and had no idea what we might like. But she could have at least pushed for a more even distribution of funds! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMWTs0YT928

I love this video, and it's perfect for this thread.  It's a song about "present face", and how it's hard to hide your true feelings about gifts sometimes.  Fair warning, they joke about Jesus, so if that sort of thing offends you, please don't watch.

I love that video, Lyra. Thanks for sharing.

[suzieQ]

After several years I gave up getting gifts for DH. The last straw  was when I agonized over what to get, as he never liked anything and never said thank you for what I got him. I decided a gift card - but to which store? I picked one, and when he opened it, he said he wished it was to the other one. Last time I tried to get him anything. Now he gets a box of chocolate covered cherries and this year he is also getting fleece sleep pants. That's all folks.

[Amava]

After several years I gave up getting gifts for DH. The last straw  was when I agonized over what to get, as he never liked anything and never said thank you for what I got him. I decided a gift card - but to which store? I picked one, and when he opened it, he said he wished it was to the other one. Last time I tried to get him anything. Now he gets a box of chocolate covered cherries and this year he is also getting fleece sleep pants. That's all folks.

Sounds like great gifts! If he is STILL not happy with them, I'll gladly take them off his hands...
I really really want new fleece pajamas. I just never get round to shopping for some... and it's such a cold winter here. (Probably nothing compared to the cold in some other countries, though!)

[DangerMouth]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMWTs0YT928

I love this video, and it's perfect for this thread.  It's a song about "present face", and how it's hard to hide your true feelings about gifts sometimes.  Fair warning, they joke about Jesus, so if that sort of thing offends you, please don't watch.

Ahaha, that's great! I kinda love how everyone in that vid is doing their best to be so polite and gracious even tho they are disappointed.

My own story about a disappointing gift. I was young, maybe 7-8 and at the family Christmas, my aunt gave me a tray table with legs, like you'd use to serve an invalid in bed. If I knew the term then, it would have been a total WTheck?!? moment. I was expecting a toy, or a pretty hat and scarf set (the usual). But I rallied my forces, smiled and said "Oh thank you!" tendered the kiss on the cheek and we moved on.

Over the next few years that tray table came to symbolize my most precious moments with my mom. I was the second of 4 kids, and frankly, considered the last two completely unnecessary to my happiness. Not only that, they took my mom's time and attention away from me! Days when I was home sick from school were really the only time when I had my mom's full attention. Remembering her walking into my room with the weak tea and chicken soup on that tray are some of the best memories of my childhood. (and yeah, I faked sick just to experience them).

I admit to being a self-centered little beast, but I was still a polite one, cuz that's how I was raised. And when my aunt was dying last year, I got to tell her just how much I loved that tray table.

[LadyR]

     I had a birthday party at McDonald's when I was turning 6 I think.

     Two of different guests gave me the same gift - a special Barbie you take in the tub and use this neat foam to make her skirt... draw designs on the tub wall, etc.

     When I opened the second one, I was THRILLED!  "MOM!!  Look I got ANOTHER one!!!  Now I have TWO!!!"

     To which my mom replied, "That's nice, maybe you can share one with your sister?"

     And of course, I lost my etiquette there and said "NO WAY JOSE!!! They're MINE!!!!!"   

I used to love getting Barbie duplicates because they could be twins then. 

Particularly of that kind, because it meant you got two of the foam (which you eventually ran out of). I'm an only child, so I never had to share. Probably would have reacted similarly if it had been suggested though.

[Audrey Quest]

My son thought this video was funny in light of the fact that now that they are all adults, their wish lists are full of books and not toys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv4Hpz-GI3g

[weeblewobble]

What bothered me the most was neither my sister or sil said anything to either of their kids for their lack of graciousness!

As for my niece she is twenty now and is still very vocal and ungracious to the point that her grandmother as well as myself have stopped giving her gifts.   My nephew has improved quite a bit.

Same with my uncle. He always manages to find some fault with whatever I give him, or what I give other people.  Including interupting me announcing that I was pregnant at Christmas to point out a spelling error in a handmade family tree I'd made my grandmother to segway into the "We're adding another branch to the family tree" conversation.  He interupted to point out the error. I said, "Fine, I'll fix it.  By the way, I'm having a baby." And then I walked into the next room so my hormones would not lead to a ribbon-related strangulation.

I stressed myself out every year, waiting for the backhanded comments and the grumblings about how pointless my gift was. So this year, I didn't get him anything. I've found it a lot less stressful.

[JacklynHyde]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMWTs0YT928

I love this video, and it's perfect for this thread.  It's a song about "present face", and how it's hard to hide your true feelings about gifts sometimes.  Fair warning, they joke about Jesus, so if that sort of thing offends you, please don't watch.

I love Garfunkel and Oates and am guffawing that something of theirs wound up on this forum.

[dirtyhippiegirl]

I had the ten year-old son of one of my cousins for Christmas. I got him a kickball, candy, and cash. (His mom wasn't much help. I asked her what he likes and she was like "sports" and to get him clothes. The kid loves video games. Although I'm kind of wishing that I had gotten him clothes after the other night...)

Anyway. I got him a couple different kinds of candy. Apparently, the kid hates peanut butter. He opened up my Reese's PB cups and was like "Ew, I hate this." I tried to make light of it by responding --) "Well, use your Christmas spirit and give them to your sister if you don't like them." (She was all like "Can I have one if you don't like them?") OH NO, he wouldn't do that.

He LOVED the cash. He looked kind of disappointed with the physical gifts so I made a mention that he should open the card. He didn't even read the card. Just took the money out and carefully counted it in front of everyone. (A couple of fives.) Then stuck it in his money clip (I know! a ten year old with a money clip? cracked me up) and started counting the money in his clip in front of everyone. I believe he's saving up for a very expensive item (PS3) but...yeah.

I don't think I even got a thank you!

[gramma dishes]

  Including interupting me announcing that I was pregnant at Christmas to point out a spelling error in a handmade family tree I'd made my grandmother to segway into the "We're adding another branch to the family tree" conversation.  He interupted to point out the error. I said, "Fine, I'll fix it.  By the way, I'm having a baby." And then I walked into the next room so my hormones would not lead to a ribbon-related strangulation.

   Oooooo . . . . this would have infuriated me!!  Hell hath no fury like that of a pregnant woman interrupted (and criticized as well!) while announcing her pregnancy! 

I suspect that even if I had miraculously managed to NOT strangle him with holiday ribbon, the rest of the family would have!

[gramma dishes]

He opened up my Reese's PB cups and was like "Ew, I hate this." I tried to make light of it by responding --) "Well, use your Christmas spirit and give them to your sister if you don't like them." (She was all like "Can I have one if you don't like them?") OH NO, he wouldn't do that.

And this is your cue to pick up the Reese's PB cups and hand them to his sister.  "Oh Dear!  Silly me.  I must have mislabeled these! I do believe they were intended for you!" 

[weeblewobble]

 Oooooo . . . . this would have infuriated me!!  Hell hath no fury like that of a pregnant woman interrupted (and criticized as well!) while announcing her pregnancy!  

I suspect that even if I had miraculously managed to NOT strangle him with holiday ribbon, the rest of the family would have!

Yeah, it was bad.  Mom laid into him. Grandma laid into him.  Even my cousin told him, "That was pretty crappy, dad."

Uncle says it's just the way he is.  Well, I'm not giving him any more presents. That's just the way I am.