Author Topic: Etiquette on the etiquette board  (Read 6909 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 29353
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Re: Etiquette on the etiquette board
« Reply #60 on: December 16, 2010, 10:48:22 PM »
Well, I often wish that people use kinder language in this forum, so I know where you're coming from, but honestly, it's never going to happen.  Some people are just curt and brusque or pithy and rather sarcastic and come off as hostile and/or cold, and yet they're not rude or uncivil in what they're saying.  I can think of posters, of earlier versions of this forum and of the current version, who are like that.  It can make this forum perhaps a less pleasant place, but there's no guarantee, either within etiquette itself or the rules of this forum, of pleasant treatment.

It unfortunately will always be that way because etiquette regulates behavior, but it can't really regulate basic personalities.

Ehelldame herself, can actually be very curt and brusque, but it's not rude. Speaking of, she hasn't seemed to be around lately!

Agreed.  I've noticed that the moderators themselves don't post too much.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

CrayonOutlines

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2009
Re: Etiquette on the etiquette board
« Reply #61 on: December 17, 2010, 06:21:43 PM »
There are ways we can phrase things that seem, to the objective eye, unnecessarily curt, snarky, flip, or haughty. This has nothing to do with anyone's particular backgrounds or affiliations. Nor is it about catering responses to any particular person or type of person's peculiar sensitivities. It is about pausing to consider, for a moment, how our words are likely to come across to most readers, and modifying out language to communicate what we truly intend. Honestly, it is not enough to say to oneself "well, I didn't outright insult anyone, so I'm fine." We have a stronger obligation to attempt to communicate in a civil manner than that.

For example - I could have written my post as:

What is this that you're not undertanding about what I'm saying? Obviously we can't avoid offending everyone, but for crying out loud, asking for polite phrasing shouldn't be too much to ask on an Etiquette board.

But I would think that would be a less productive way to get my point across. (Not to mention, hilariously hypocritical on its face.)

ITA with Aeris.

Contrary to what others have said in this thread, I make an effort to be MORE polite on here than I am IRL and, yes, I think we should hold ourselves to a higher standard on this board.  I'm much more likely to mouth off to a stranger who I perceive as being a jerk in a face-to-face encounter than to people here because, although I may not know that poster IRL, I value this community and don't want to say anything to jeopardize my place in it.  If someone's being a jerk here, I either ignore her/him or use [what I intend to be] polite logic to understand her reasons for her position.  I notice unnecessary snark directed at others (so the argument that I don't like it because I don't like being told I'm wrong doesn't apply) and am amazed.  After snark was directed at me by a high-count poster, I wondered if it was just me or if she's snippy and brusque towards others.  It's not just me, yet she gets away with it frequently.  It's not my hill to die on, though, so I ignore it or read it and think, "It figures..."

Here, my viewpoint is "If you don't have anything nice (READ: constructive) to say, don't say anything at all.
In real life, my viewpoint is, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me."  ;) :P

DangerMouth

  • Work as if you were in the early days of a better nation.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7482
  • Everybody Gets Ice Cream!
Re: Etiquette on the etiquette board
« Reply #62 on: December 17, 2010, 07:30:45 PM »
There are ways we can phrase things that seem, to the objective eye, unnecessarily curt, snarky, flip, or haughty. This has nothing to do with anyone's particular backgrounds or affiliations. Nor is it about catering responses to any particular person or type of person's peculiar sensitivities. It is about pausing to consider, for a moment, how our words are likely to come across to most readers, and modifying out language to communicate what we truly intend. Honestly, it is not enough to say to oneself "well, I didn't outright insult anyone, so I'm fine." We have a stronger obligation to attempt to communicate in a civil manner than that.

For example - I could have written my post as:

What is this that you're not undertanding about what I'm saying? Obviously we can't avoid offending everyone, but for crying out loud, asking for polite phrasing shouldn't be too much to ask on an Etiquette board.

But I would think that would be a less productive way to get my point across. (Not to mention, hilariously hypocritical on its face.)

ITA with Aeris.

Contrary to what others have said in this thread, I make an effort to be MORE polite on here than I am IRL and, yes, I think we should hold ourselves to a higher standard on this board.  I'm much more likely to mouth off to a stranger who I perceive as being a jerk in a face-to-face encounter than to people here because, although I may not know that poster IRL, I value this community and don't want to say anything to jeopardize my place in it.  If someone's being a jerk here, I either ignore her/him or use [what I intend to be] polite logic to understand her reasons for her position.  I notice unnecessary snark directed at others (so the argument that I don't like it because I don't like being told I'm wrong doesn't apply) and am amazed.  After snark was directed at me by a high-count poster, I wondered if it was just me or if she's snippy and brusque towards others.  It's not just me, yet she gets away with it frequently.  It's not my hill to die on, though, so I ignore it or read it and think, "It figures..."

Here, my viewpoint is "If you don't have anything nice (READ: constructive) to say, don't say anything at all.
In real life, my viewpoint is, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me."  ;) :P

Oh, LOL.

Like I thought, the "snark" thread seems to attact a lot of posters... ;D

Nurvingiel

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12404
Re: Etiquette on the etiquette board
« Reply #63 on: December 23, 2010, 11:52:36 PM »
Well, I often wish that people use kinder language in this forum, so I know where you're coming from, but honestly, it's never going to happen.  Some people are just curt and brusque or pithy and rather sarcastic and come off as hostile and/or cold, and yet they're not rude or uncivil in what they're saying.  I can think of posters, of earlier versions of this forum and of the current version, who are like that.  It can make this forum perhaps a less pleasant place, but there's no guarantee, either within etiquette itself or the rules of this forum, of pleasant treatment.

It unfortunately will always be that way because etiquette regulates behavior, but it can't really regulate basic personalities.

Ehelldame herself, can actually be very curt and brusque, but it's not rude. Speaking of, she hasn't seemed to be around lately!

Agreed.  I've noticed that the moderators themselves don't post too much.
They're too busy monitoring us whackaloons! ;D
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Julia S

  • Guest
Re: Etiquette on the etiquette board
« Reply #64 on: December 24, 2010, 06:42:19 AM »
There are ways we can phrase things that seem, to the objective eye, unnecessarily curt, snarky, flip, or haughty. This has nothing to do with anyone's particular backgrounds or affiliations. Nor is it about catering responses to any particular person or type of person's peculiar sensitivities. It is about pausing to consider, for a moment, how our words are likely to come across to most readers, and modifying out language to communicate what we truly intend. Honestly, it is not enough to say to oneself "well, I didn't outright insult anyone, so I'm fine." We have a stronger obligation to attempt to communicate in a civil manner than that.

For example - I could have written my post as:

What is this that you're not undertanding about what I'm saying? Obviously we can't avoid offending everyone, but for crying out loud, asking for polite phrasing shouldn't be too much to ask on an Etiquette board.

But I would think that would be a less productive way to get my point across. (Not to mention, hilariously hypocritical on its face.)

ITA with Aeris.

Contrary to what others have said in this thread, I make an effort to be MORE polite on here than I am IRL and, yes, I think we should hold ourselves to a higher standard on this board.  I'm much more likely to mouth off to a stranger who I perceive as being a jerk in a face-to-face encounter than to people here because, although I may not know that poster IRL, I value this community and don't want to say anything to jeopardize my place in it.  If someone's being a jerk here, I either ignore her/him or use [what I intend to be] polite logic to understand her reasons for her position.  I notice unnecessary snark directed at others (so the argument that I don't like it because I don't like being told I'm wrong doesn't apply) and am amazed.  After snark was directed at me by a high-count poster, I wondered if it was just me or if she's snippy and brusque towards others.  It's not just me, yet she gets away with it frequently.  It's not my hill to die on, though, so I ignore it or read it and think, "It figures..."

Here, my viewpoint is "If you don't have anything nice (READ: constructive) to say, don't say anything at all.
In real life, my viewpoint is, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me."  ;) :P

I could've written this, so I'll sit next to you. :)

*grumbles to earn place*