News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 24, 2017, 02:54:45 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Cat sitting in a filthy mess (Update pg4.)  (Read 10766 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Rosey

  • Member
  • Posts: 5226
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #45 on: December 17, 2010, 09:33:34 PM »
I would ask if they would pay for a one-time cleaning service. They obviously knew it was filthy, and they know they didn't change that.

I would not feel comfortable leaving the cat like that, so I would try to find a good compromise, and I think a professional cleaning service (at their expense) is the way to go.

Would they go for this, OP?

It's really kind of you to worry about leaving the cat in the mess, but it's probably a fair assumption that the cat lives in filthy surroundings all the time.  That doesn't make it right, but if she arranges for a cleaning service and the friends just let it get filthy again, has the cat really been helped? 

I think it's a good idea if it makes you feel better about the situation, OP, although I don't think I'd bother to make the effort.

Oops! Sorry, poor phrasing on my part.

I meant I wouldn't be comfortable leaving the cat without someone paying attention to him, visiting with him, etc.  I would want the cat to have more than just fresh food and water everyday if that is what I agreed to do.

Lady Vavasour

  • Member
  • Posts: 1919
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #46 on: December 18, 2010, 01:17:37 AM »
It is very easy to advise the original poster to tell her friends she won't be staying there as the house is too dirty.  I wonder, as I often do find myself wondering about posts I read on here, just how many people here would actually be willing to carry out this advice were they actually in her situation. Telling the friends that the house is so filthy as to be uninhabitable will almost certainly humiliate them and probably destroy the friendship.

Some people get used to living in filthy conditions and don't realise what it is like to other people. I've known people with pets whose houses absolutely stunk, to the extent that I could barely breathe in them, but they had simply got used to the smell and probably didn't even realise there was a smell. I suspect these people have just got used to the filth and don't realise how bad it is. It doesn't make it OK, but that's how it is.

Sure, it was rude to leave the house in a filthy condition. Sure, the original poster is the wronged party here. In an ideal world the house owners would realise the truth of these things and not react defensively. However, we don't live in an ideal world. I presume the original poster wants to keep her friendship with these people. Therefore, I don't recommend telling them that their house is too dirty to stay in. That's the easy solution, but this is actually not an easy situation.

I quite like the suggestion that she tell them she is suffering from allergies. I wouldn't be too comfortable with lying, but I would do it to protect my friends' feelings and preserve the friendship.

I am sure there are lots of clever people on here who can think of other tactful solutions that don't actually involve telling the homeowners that their house is uninhabitable from the filth.

DangerMouth

  • Work as if you were in the early days of a better nation.
  • Member
  • Posts: 6602
  • Everybody Gets Ice Cream!
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #47 on: December 18, 2010, 11:19:23 AM »
I think, if I was at the point of crying over the filthiness of the place, I could certainly imagine myself telling my 'friend' that.

It would certainly make some difference as to whether this was a paid gig, or just a favor, but as there is a possible issue of legal liability, there is no way I would make up an excuse about a nonexistant 'allergy'.

Luci

  • Member
  • Posts: 7646
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #48 on: December 18, 2010, 12:38:41 PM »
I'm waiting for EsqualEtMoi to jump back in. I wish there were pictures, but I guess that would be way beyond tacky, even it this is supposed to be anonymous.

Good luck, OP. If you had enough wisdom to come here for help, I think you'll be fine with selecting from the advice above.

Luci

Celany

  • Member
  • Posts: 1661
  • the soul of a cat, in the body of a person...
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #49 on: December 18, 2010, 04:50:57 PM »
I'm a pet-sitter (both professional and personal/for friends). Depending on what people want, I will stay at their place, go X times a day to feed/walk/play with, or sometime the pets come stay with me.

I would also not clean the house. Although I would clean/change the litter, because it is not kitty's fault that the litter is such a mess. I would potentially tell them that it's an allergy problem, simply because it would be harsh to say "your house is too gross for me to stay in", and that would possibly end the friendship (and to me, this isn't a friendship-ending situation, but it is not acceptable).

I would contact the owners and say something like:

Dear Bob and Sally,

I'm sorry to bother you on your trip, but when I went to your place, it wasn't cleaned as you mentioned it would be. Unfortunately, due to allergies, I can't stay there. Also, Kitty-Love's litter was no longer useable. I've left the receipt for the litter I purchased for her on the kitchen table.

I can do any of the following options:

1) Take Kitty-Love to my place
2) Come and feed Kitty-Love the agreed # of times a day
3) Call a cleaning service to come. I'll leave you their bill to add to my expenses.

Until I hear from you, I'm going to come X times a day to feed Kitty-Love.

Please let me know what you want me to do ASAP.

Thank you!

-Me

Also, one last note - if it's that gross, should they have a kitty? The litter situation sounds like a kitty-UTI-waiting-to-happen.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

Nurvingiel

  • Member
  • Posts: 12323
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #50 on: December 18, 2010, 05:25:23 PM »
I am sure there are lots of clever people on here who can think of other tactful solutions that don't actually involve telling the homeowners that their house is uninhabitable from the filth.
Tell them due to unforseen circumstances you have to stay at your own house? This gives them an "out" on the house filthiness, which I'm sure they're aware of on some level.

I like Celany's solution though. I think it's the best.
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Raintree

  • Member
  • Posts: 6825
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #51 on: December 19, 2010, 03:07:31 AM »
That poor cat!! Is it uninhabitable for the cat too? Maybe the SPCA should be called.

Hanna

  • Member
  • Posts: 7270
    • RumorsAboutMe
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #52 on: December 19, 2010, 06:18:51 PM »
I would absolutely not stay there, and I definitely not take the cat home without permission either.  (Many Cats would FREAK at being taken out of their home.)

I would clean the Kitty's food area and litterbox.  Replace the box with a new inexpensive one  (Buy a $3-$4 plastic storage tubs from Target or KMart and fill with 3-4" of fresh clumping litter and throw the old one in a contractor garbage bag.  Buy a new scoop, too.)

I would visit once a day for 15 minutes or so to feed the Kitty and scoop the box and hang out with kitty (if he/she is social).  Someone up thread suggested taking an old blanket or towel and finding a chair to sit in.

If this is just a favor rather than a paying job, I would not bother to email them that you are not staying there unless there were reasons beyond Kitty that they wanted you to stay the night.  When they return I would tell them "Unfortunately it was not possible for me to stay in your home."  and that's about all I would say.  I definitely would decline the opportunity to help them out if asked a second time.

If they are paying for your help, I would email them the same line "Unfortunately I am unable to stay in your home.  I am visiting daily and ensuring Kitty has food, fresh water and a clean litter box."  Trust me, they will know exactly why you aren't staying there.

furrcats

  • Member
  • Posts: 848
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #53 on: December 19, 2010, 11:31:58 PM »
I feel for the cat  :P

Alex the Seal

  • Member
  • Posts: 716
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #54 on: December 20, 2010, 03:17:04 AM »
I feel for the cat  :P

Yes... I keep reading this thread as meaning "the cat is sitting in a filthy mess".

And the poor thing probably is.

I like Hanna's solution for how to deal with it.

bopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 14030
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #55 on: December 20, 2010, 03:28:30 AM »
I feel for the cat  :P

Yes... I keep reading this thread as meaning "the cat is sitting in a filthy mess".

And the poor thing probably is.
I didn't even read it the other way!  Cat-sitting vs. Cat is sitting.


EsqualEtMoi

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #56 on: December 20, 2010, 11:48:45 PM »
OP here...

Sorry for taking so long to get back to this thread - I've been spending the time out of the house so I haven't had internet access much lately.

The house was cleaned (within limits) on Saturday by my sister and I. I know, I shouldn't have done anything but I had already mentioned the situation to my parents and sister (who I live with when not housesitting) and that was their recommendation. It wasn't viable to take the cat home with me, because the last time the cat was left outside of the home he refused to eat and got sick.

I wish I was more comfortable with letting them know how I've found staying at their house but I'm not. Anne is actually a close of sorts friend to me and I don't wish for this to become a problem between us. Oh, and no I'm not getting paid for this, this was meant to be a favour of getting a break from my family. In the end I'm quite a bit angry and stressed at the situation - they've had this holiday planned for a long time and I agreed to house sit in September which would have given them plenty of notice to clean

At this point I plan to stay at the house until I am on holidays from work, then I'll go home for a few days every week but return each night to feed the cat and water the plants. I don't plan to mention it to them and if the neighbours happen to tell them... I'm prepared with some of the examples you've suggested. And no, I don't plan to ever offer to do this again.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Member
  • Posts: 7021
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess
« Reply #57 on: December 20, 2010, 11:58:59 PM »
OP here...

Sorry for taking so long to get back to this thread - I've been spending the time out of the house so I haven't had internet access much lately.

The house was cleaned (within limits) on Saturday by my sister and I. I know, I shouldn't have done anything but I had already mentioned the situation to my parents and sister (who I live with when not housesitting) and that was their recommendation. It wasn't viable to take the cat home with me, because the last time the cat was left outside of the home he refused to eat and got sick.

I wish I was more comfortable with letting them know how I've found staying at their house but I'm not. Anne is actually a close of sorts friend to me and I don't wish for this to become a problem between us. Oh, and no I'm not getting paid for this, this was meant to be a favour of getting a break from my family. In the end I'm quite a bit angry and stressed at the situation - they've had this holiday planned for a long time and I agreed to house sit in September which would have given them plenty of notice to clean

At this point I plan to stay at the house until I am on holidays from work, then I'll go home for a few days every week but return each night to feed the cat and water the plants. I don't plan to mention it to them and if the neighbours happen to tell them... I'm prepared with some of the examples you've suggested. And no, I don't plan to ever offer to do this again.

I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this situation. I'd like to think the best of your friend, maybe her home is usually much worse and she thinks she *did* clean up for you? Either that, or, I'm afraid your kindness has been taken advantage of. You're a good friend, especially to the kitty. I hope you get lots of loving head-butts as thanks!

Delia DeLyons

  • Member
  • Posts: 915
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess (Update pg4.)
« Reply #58 on: December 21, 2010, 07:18:59 AM »
     I am also thinking tht the home/cat-owners felt they *did* clean up satisfactorily... But if they are close friends, what can you do... I might suggest checking out the "Miracle Products" thread under "Time for a Coffee Break"... a couple simple solutions for cleaning that you can use to make your situation more bearable, and perhaps write down and accidentally leave behind for friend to find when they return from holiday, so they know how it's done in the future...

     You're a great friend! 
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

Nurvingiel

  • Member
  • Posts: 12323
Re: Cat sitting in a filthy mess (Update pg4.)
« Reply #59 on: December 23, 2010, 08:56:14 PM »
You're a pretty excellent friend for doing some remedial cleaning, and your sister is a pretty excellent sister for helping you.  8) :)
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.