Author Topic: Christmas cards for the bereaved?  (Read 3170 times)

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qestia

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Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« on: December 15, 2010, 09:25:30 AM »
A friend unexpectedly lost her brother in a car accident a week ago. Very tragic and the whole family is pretty upset, understandably! So, I'm getting ready to send out our Christmas cards (they just say "Merry Christmas from [us]". Is it inconsiderate to send her one? It seems a bit... but then I was thinking it might be rude to leave her out. Help!

LaciGirl007

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2010, 09:39:44 AM »
I don't think it's rude to refrain from sending her your usual holiday card this year.  I'd presume she's already feel "out" of the usual holiday spirit, and that therefore it actually might be a little insensitive to send a typical, cheery "Merry Christmas!" card when she knows that you know that she just lost her brother.

You'll be sending her a condolence note, won't you? -- so she'll know that you're thinking of her.  Maybe you could add something about keeping her in your thoughts "especially at this time of year" or something like that, to acknowledge that it is the holiday season.

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.

Wonderflonium

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2010, 09:48:35 AM »
I would send the card but include a personalized note. I'm sure she's not in the Christmas spirit, but that doesn't mean she wants to be left out. Some "normal" things might help keep her grounded.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2010, 10:46:24 AM »
A friend of mine's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I very carefully picked out a card that wasn't overly joyous.  I think it said something like 'Wishing you peace'.

But when I visited, there were all sorts of 'normal' Christmas cards that had been sent to her.

She appreciated the normalcy of it all.

So I agree with Wonderflonium.
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Arrynne

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2010, 07:12:11 PM »
I would still send her a card, but definitely include a personal note.  You also might send her a different card than you send to everyone else, depending on what type of cards you send.  (I tend to go for silly cards, and that might not be appropriate)

Little Jo

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2010, 07:50:49 PM »
I lost a cousin a few years ago at Christmas I send my aunt A "Thinking of you at Christmas time" and write a personal note to them. If it has only just happened I know here you can get Christmas cards that are mixed with sympathy its a strange mix so make sure you read the card to see if it would suit.

Lisbeth

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2010, 09:17:01 PM »
Well, I'd still send her a card, but look for one with a quieter message.

I had this situation when I found out that my aunt was ill with terminal cancer during the Jewish High Holy Days, when we often send cards.  I looked through the cards I had and made sure not to send her or my cousins (her daughters) cards wishing a "healthy" new year.
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Jolie_kitten

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2010, 04:10:44 AM »
I don't think it's rude to refrain from sending her your usual holiday card this year.  I'd presume she's already feel "out" of the usual holiday spirit, and that therefore it actually might be a little insensitive to send a typical, cheery "Merry Christmas!" card when she knows that you know that she just lost her brother.

You'll be sending her a condolence note, won't you? -- so she'll know that you're thinking of her.  Maybe you could add something about keeping her in your thoughts "especially at this time of year" or something like that, to acknowledge that it is the holiday season.

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.

Can you find a card that says something like: "Thinking of you at this time of the year" or something along this lines? I-m thinking- still Christmas-themed but not overyl cheerful.People who are grieving need to be reminded that life goes on..
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icfrugal2

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2010, 04:40:27 PM »
12/16/10

I lost my father 12/14/ 25 years ago and my mother 11/30 eight years ago.

I know that it is different from your friends since they were both expected deaths, but I think that Christmas cards would be nice for your friend.

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JoyinVirginia

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2010, 05:41:22 PM »
I would send the card but include a personalized note. I'm sure she's not in the Christmas spirit, but that doesn't mean she wants to be left out. Some "normal" things might help keep her grounded.
I agree with this. My father died in early December years ago, and my mother loved the cards she got, especially the ones with a note.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 08:03:30 PM by JoyinVirginia »

Thipu1

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2010, 05:57:06 PM »
Years ago I needed a Holiday greeting card for a family that had recently lost a loved one.   I found what I considered a perfect one.  The card read, "Bringing a message of peace for the season."  Of course it was accompanied by a personal note.

These things are always difficult to negotiate.  You don't want to send the 'Happy, Merry' type of card but you don't want to cut these folks from your card lists either. 

LadyR

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2010, 07:31:59 PM »
My grandmother died in November (many, many years ago) and I know my mom was happy to receive Christmas cards because they were normal. It was something for her to focus on besides her grief (my mother also had a small child, so she had to force herself to feel the Christmas spirit).


oogyda

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Re: Christmas cards for the bereaved?
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2010, 02:07:19 PM »
My father died suddenly on December 15th two years ago. 

Send the holiday card. 

Newly bereaved is a very lonely place to be and almost any communication from outside the fog is appreciated and welcome.  Particularly if it is standard for you to send them one.  However, don't expect to receive one from them this year. 

And to add to the general saddness in this regard to the holiday season....my dear uncle passed away the day before Thanksgiving this year.   :'(
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