Author Topic: Rude reactions to gifts  (Read 31646 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Spoder

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3657
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #60 on: December 27, 2010, 01:21:59 AM »
We do a gift exchange for the kids on my dad's side of the family each year.  My DD (7) drew my cousin's little boy (also 7) this year.  We got him a set of those velvet coloring posters from the movie Cars along with a set of 3 of the cars from the movie.  You would think I'd wrapped up a big box of poo, the way he reacted.  He started crying and threw the box of posters on the floor.  My cousin was embarrassed and told me that they've been having a problem with him acting up like that.  She took him aside and talked to him but never actually made him come over and say thank you.

The other one from this year was from my white elephant exchange at work.  I didn't go the funny gift route this year, instead I bought a pretty candle holder and a votive to go with it.  The woman who picked that gift clearly wasn't impressed with it. She set it down on the floor and the proceeded to nudge it with her foot several times when others were deciding whether to steal a gift or go with one of the still wrapped ones.  There were some pretty bad gifts this year but no one else had the bad manners to treat their bad gift like that.

Wha--?  >:(!

Both of these stories make me really annoyed on your behalf. Good grief, the kid is seven, not two! That is well and truly old enough to show some manners in the face of disappointment. If I were your cousin, he'd be saying thank you alright.

Your colleague, as an adult, gets even less of a pass.

penelope2017

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3022
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #61 on: December 27, 2010, 07:32:04 AM »
We do a gift exchange for the kids on my dad's side of the family each year.  My DD (7) drew my cousin's little boy (also 7) this year.  We got him a set of those velvet coloring posters from the movie Cars along with a set of 3 of the cars from the movie.  You would think I'd wrapped up a big box of poo, the way he reacted.  He started crying and threw the box of posters on the floor.  My cousin was embarrassed and told me that they've been having a problem with him acting up like that.  She took him aside and talked to him but never actually made him come over and say thank you.

The other one from this year was from my white elephant exchange at work.  I didn't go the funny gift route this year, instead I bought a pretty candle holder and a votive to go with it.  The woman who picked that gift clearly wasn't impressed with it. She set it down on the floor and the proceeded to nudge it with her foot several times when others were deciding whether to steal a gift or go with one of the still wrapped ones.  There were some pretty bad gifts this year but no one else had the bad manners to treat their bad gift like that.

Wha--?  >:(!

Both of these stories make me really annoyed on your behalf. Good grief, the kid is seven, not two! That is well and truly old enough to show some manners in the face of disappointment. If I were your cousin, he'd be saying thank you alright.

Your colleague, as an adult, gets even less of a pass.

Just an FYI, maybe the parent was unable to convince him to say Thank You, and decided to drop it for the time being, leaving it at simply pointing out his rude behavior. I give her credit for being embarrassed and trying. Sometimes a family gathering isn't the best place for the knock-down drag out parenting.

My daughter is almost four, and I know when she digs in her heels, trying to force her to do something she won't do will result in a scene that will make everyone around us uncomfortable. I'd rather talk and explain what she did wrong and leave it at that.

Spoder

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3657
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #62 on: December 27, 2010, 07:40:16 AM »
We do a gift exchange for the kids on my dad's side of the family each year.  My DD (7) drew my cousin's little boy (also 7) this year.  We got him a set of those velvet coloring posters from the movie Cars along with a set of 3 of the cars from the movie.  You would think I'd wrapped up a big box of poo, the way he reacted.  He started crying and threw the box of posters on the floor.  My cousin was embarrassed and told me that they've been having a problem with him acting up like that.  She took him aside and talked to him but never actually made him come over and say thank you.

The other one from this year was from my white elephant exchange at work.  I didn't go the funny gift route this year, instead I bought a pretty candle holder and a votive to go with it.  The woman who picked that gift clearly wasn't impressed with it. She set it down on the floor and the proceeded to nudge it with her foot several times when others were deciding whether to steal a gift or go with one of the still wrapped ones.  There were some pretty bad gifts this year but no one else had the bad manners to treat their bad gift like that.

Wha--?  >:(!

Both of these stories make me really annoyed on your behalf. Good grief, the kid is seven, not two! That is well and truly old enough to show some manners in the face of disappointment. If I were your cousin, he'd be saying thank you alright.

Your colleague, as an adult, gets even less of a pass.

Just an FYI, maybe the parent was unable to convince him to say Thank You, and decided to drop it for the time being, leaving it at simply pointing out his rude behavior. I give her credit for being embarrassed and trying. Sometimes a family gathering isn't the best place for the knock-down drag out parenting.

My daughter is almost four, and I know when she digs in her heels, trying to force her to do something she won't do will result in a scene that will make everyone around us uncomfortable. I'd rather talk and explain what she did wrong and leave it at that.

That is a fair point; maybe the mother decided that it was better to let it go than to risk more of a scene. But I still think that this type of behaviour is a lot more understandable at the age of almost four, than it is at seven.

I also hope that the mother thanked the OP on the child's behalf, and/or made sure that he said thank you to her himself, later. The OP still deserved to be thanked by somebody. 

Miss Bee

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 649
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #63 on: December 27, 2010, 10:00:17 AM »
We do a gift exchange for the kids on my dad's side of the family each year.  My DD (7) drew my cousin's little boy (also 7) this year.  We got him a set of those velvet coloring posters from the movie Cars along with a set of 3 of the cars from the movie.  You would think I'd wrapped up a big box of poo, the way he reacted.  He started crying and threw the box of posters on the floor.  My cousin was embarrassed and told me that they've been having a problem with him acting up like that.  She took him aside and talked to him but never actually made him come over and say thank you.

The other one from this year was from my white elephant exchange at work.  I didn't go the funny gift route this year, instead I bought a pretty candle holder and a votive to go with it.  The woman who picked that gift clearly wasn't impressed with it. She set it down on the floor and the proceeded to nudge it with her foot several times when others were deciding whether to steal a gift or go with one of the still wrapped ones.  There were some pretty bad gifts this year but no one else had the bad manners to treat their bad gift like that.

Wha--?  >:(!

Both of these stories make me really annoyed on your behalf. Good grief, the kid is seven, not two! That is well and truly old enough to show some manners in the face of disappointment. If I were your cousin, he'd be saying thank you alright.

Your colleague, as an adult, gets even less of a pass.

Just an FYI, maybe the parent was unable to convince him to say Thank You, and decided to drop it for the time being, leaving it at simply pointing out his rude behavior. I give her credit for being embarrassed and trying. Sometimes a family gathering isn't the best place for the knock-down drag out parenting.

My daughter is almost four, and I know when she digs in her heels, trying to force her to do something she won't do will result in a scene that will make everyone around us uncomfortable. I'd rather talk and explain what she did wrong and leave it at that.

Yes, but she's 4, not 7!  I had to do a double-take on the OP to make sure I got the kid's age right.  I think 7 is way too old to be acting like that!  Anyway, who doesn't like those velvet coloring posters?  DD used to spend her allowance money on them! 

ShadesOfGrey

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12682
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #64 on: December 27, 2010, 11:10:51 AM »
Yes, he's 7, and too old to act like that.  But it sounds like the parents were *aware* that he was acting inappropriately, and doing something about it. They werent indulging him.  Are 7 year olds not allowed to have difficult behaviors at all? Not every child is perfectly behaved or shows age-appropriate behavior all the time. It sounds like the parents in this situation were on top it.  Maybe not in the way many of us would have, but they were addressing it. 

I have a nephew older than 7 that displays some behavioral issues. His guardian addresses it, but sometimes, addressing every.single.outburst to it's ultimate end is counter-productive.  Part of the prescribed is to simply let them face the consequences of their decisions  if that means taking the gift away, or not getting figts in the future.   
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

hyzenthlay

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8750
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #65 on: December 27, 2010, 11:17:16 AM »
Just an FYI, maybe the parent was unable to convince him to say Thank You, and decided to drop it for the time being, leaving it at simply pointing out his rude behavior. I give her credit for being embarrassed and trying. Sometimes a family gathering isn't the best place for the knock-down drag out parenting.

My daughter is almost four, and I know when she digs in her heels, trying to force her to do something she won't do will result in a scene that will make everyone around us uncomfortable. I'd rather talk and explain what she did wrong and leave it at that.

And if you do drag a thank you out, it's this horrible insincere muttered 'thanks' (with a hint of how could you be so dumb as to get me that junk, and then get me trouble to boot.)

I think an apology from the parent is acceptable since sometimes the thanks from the giftee can't be sincere at that point.


Bookgirl

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1500
  • Read The Hunger Games. Trust me.
    • Zo- Be Designs
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #66 on: December 27, 2010, 12:48:37 PM »
Just an FYI, maybe the parent was unable to convince him to say Thank You, and decided to drop it for the time being, leaving it at simply pointing out his rude behavior. I give her credit for being embarrassed and trying. Sometimes a family gathering isn't the best place for the knock-down drag out parenting.

My daughter is almost four, and I know when she digs in her heels, trying to force her to do something she won't do will result in a scene that will make everyone around us uncomfortable. I'd rather talk and explain what she did wrong and leave it at that.

And if you do drag a thank you out, it's this horrible insincere muttered 'thanks' (with a hint of how could you be so dumb as to get me that junk, and then get me trouble to boot.)

I think an apology from the parent is acceptable since sometimes the thanks from the giftee can't be sincere at that point.



That's true, I've gotten those kinds of thank yous before and it's not really worth it. 

I did use it as a teaching point for my own kids a couple of days later.  DD has always been good about not reacting that way but it never hurts to reinforce.  So we talked about what you do when you get a gift you don't like, how you smile and say thank you because you don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who gave you the gift.  My 3 year old DS was thanking everyone on Christmas Day so he took in the lesson too  ;D
RIP to my blog

I play with paper, scissors and glue and this is where I Facebook about it:
http://www.facebook.com/ZoBeDesigns

my cards and papergoods: www.ZoBeDesigns.etsy.com

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8684
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #67 on: December 27, 2010, 01:01:25 PM »
Hmmm...I'm afraid i may have a rude reaction later in the week, but no one will see it!  I have a relative in the military, and she was recently deployed.  she also got an e-reader for Christmas, and mentioned, IF we were going to exchange gifts, that a GC to the store she got her e-reader from would be nice. I had already planned to get her that, and i also "suggested" if she were stuck for ideas for me, that would be nice to give to me, as I want an e-reader too.  But I didn't expect it.

Her brother sent me a VERY generous GC to the same store, so my gift to the two of them was a GC to that store.  I hadn't received anything from her, but didn't think twice about it.  She then emailed me and asked if i had gotten the stuff she left me at her house (I stopped on my way to Christmas)  I said no, you didn't tell me you left me anything - she then said, i thought i did, where it is, and that she hadn't had time to wrap it! So while I know i can't dictate what people give me, I suspect I will be slightly disappointed, as she has this "stash" of gifts, and just pulls things out from there to give as gifts.  I know this because she gave me the SAME gift 2 years in a row, and i saw more in the room where she keeps her stash.

So I suspect I will be getting something I didn't really want or need, and she already had.  But I will be gracious in thanking her, but its just frustrating when I put thought into every gift I give, and she doesn't..but I'm an adult so I'll get over it.

blue2000

  • It is never too late to be what you might have been
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6804
  • Two kitties - No waiting. And no sleeping either.
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #68 on: December 27, 2010, 01:05:21 PM »
My niece had a moment (she is seven and a half). A very nice family friend gave her some gifts, including a movie. Niece said "Ugh" very quietly, handed it to her mom, and went to grab something else. I was glad the friend wasn't there - she would have been hurt.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Elfmama

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6134
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #69 on: December 28, 2010, 01:44:22 PM »
:o  Oooooo . . . . this would have infuriated me!!  Hell hath no fury like that of a pregnant woman interrupted (and criticized as well!) while announcing her pregnancy!  

I suspect that even if I had miraculously managed to NOT strangle him with holiday ribbon, the rest of the family would have!

Yeah, it was bad.  Mom laid into him. Grandma laid into him.  Even my cousin told him, "That was pretty crappy, dad."

Uncle says it's just the way he is.  Well, I'm not giving him any more presents. That's just the way I am.
Applause!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It's true. Money can't buy happiness.  You have to turn it
into books first.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Marisol

  • with a parasol.
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1915
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #70 on: December 29, 2010, 10:19:29 PM »
If facial expressions can be considered rude, my parents (and I?) might have been considered rude in this situation.

My parents and my aunt and uncle were good friends so we went there often.  We never celebrated birthdays or exchanged birthday gifts with them.  We just visited them and i played with my seven cousins.  On my 7th birthday, we happened to be at their house visiting and my aunt unexpectedly gave me a wrapped gift for my birthday.  I was surprised and excited to get a gift from my aunt.

When I opened it, I was very confused but I still said thank you.  She had given me six cans of a generic condensed split pea soup that someone had given to her (and she didn't like).  I didn't like that kind of soup either but I still said a confused thank you (I didn't know what else to say).  I'm positive that anyone could have seen the disappointment and confusion on my face.

I can still clearly remember the looks on my parents' faces.  My dad's brow was furrowed, his eyes were squinting and his lips were in a tight line.  He was furious.  My mother had the look of total embarrassment and hurt.  Even though neither said a word, their expressions were plain for anyone to see.  Soon after, they made an excuse and we left.

So if facial expressions can be considered rude, we were guilty.  But honestly, I think that we all handled the situation as best we could.

That is a bizarre situation.

Marisol

  • with a parasol.
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1915
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #71 on: December 29, 2010, 10:29:04 PM »
I was listening to a radio show on gratitude at Thanksgiving, and they played a comment from a 6-year-old girl in response to the question:

"Is it lying to say 'thank you' if you get a gift you don't like?"

She said something along the lines of:

"It's kind of a lie, but you should still say 'thank you' anyway, because you might really like the gift once you have a chance to get used to it."

I thought that was pretty deep for someone so young.  Though I don't really see a kid "getting used to" six cans of split-pea soup...

You never know!  I ended up liking tootsie rolls after getting them as a gift.  My sister got a cute stuffed bear instead.  I was so sad because I HATED tootsie rolls.  But then I started eating them and ended up liking them.  Granted they are chocolaty and not pea soup, but maybe she would love pea soup.  I know it took me a bit to like it, but I loved it after having it a few times.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8684
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #72 on: December 30, 2010, 08:25:50 AM »
Hmmm...I'm afraid i may have a rude reaction later in the week, but no one will see it!  I have a relative in the military, and she was recently deployed.  she also got an e-reader for Christmas, and mentioned, IF we were going to exchange gifts, that a GC to the store she got her e-reader from would be nice. I had already planned to get her that, and i also "suggested" if she were stuck for ideas for me, that would be nice to give to me, as I want an e-reader too.  But I didn't expect it.

Her brother sent me a VERY generous GC to the same store, so my gift to the two of them was a GC to that store.  I hadn't received anything from her, but didn't think twice about it.  She then emailed me and asked if i had gotten the stuff she left me at her house (I stopped on my way to Christmas)  I said no, you didn't tell me you left me anything - she then said, i thought i did, where it is, and that she hadn't had time to wrap it! So while I know i can't dictate what people give me, I suspect I will be slightly disappointed, as she has this "stash" of gifts, and just pulls things out from there to give as gifts.  I know this because she gave me the SAME gift 2 years in a row, and i saw more in the room where she keeps her stash.

So I suspect I will be getting something I didn't really want or need, and she already had.  But I will be gracious in thanking her, but its just frustrating when I put thought into every gift I give, and she doesn't..but I'm an adult so I'll get over it.

Update:  As I suspected, my relative went all out on my gifts!! Um, not so much.  So when I stopped by her house on my way home; there they were.  Not only were they not wrapped, which I can live with, I think she literally went through her closets and drawers, pulled out stuff SHE had never worn/used, and just piled it on the table for me.  ALL with price tags on.  No effort whatsoever to make them LOOK like a gift.  I got a really hideous necklace, and equally hideous belt, not even my size, a small purse from a designer (bought at the outlet, which is ok, but I have the same one, which I bought 4 years ago Ė so not even able to exchange it!), some inexpensive body wash, which I suspect she got and regifted, as I know its nothing she uses. 

I saved the best for last, and I;m guessing it was part of my gift as it was in the ďpileĒ a gift card to a store SHE used to work at, which she knows I donít care for.  Not in an envelope or anything, so no indication of the value.  Plus it looked liked it had been around for a while, as cards do when they sit in your wallet for a while?  So I called, and donít you know, it has NO value.  My guess is she found it, couldnít be bothered to check it out, and just chucked it on the pile.

I know itís the thought that counts, and  hate sound like Iím greedy and ungrateful, but when someone puts so little thought into something, I almost wish they hadnít bothered at all.  Esp when I put a LOT of thought into what I get people.  But no more. Sheíll get a generic gift from me from now on, and thatís it.  Evil siamesecat wants to hold onto a belt I bought for me, and give it to her next year :)

So I called my mom and whined.  She understood completely as she KNOWS how my relative is, and once I got it out of my system, I will send her a polite emial, thanking her for the "lovely" gifts.



Witty Username Goes Here

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1076
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #73 on: December 30, 2010, 11:12:29 AM »
This year, CJ (4) cried when he saw what Santa brought him.  Two days before Christmas, he announced he wanted Santa to bring him a Pillow Pet; and knowing my brother-in-law and his wife were getting him one we decided that Santa didn't need to bring one, too.  Santa wrote him a note telling him that sometimes he can't always bring him the toy he asks for, and that he needs his list in by December 7. :)

However, Christmas morning CJ started sobbing because Santa didn't bring him "a bunch more toys" (Santa only brought two things).   >:(  We stopped everything right then and there, and told him that he needed to be gracious and that there were more presents coming; but these were just from Santa.  His attitude shaped up then.  And he opened his stocking, and was happy; except for when he tried to give me the aluminum water bottle Santa brought him because it was similar to mine. :)  There was a reason Santa brought him an aluminum water bottle!! ;)

Cz. Burrito

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3546
Re: Rude reactions to gifts
« Reply #74 on: December 30, 2010, 11:48:11 AM »
My cousin's 6-year old step son had a bad reaction to a gift this Christmas.  My family does a name drawing and this year the monetary limit was $10.  Cousin's mom drew his stepson's name and gave what I though was a pretty cool gift-- a kit to make your own bouncy balls.  After getting upset because he only had one present (this gift exchange happened after Christmas morning, so maybe he was expecting it to be like that?), he unwrapped it and loudly announced that he hated it.  To their credit, my cousin and his wife were quick to take him aside and deal with the situation.