General Etiquette > Family and Children

uninvited guest on christmas day

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gadget--gal:
My extended family - aunts and cousins, (hubbies optional!)  - always have Christmas dinner together. "Always" means since we were born. My aunts take turns in hosting it, though we share the supplying of food and drinks. Anyhoo, this year, one aunt (my mum's twin) "E" brings a guest with her. We had no inking that she'd bring someone extra, the first we knew of it was when they were at the front door! She didn't introduce him straight off, I assumed she was waiting for a more opportune moment for introduction, like just before grace or something; given that the younger cousins were all over the house. Those of us who see him, say "hi" and "Merry christmas" but he's not very forthcoming himself.

Anyhoo, we said grace, everyone loaded up their plates and ate. Aftewards, as normal, we sit and chat til it gets late. My aunts end up in a group speaking our ethnic language and my cousins chat together in English. This guy is on the other side of the room away from the rest of the aunts. Aunt E is on the same sofa as him but she's programming her phone, or twiddling with the hifi or something.

AS we're chatting it dawns on me that we still don;t know who he is. So I ask Aunt E's son what is Mystery Guy's name  and he shrug's his shoulders!  ??? Oh well. anyway, there's more chatting and then gift exchanging, some distant relatives drop in and say 'Hi' and then it's home time.

As it turns out Aunt E, oldest cousin and Mystery Guy need a ride home (the cousin who drove sleeping over) and my mum has three spaces in the car. It's only untill Aunt E mentions where Mystery Guy that my mum learns his name!

This evening my mum came to my flat and we exchanged gifts. I asked her if she was introduced to Mystery Guy and it was then that she told me hadn't been introduced, lol! None of us would have objected to his presence but I'm sure he would have been made more comfortable if 'someone' had introduced him (if he was too shy) or included him in the conversations.

I reckon Aunt E thought her christmas good dee was over  :P ;)

Funnily enough she did the same thing about 10 years ago with a distant cousin's boyfriend who had recently come to the UK. (DC was abroad). We found this out afteward as she didn't introduce him. Had she introduced him, people would have made him really welcome, especially as the whole family really loves his girlfriend. Still, they got married a couple of years ago.

Minmom3:
Was there a reason none of you walked up and said, "Hello, I'm So-and-so, I'm Aunt E's niece. - - pregnant pause where person you speak to generally coughs up their own name - - -"??  That's what we've done when a stranger is brought into the house.  It doesn't generally need to be done, but it happens, and we walk up and introduce ourselves.   :D

fklwmn:

--- Quote from: Minmom3 on December 26, 2006, 02:26:24 PM ---Was there a reason none of you walked up and said, "Hello, I'm So-and-so, I'm Aunt E's niece. - - pregnant pause where person you speak to generally coughs up their own name - - -"??  That's what we've done when a stranger is brought into the house.  It doesn't generally need to be done, but it happens, and we walk up and introduce ourselves.   :D

--- End quote ---

Ha! this is what my family does too... with a pointed look at the person who neglected to introduce the newbie. I know this b/c I for some reason tend to assume that everyone I know already knows everyone else I know and I forget to introduce people on a regular basis :)

gadget--gal:

--- Quote from: Minmom3 on December 26, 2006, 02:26:24 PM ---Was there a reason none of you walked up and said, "Hello, I'm So-and-so, I'm Aunt E's niece. - - pregnant pause where person you speak to generally coughs up their own name - - -"??  That's what we've done when a stranger is brought into the house.  It doesn't generally need to be done, but it happens, and we walk up and introduce ourselves.   :D

--- End quote ---

It's a generational and perhaps cultural thing. the young'uns tend not to fraternise with the elders unless we're introduced or we already know them. We don't get into their conversations unless we are addressed. A few years ago, I tried to break through this by introducing myself to people* at occasions, or at least speaking to people* and I just get ignored. I guess it makes me look like the young pushy, whippersnapper, so I don't bother anymore.

* by people, I mean older generations in my ethnic group

Funnily enough, I was saying to my friend that the generation gap seems to be getting wider and wider because of things like this, so perhaps this situation is an example of a bigger issue

Minmom3:
<<It's a generational and perhaps cultural thing. The young'uns tend not to fraternize with the elders u>>

I can understand that, but why didn't somebody of the appropriate generation bite the bullet and go introduce themselves - especially since Aunt E appears to done this kind of thing before?  How horribly uncomfortable for her guest!  I'm not saying YOU should have done it, but certainly thing someone should have, like, oh  the owner of the house...

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