Author Topic: Baby Shower Through the Mail?  (Read 5332 times)

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jimithing

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Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« on: June 23, 2007, 12:21:29 AM »
My friend just received a baby shower "invitation" for a friend who recently moved several states away.  The invitation basically stated that since many mother-to-be's close friends were not nearby, that they were going to have a baby shower through the mail.  It lists several places where MTB is registered and specifically states that gift cards would be welcomed.  This in itself is tacky and poor etiquette.  But what about the general idea of the mail baby shower? 

I just found something on Marthastewart.com that mentions this as an idea, but she says that it would be a nice thoughtful gesture, not necessarily something that you send out invites for.  My friend thinks the whole idea is tacky, and I have to agree.  She said that she was going to send something anyway but now she may wait until after the baby is born (she's a little miffed over the whole thing.)

Also, the MTB is being thrown an in-person baby shower in her new hometown, so it's not like there is absolutely no one around to do this for her.  Is this in poor etiquette or are we just overreacting?

jamiescudder

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2007, 12:53:08 AM »
I'm not exactly an etiquette expert, but this seems tacky to me. It's more like a gift grab than anything else. I think your friend has the right idea to wait until after the baby is born. That way it won't be mistaken for a shower gift. You don't want to "feed the beast." ;)

Brentwood

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2007, 12:59:33 AM »
It's incredibly tacky. There is no hospitality or fellowship being offered here; it's simply, "This is where I'm registered. Send me a gift."

Redhead

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2007, 04:52:50 AM »
kinda screams gift grab to me.

I would possibly send something after the baby is born but for this, the MOST they would get is a nice card.

edenparadox

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2007, 09:39:20 AM »
It is a gift grab.

The real issue is did the MTB sanction it? It is possible that the person throwing the shower did this on their own and then by responding negatively you punish the MTB for something she didn't do. Just a thought.

Lisbeth

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2007, 09:43:30 AM »
It is a gift grab.

My mother did the same thing when she hosted a baby shower for my SIL.  Aside from the issue of hosting the shower herself, she eVited relatives who lived thousands of miles away (like me) and non-relatives and included a registry link in the invitation.
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jimithing

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2007, 12:14:34 PM »
I asked my friend if she thought the MTB sanctioned it.  She said she would have had to because she would have had to provide the addresses.  I guess it's possible that the friend did not tell the MTB exactly what they were for and maybe the MTB thought that regular invitations were being sent to her friends.  My friend knows the MTB well and she said that she doubts this.

I know that there are debates about whether sending an invitation to an out-of-town guest that probably won't be attending is tacky or not.  Some people say it sounds like a gift grab, but I'm of the school that it's a thoughtful gesture, as in I'm thinking about you and would want you to share that experience with me.  Does anyone know the proper etiquette rule on this?  I tried finding it but couldn't.  I know I've been invited to out of state showers that I didn't think I would be able to attend, but I was able to make it work and I went.

edenparadox

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #7 on: June 23, 2007, 12:16:39 PM »
I asked my friend if she thought the MTB sanctioned it.  She said she would have had to because she would have had to provide the addresses.  I guess it's possible that the friend did not tell the MTB exactly what they were for and maybe the MTB thought that regular invitations were being sent to her friends.  My friend knows the MTB well and she said that she doubts this.

I know that there are debates about whether sending an invitation to an out-of-town guest that probably won't be attending is tacky or not.  Some people say it sounds like a gift grab, but I'm of the school that it's a thoughtful gesture, as in I'm thinking about you and would want you to share that experience with me.  Does anyone know the proper etiquette rule on this?  I tried finding it but couldn't.  I know I've been invited to out of state showers that I didn't think I would be able to attend, but I was able to make it work and I went.

As far as I know, you invite guests because you want them there. They are the ones that have to decide if they can make it. Unless you're all knowing and can foretell they aren't going to decide to take a weekend and come visit and join the shower, sending invites to OOT guests is okay.

jimithing

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2007, 01:13:08 PM »
UPDATE- I just spoke with my friend who received this invitation.  I told her that she wasn't being snotty for thinking this was tacky as many people agreed with her!  When my friend told me about this, I thought that the gifts were being sent for the actual shower.  My friend just read me the invitation and there is NO DATE!  It says where they are registered, to visit the website for gift cards, and then the mother's due date.  So, this is definitely tacky and a no-no.  This is a blatant gift grab. 

Emmy

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2007, 08:21:03 AM »
Why even bother calling it a baby shower?  Guests aren't being invited to an actually party, they are only being invited to send gifts.  I find it amusing how she is just asking people to send gifts in the mail, but trying to make it sound less tacky by calling it a 'baby shower' and mailing out invitations.  If this girl is having a local baby shower, why does she feel the need to hit up family and friends who are far away.

If the far away guests were invited to the actual shower, that wouldn't be so bad.  At least they would decide if they wanted to go or not.  I guess this is an easy way to get gifts, no planning, no food prep, no games, just send out the invitations and wait for the gifts of roll in.

ZipTheWonder

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2007, 09:57:23 PM »
All of these Faux Shower ideas have one thing in common:  People who care more about getting stuff than they do about having good relationships with people. 

andi

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #11 on: June 26, 2007, 09:17:43 PM »
I know that there are debates about whether sending an invitation to an out-of-town guest that probably won't be attending is tacky or not.  Some people say it sounds like a gift grab, but I'm of the school that it's a thoughtful gesture, as in I'm thinking about you and would want you to share that experience with me.  Does anyone know the proper etiquette rule on this?  I tried finding it but couldn't.  I know I've been invited to out of state showers that I didn't think I would be able to attend, but I was able to make it work and I went.

on this - i like to be included in things for friends even if the event is located out of town from me, it makes me feel included even though i may not be able to be there.  i've had my feelings hurt when i didn't receive and invite soley based on my location.  but that's just me -and most of my friends aren't gift mongers.

in this case - it seems more of a "hey, don't forget to get me something" rather than an actual shower.  i have to go with 'tacky"

loopey2u

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2007, 10:54:32 PM »
Yeah, really tacky.

Gift grab for sure.


GlindaBunny

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2007, 04:53:42 PM »
My aunts and female cousins are apparently throwing some kind of (small, family only) baby shower for me a few states away.  They just did the same thing for my cousin, also a few states away.  Apparently they're going to get together and have food and talk and everything.  Weird, but whatever.  Mom said they just want to do something nice and get presents for the baby.

My husband and I are notoriously anti-consumerism, and I've been watching craigslist and garage sales for the things we need (car seat and baby mattress we'll buy new but the other stuff is fine used).  I registered for a few things at a store with a bullseye symbol in the off chance they check to see if we're registered there.  I put a small list of inexpensive things like two fitted sheets, one hooded bath towel, one pack of onesies, one pack of cloth diapers (for burp cloths), one manual breast pump (the electric ones scare me), and a set of 4 soft baby einstein blocks.  I'm hoping that they get the message that we don't want/need stuff.  We're also going to be doing cloth diapers in public/infant potty training at home so we don't want or need disposable diapers at all.

We're not poor, but it seems silly to me to spend lots of money on baby clothes when I can get such cute outfits for $1 each at garage sales!  People in this state seem to have babies like crazy and there are always garage sales with good quality baby clothes.  They're in better shape and cheaper than the ones at used clothing stores, even.

GotSquatch

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Re: Baby Shower Through the Mail?
« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2007, 06:08:55 PM »
We did this for my sister when she was expecting her first child.  She was living in Germany (military) and we were all in Alaska so throwing her a shower with all of us there was just not an option (our father was nearing the end of his terminal illnes).
 We had a wrapping party. It was strictly family and 2 close friends who are considered family, about 7 total.  We brought our gifts unwrapped and showed each other what we got.  My aunt took photos of everyone wrapping and we boxed everything together and shipped at once.  My older sister put together a little album of the photos for her to open last. 
We arranged for some of her friends to be at her place when the packages arrived with some refreshments and they brought there gifts at that time as well. 

I feel given our circumstances, this was our only option to celebrate for her before my nephew was born. 
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