Author Topic: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time  (Read 5839 times)

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goblue2539

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2010, 05:54:19 PM »
Now, our conversations aren't about food....they're about treats.

Sierra: Please, please, please give me some!! Daddy hates me and totally ignored me this morning

Me: I'm coming, please stop yelling at me

Sierra: But, MOOOOOOOOOOOM!! I'm starving!!

Me: Ok, here's your treats

Sierra: As it should be, and about time too!

(10 minutes later)

Sierra: I heard the door!  That means it's time for more treats!

Me: No, you just had some.  You have to wait.

Sierra: But MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!  I'm starving!

Me: I just gave them to you, now stop.

DH: Oh, you gave her some too??  ::)


Our cat is a total scam artist.  Our only defense is to continually scoop and cuddle her when we know she's begging too much. ;)

Micah

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2010, 05:55:56 PM »
Cast: Me, Tilly (One year old horse), Tara (Tilly's mother)

I go down to check their water.

Tilly: (Screeches) FEEEED us!
Me: You're in knee high grass, you're not getting fed.
Tilly: HUNGRY! (Bangs on the gate with her hoof)
Me: Stop that!
Tilly: (Starts climbing the gate by putting her feet in the squares of mesh)
ME: Get off! You'll get stuck!
Tilly: Will if you feed me.
Tara: (Bites Tilly on the bum) Down!
Tilly: (Gets down and sulks)
I turn on the hose to fill their water.
Tilly: (grabs the hose and yanks it out of my hand) You can have it back when you feed me.
I turn the hose on to full pressure. Water shoots out the end and hits the side of the metal shed. The noise scares the living daylights out of Tilly. She drops the hose and shoots off up the hill like a rocket.
Tara: Kids, huh.
She comes up and sticks her nose under my arm for a cuddle.
Tara: Sooooo, you gunna feed me?
Mulder: "So...Lunch?"
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "Maybe their parachutes didn't open."

Lynnv

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #17 on: December 17, 2010, 09:38:12 PM »
Cast of characters:

DH (human food provider)
Lynnv (human food provider)
Bob (Cattus Maximums Starvius)
Harry (Cattus Maximus Starvius)

DH leaves for work bright and early.  Harry and Bob stay in bed late, moving around just enough to annoy Lynnv into waking up a little.

Lynnv arises.

Harry:  Why are you getting me up from bed?  It is still the middle of my midmorning nap.  I would like to sleep in.  (Kicks Lynnv in the head).
Bob:  It is time to get up.  The day has begun.  And there are SQUIRRELS up and around.
Lynnv:  Hunh.  Grumble.  Grouch.
Harry:  Squirrels?  Hmmmm-maybe we should rise up.
Lynnv stumbles downstairs to get a bagel for breakfast.  The boys twine around and generally attempt to trip Lynnv on the way down.
Boy-cats:  OUTSIDE.  NOW.  SQUIRRELS.  OUT, OUT, OUT. 
Lynnv:  Boys, it is 30F out.  You don't like the cold.  And the squirrels don't come on the porch anyway.  Just calm down.
Harry:  Oh my god!  You are going in the kitchen.  It must be time to eat.  The bowls are empty and we are about to starve.
Bob: Starving.
Harry:  See that.  The bowl is not filled right up the brim.  Which means it is empty.  Which means we are going to starve.  Starvation is nigh.
Bob:  Starving.
Harry:  Feed us.  Now, human underling.  And then let us out.  We will hunt the mighty wildebeest as it crosses the suburban backyard.  We must have sustenance in order to build up our strength for the hunt.
Bob: Starving.
Lynnv:  You have to be kidding me.  Just let me toast my bagel here and then I will fill the bowls.
Harry:  Sustenance is necessary.  Lest the mighty hunters fail in their attempt to hunt the mighty crocodile.
Bob: Starving.

And this continues until Lynnv fills the bowls up to the very brim.  At which point the complaints move back to Lynnv letting the boys out onto the screen porch, where no mighty prey awaits (despite the boy-cats' feverish imaginations).  Soon thereafter the mid-morning nap continues and it is a little quieter until the kitties awake and it all begins again.
Lynn

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."  Robert A. Heinlein

Elfmama

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #18 on: December 18, 2010, 08:10:37 PM »
as I read this the "little starving kitty" is Merting at me to go fill a dish......

cause all the crunchy food is not good enough for her if I am home (I've seen her eat it when she doesn't think I am looking)
Or she could eat it in your hearing.

Kirk: Poor (CRUNCH) starving(CRUNCH) woeful (CRUNCH) little (CRUNCH) cats. (CRUNCH) Forced (CRUNCH) by the (CRUNCH) cruel (CRUNCH) humans (CRUNCH) to subsist (CRUNCH) on nothing (CRUNCH) but (CRUNCH) kibble.

It did not help that at one point DD#2 and I were taking turns to feed the cats before bed.  DD was working evenings, so she was often home after I was already asleep.

Cats: STARVING!!

DD: Didn't Mom feed you?

Cats: NOOOOO!!!!  STARVING!

Kirk: See?  Weak from hunger!  (He flops over onto his side.)

Mister Mistoffelees: (Pathetic staring.)  I couldn't even find a potato.

DD feeds cats.

They got away with two evening feedings just often enough that they tried it every night.

We finally worked out a signal.  If it was DD's turn to feed the cats, I left the light on over the kitchen stove.  If I had fed them, it was turned off.

Of course, it wouldn't surprise me to find that they were jumping up and turning it on after I went to bed.
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blue2000

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #19 on: December 19, 2010, 09:46:02 AM »
I feed mine when I get home from work in the morning.

The scene on my days off, at 5:30 in the morning:

Mikey - Food time! Yay! Food time, Mom!

Me - ....

Mikey - Mom? Mom? Mom?  Up, Mom? Food time, Mom? Mom?

Me - ... Shut... UP. It is TWO HOURS too early for food. <muttermutter>

Pris - Hey! Moommm!! You are awake!! Food time!! Mom? Mom? Mooooooooommmmmm!!!!??!!

Me - NO. You get NOTHING. *turns over and pulls the covers up*

Pris - *climbs over me with very pointy paws* Moooooommmmmm!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeezzzz!!! Hungreeeeeee!!!!

Me - OUCH!!! Get OFF me! Go on! NO FOOD.

Mikey - Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Pleez mom? Little bit? Pleez? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?

Me - *looking over the edge of the bed* If I give you breakfast, will you shut UP already??

Mikey - *trying his best 'cute and starving look'* Mom? Food pleez, Mom? We be reaaaallllly good!

Me - *rolling my eyes, because he can do cute, but he can't do starving  - he is twenty pounds!* OK, whatever. Brekkie.

*Five minutes later, back in bed*

Mikey - Mom? Pets, Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?

Pris - Moooooommmm! Naps! Cuddles! NEEEEED, Mom!!!

ME - AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

geordicat

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #20 on: December 19, 2010, 10:06:40 AM »
Geordi and Velcro have the dry food bowl there and it's always full.  It's one of those that you fill and it lasts for a week or more.  They share a can of stinky wet in the afternoon when I get home, usually around 1:00.   Also, both cats understand the word "Time" because when it's time for stinky wet, we say "Geordi, is it TIME?"  and he runs to the kitchen and waits, meowing and making a LOT of noise.

Scene:  geordicat, sitting on the couch enjoying a cup of tea and a food item.  Makes no difference what it is. 

Geordi:  OOO!  Food!  Food!  Food? Share?  Share?  Please?  Look how cute I am!  *reaches paw out to try go grab my food*

Me:   No, this is MINE.  No, cats don't like apples.  You want to smell?  Cats don't eat app... oh.  Guess I'm wrong.

Geordi:  Hey, this is good.  More?  More?  I'm so hungry!  Why do you get to eat, and we don't?

Velcro:  *opens one eye, sighs, and goes back to catnap*

Geordi:  Food?  Can we eat?  What are you drinking?  Share?  Share?  Share?

Me:  Geez, you pain in the butt cat!  It's TEA!  Cats don't drink tea!  You want to smell?  See?  Dumb cat.  I can't believe you are drinking tea, you freaky furbutt.  Go bug geordicat jr.  He's eating broccoli.  See if you like that - WHAT CAT EATS BROCCOLI????????  What is WRONG with you?

Geordi:  Food?  Food?  HUNGRY!!  It's TIME!  It's TIME!!

Me:  It is NOT!!  It's only 9 am!!  You need to stay out of the catnip!

Geordi:  Catnip?  CRACK!!  KITTY CRACK!! KITTY CRACK!!


I go make sure the feeder bowl is full, and they have fresh water.  Geordi of course thinks that if I'm in the kitchen, he's going to be fed.  If my son is in the kitchen, he WILL get fed.  My son drops stuff on the floor and Geordi inhales it. Dumb cat eats anything.  He really likes potato chips.
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

NestHolder

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #21 on: December 19, 2010, 10:53:56 AM »
Allow me to direct you all to the BEST EVER conversation with a pet.

The story of the dog and the sweet potato.   http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html


Lady Snowdon

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2010, 02:00:59 PM »
I go make sure the feeder bowl is full, and they have fresh water.  Geordi of course thinks that if I'm in the kitchen, he's going to be fed.  If my son is in the kitchen, he WILL get fed.  My son drops stuff on the floor and Geordi inhales it. Dumb cat eats anything.  He really likes potato chips.

So far, we've discovered the dog likes sour cream, pop-tarts, apples, oranges, broccoli, potato chips, macaroni and cheese, tuna, bread and several other things that I've never thought of as being potential dog food.  Basically, as long as it's edible, the dog likes it.  Even if it isn't, he likes it.  There was the time he ate a bag of seed corn...

Miss Vertigo

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2010, 02:16:11 PM »
[11 pm, I'm curled up in bed, the cats are on the prowl.]

Tesla: *sits beside my head purring loudly*  I'm hungry.
Me: *making vague shooing motions with one hand*  You have food.  It's in your bowl.  I looked on my way back here.
Tesla: But I'm hungry.  I need food.
Me: You have food.  Go eat it.
Tesla: I'm hungry.  Where's my food?
Prometheus: *wailing piteously from somewhere else in the house*  Where's the beef?!
Me: Did I lock him in somewhere?  What the heck?!  You HAVE food IN YOUR FOOD BOWL!
Prometheus: *continual piteous wailing, followed up by some scratching at something*
Me: Seriously, did he sneak into the bathroom and I locked him in?  Now I have to go find him.  *scramble out of bed, Tesla trotting smugly at my heels*
Prometheus: *appearing from nowhere to sit expectantly beside the (full) food bowl*  Food?
Tesla: *standing next to him, staring up at me*  Food?
Me: Yes, you idiots, you HAVE food.  Right next to you!  And you're not getting any more.  Now if you don't let me sleep, I'm going to shut you both in the Munchkin's room and you can have a long talk with the cactus in there.  Good night!

Ten minutes of crunching later, both are curled up next to me on the bed, snoring.  Apparently they're too dumb to eat without being reminded that they have food.  ::)

I have this exact conversation with my two every single day. Every day.

It usually ends in the following manner:

Me: "Oh, for goodness' sake..." *picks up cat, carries it to the kitchen, plonks it in front of the food bowl* - "LOOK. There. SEE?"
Cat: "Oh yeah..." *noms*
Me: *facepalm*

Lynnv

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #24 on: December 19, 2010, 02:43:56 PM »
I go make sure the feeder bowl is full, and they have fresh water.  Geordi of course thinks that if I'm in the kitchen, he's going to be fed.  If my son is in the kitchen, he WILL get fed.  My son drops stuff on the floor and Geordi inhales it. Dumb cat eats anything.  He really likes potato chips.

So far, we've discovered the dog likes sour cream, pop-tarts, apples, oranges, broccoli, potato chips, macaroni and cheese, tuna, bread and several other things that I've never thought of as being potential dog food.  Basically, as long as it's edible, the dog likes it.  Even if it isn't, he likes it.  There was the time he ate a bag of seed corn...

Harry is fond of both food items and non-food items.  :>  He likes everything.  Plastic bags, paper, cardboard, tuna, mac and cheese, beer, etc.

We once had a cat who liked green olives.  Well, sort of.  He would drag them off, suck all the juice out of them and then leave their dried husks behind a couch.  We found them when we moved the couch.  Icky.
Lynn

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."  Robert A. Heinlein

supernova

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #25 on: December 19, 2010, 07:35:11 PM »
Allow me to direct you all to the BEST EVER conversation with a pet.

The story of the dog and the sweet potato.   http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html


OMDeity!  Could not... stop... laughing.  Scared the cats. 

katycoo

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #26 on: December 19, 2010, 08:17:36 PM »
One of the funniest cat/human interchanges ever in the description of this cat toy:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/pets/e16d/

JoW

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #27 on: December 19, 2010, 10:53:22 PM »
Cast:
Dax age 13.  Neutered Male Maine Coon mix.  Large and in charge.  The vet declared him obese 6 months ago.  Ideal weight 18 lbs.  Current weight 23 lbs.   Im trying to get him down below 20 lbs.
Nerys age 16. Spayed Female.   Tiny.   Allergic to most cat food.  Eats an expensive prescription low-allergen cat food.  Her feeding station is the top of my dresser.  She climbs her plastic staircase to get up there. 
Spot age 18.  Spayed Female.  Small.  Suffering from kidney failure.  Does not have much time left.  Fussy eater.  Only eats canned food.  The vet told me to indulge her to get her to eat.

I used to have dogs, too (lost them to old age) so the cats are used to eating on an isolated countertop in the kitchen.  Access is by way of a kitchen chair.  Between the weight and the age Dax has a hard time climbing to the countertop feeding station.  I now feed him on the floor.  That allows me to limit the amount of food he eats

Dax:  I am NOT fat. Im big-boned.  How could I possibly be fat since you never feed me?
Feed me (nips my leg).
Feed me (flops in front of dish)
FEED ME!!
Ok.  You wont feed me.  So Ill climb up to the feeding station and steal from Spot.  Struggles to get up to the countertop. 
Spot moves away from the food so Dax can eat
I lift Dax back to the floor several times over the next hour.

Later:
Spot :  Feed me.  Dax ate all my food when you left the room.
I put food out.
Wrong flavor.  Feed me something else.
I feed her a different flavor.
OK, but the chunks are too big.  Yes, I know I rejected paste-texture food 5 minutes ago.  I want finely-diced chunks. 
I run a pizza cutter through the food.
OK, now Ill eat, but only the top layer.  If I eat the bottom layer Dax will swat me.

Even Later
Nerys feed me.  Move my food to your bed.  My feeding station isnt as comfortable as your bed.
I move the food
Dax arrives and starts eating Neryss food.
I move Nerys and her food back to my dresser. 
Dax gets bored and leaves
Repeat

Bluenomi

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Re: Conversations The Cats and I Would Have If They Could Talk: Feeding Time
« Reply #28 on: December 19, 2010, 11:13:58 PM »
Mornings are like this in my house
Me: Good morning Miss Kitten
Isis: Ohh you're up, cudddles, no, I want food, no, I want cuddles, no, food, no, cuddles!
Me: (picks up cat and give's cuddles) Do you want your breaksfast?
Isis: Food! No I want out, no I want food, no I want out, food, out, food, out!

The other converstion I'd love to hear in my house is:
DD (8 months old): toy, toy, toy, OHHHHH, CAT CAT CAT CAT CAT, oh she gone....Toy, toy, toy.
Isis: I might wonder over to that patch of floor for a nap, OH MY ITS THE BABY, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! Oh here's a nice spot to sleep.

Kimblee

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« Reply #29 on: December 20, 2010, 11:10:13 AM »
My mornings:

Me: zzz
NinjaBoy: *scritch scritch at head* Mama, its time for morning luvs...pet me!
NinjaGirl: Morning luv time? Ooo, pet me toooooo.
Me: Ughh
Both: Mama! Mama! MamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamaMAMA!
Me: *groggily sit up and pet dogs*
Both: Whee!
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