Rude reactions to gifts

[Witty Username Goes Here]

This year, CJ (4) cried when he saw what Santa brought him.  Two days before Christmas, he announced he wanted Santa to bring him a Pillow Pet; and knowing my brother-in-law and his wife were getting him one we decided that Santa didn't need to bring one, too.  Santa wrote him a note telling him that sometimes he can't always bring him the toy he asks for, and that he needs his list in by December 7.

However, Christmas morning CJ started sobbing because Santa didn't bring him "a bunch more toys" (Santa only brought two things).     We stopped everything right then and there, and told him that he needed to be gracious and that there were more presents coming; but these were just from Santa.  His attitude shaped up then.  And he opened his stocking, and was happy; except for when he tried to give me the aluminum water bottle Santa brought him because it was similar to mine.   There was a reason Santa brought him an aluminum water bottle!!

[Cz. Burrito]

My cousin's 6-year old step son had a bad reaction to a gift this Christmas.  My family does a name drawing and this year the monetary limit was $10.  Cousin's mom drew his stepson's name and gave what I though was a pretty cool gift-- a kit to make your own bouncy balls.  After getting upset because he only had one present (this gift exchange happened after Christmas morning, so maybe he was expecting it to be like that?), he unwrapped it and loudly announced that he hated it.  To their credit, my cousin and his wife were quick to take him aside and deal with the situation.   

[Visiting Crazy Town]

Update:  As I suspected, my relative went all out on my gifts!! Um, not so much.  So when I stopped by her house on my way home; there they were.  Not only were they not wrapped, which I can live with, I think she literally went through her closets and drawers, pulled out stuff SHE had never worn/used, and just piled it on the table for me.  ALL with price tags on.  No effort whatsoever to make them LOOK like a gift.  I got a really hideous necklace, and equally hideous belt, not even my size, a small purse from a designer (bought at the outlet, which is ok, but I have the same one, which I bought 4 years ago – so not even able to exchange it!), some inexpensive body wash, which I suspect she got and regifted, as I know its nothing she uses. 

I saved the best for last, and I;m guessing it was part of my gift as it was in the “pile” a gift card to a store SHE used to work at, which she knows I don’t care for.  Not in an envelope or anything, so no indication of the value.  Plus it looked liked it had been around for a while, as cards do when they sit in your wallet for a while?  So I called, and don’t you know, it has NO value.  My guess is she found it, couldn’t be bothered to check it out, and just chucked it on the pile.

 This would be how i would do her Christmas shopping next year infact she might see some of those items again

Shay

[siamesecat2965]

Update:  As I suspected, my relative went all out on my gifts!! Um, not so much.  So when I stopped by her house on my way home; there they were.  Not only were they not wrapped, which I can live with, I think she literally went through her closets and drawers, pulled out stuff SHE had never worn/used, and just piled it on the table for me.  ALL with price tags on.  No effort whatsoever to make them LOOK like a gift.  I got a really hideous necklace, and equally hideous belt, not even my size, a small purse from a designer (bought at the outlet, which is ok, but I have the same one, which I bought 4 years ago – so not even able to exchange it!), some inexpensive body wash, which I suspect she got and regifted, as I know its nothing she uses. 

I saved the best for last, and I;m guessing it was part of my gift as it was in the “pile” a gift card to a store SHE used to work at, which she knows I don’t care for.  Not in an envelope or anything, so no indication of the value.  Plus it looked liked it had been around for a while, as cards do when they sit in your wallet for a while?  So I called, and don’t you know, it has NO value.  My guess is she found it, couldn’t be bothered to check it out, and just chucked it on the pile.

 This would be how i would do her Christmas shopping next year in fact she might see some of those items again

Shay

Don't think I haven't thought about doing that!  and while she is very smart,  she can't be bothered to remember anything that isn't important to HER, so if I did regift back to her, she probably wouldn't remember!

[padua]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.


my own bad reaction: i was 12. the oldest sibling in my family, i had a 10year old brother, an 8year old brother, and a 6year old sister. i was already getting a head start on being an overly dramatic, emotional teen. mom handed me my christmas present (in my family, we open one gift at a time so we can see what the others get), and when i opened it.... inside was a training bra. i was MORTIFIED. i ran from the room and refused to spend another minute 'with those people' (meaning my parents, i assume). i don't know mom's intention behind this, but i'm sure it wasn't as evil-meaning as i thought back then.

[wolfie]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.

I can understand her point of view - especially if her husband was getting stuff for him, but she was getting stuff for the baby. Makes you feel as if all you are is "mom" and not a person in your own right,

[CreteGirl]

One time I got my SIL a bracelet for Christmas.  The bracelet broke soon after, and she gave it back to me to return.  When I gave her a different bracelet she opened the box, took one look at it, closed the box and put in a drawer without saying a word.

The funny thing is the original bracelet was quite cute, and I was able to easily fix it.  Now it is one of my favorite bracelets.

[padua]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.

I can understand her point of view - especially if her husband was getting stuff for him, but she was getting stuff for the baby. Makes you feel as if all you are is "mom" and not a person in your own right,

i guess i can see that. but i think she burned a lot of bridges with folk who didn't originally intend to give her gifts, but wanted to help out with the impending arrival. i could see her telling her immediate famly that, but she was very vocal with everyone, including those who had asked to throw her a shower (which she refused, as the baby would be getting the gifts, not her).

[Iris]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.

I can understand her point of view - especially if her husband was getting stuff for him, but she was getting stuff for the baby. Makes you feel as if all you are is "mom" and not a person in your own right,

i guess i can see that. but i think she burned a lot of bridges with folk who didn't originally intend to give her gifts, but wanted to help out with the impending arrival. i could see her telling her immediate famly that, but she was very vocal with everyone, including those who had asked to throw her a shower (which she refused, as the baby would be getting the gifts, not her).

I have to say I agreed with Wolfie's point, especially for Christmas, but the baby shower thing is just...weird

[wolfie]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.

I can understand her point of view - especially if her husband was getting stuff for him, but she was getting stuff for the baby. Makes you feel as if all you are is "mom" and not a person in your own right,

i guess i can see that. but i think she burned a lot of bridges with folk who didn't originally intend to give her gifts, but wanted to help out with the impending arrival. i could see her telling her immediate famly that, but she was very vocal with everyone, including those who had asked to throw her a shower (which she refused, as the baby would be getting the gifts, not her).

  Okay the baby shower thing is just weird. I understand the christmas and birthday disappointment in not getting gifts for yourself while everyone around you gets stuff just for them. But beyond that - that seems off.

[magicdomino]

I was amused with a nephew's reaction to a gift.  I'm allergic to department stores  and hadn't gone to any craft fairs or other countries this year.  So, almost all of the kids' presents came from a craft store.  Most of the gifts went over pretty good, but the 13 year old nephew looked his over, then asked in some amazement, "Am I supposed to assemble this?"  As a champion smart-alec in a family full of them, I just looked at nephew and said, "You know, I could have gone Christmas shopping at Staples and gotten a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster kit."  He laughed and said thank you.   

[CookieChica]

Most of the gifts went over pretty good, but the 13 year old nephew looked his over, then asked in some amazement, "Am I supposed to assemble this?"  As a champion smart-alec in a family full of them, I just looked at nephew and said, "You know, I could have gone Christmas shopping at Staples and gotten a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster kit."  He laughed and said thank you.

Good response for a teenager. Instead of "shaming" him, it was better to joke and make him realize his mistake on his own (provided that he's not too entitled to reconsider his actions which it sounds like he's not).

[Tierrainney]

Most of the gifts went over pretty good, but the 13 year old nephew looked his over, then asked in some amazement, "Am I supposed to assemble this?"  As a champion smart-alec in a family full of them, I just looked at nephew and said, "You know, I could have gone Christmas shopping at Staples and gotten a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster kit."  He laughed and said thank you.

Good response for a teenager. Instead of "shaming" him, it was better to joke and make him realize his mistake on his own (provided that he's not too entitled to reconsider his actions which it sounds like he's not).

But does Staples really have a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster Kit?  Because that is a gift I would like.  And I have to drive 40 miles to get to a Staples. 

[wolfie]

Most of the gifts went over pretty good, but the 13 year old nephew looked his over, then asked in some amazement, "Am I supposed to assemble this?"  As a champion smart-alec in a family full of them, I just looked at nephew and said, "You know, I could have gone Christmas shopping at Staples and gotten a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster kit."  He laughed and said thank you.

Good response for a teenager. Instead of "shaming" him, it was better to joke and make him realize his mistake on his own (provided that he's not too entitled to reconsider his actions which it sounds like he's not).

But does Staples really have a Make Your Own Stupid Sock Monster Kit?  Because that is a gift I would like.  And I have to drive 40 miles to get to a Staples. 

Then you should get it from amazon instead:

http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Sock-Creatures-Book-Kit/dp/1579909116

[Emmy]

my cousin (the first of our generation to give birth in our extended family) also set out a decree that no one was to give gifts to her then unborn child, although she was due in january. she said christmas was about her, not about someone who wasn't even born, yet. if i remember correctly, she was hurting a month later when she didn't have anything for the baby.

I can understand her point of view - especially if her husband was getting stuff for him, but she was getting stuff for the baby. Makes you feel as if all you are is "mom" and not a person in your own right,

I can understand this POV also, although I would not demand what gifts people couldn't give to me.  I wouldn't mind a few baby gifts, but if I received nearly all gifts for the baby instead of something I would enjoy for my birthday or Christmas, I would feel like a baby incubator and that I wasn't a person in my own right anymore.  It is unheard of to get a father gifts relating to just the baby for his birthday or Christmas, so I would be a little chaffed at just being 'mom' while DH was still treated as a person with his own interests.

Dealing with a child's rude reaction to a gift is difficult in a group situation.  It's not always possible to convince a child to be appreciative of a gift.  A forced 'thank you' is unpleasant for the giver and as long as the parents deal with the situation and apologize for their child's behavior and thank me for the gift, I would be OK with that.  If I was a parent in this situation and my child was rude and refused to thank and apologize to the giver, I would make sure the child was spoken to and punished away from the gathering.  Although I give parents credit for trying to get a child to say 'thank you', I would find it very awkward to receive an insincere 'thank you' or find myself and my gift at the center of an argument between parent and child if the child refused to say 'thank you'.