Author Topic: Oh my rudeness...  (Read 8384 times)

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Jenny13

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Oh my rudeness...
« on: December 28, 2010, 01:54:35 PM »
My DH and his friend have a wonderful relationship as do I with DH friend as well.  Friend has a history of girlfriends that DH and I are not always particulary fond of, but we deal with personality conflicts as best we can and accomodate at all times so as to keep our friendship. 

Friend had a girlfriend in the past that DH and I felt did not care for us nor did we care for her...thank goodness it didn't work out and our friend admitted that she did indeed not care for us and that was part of the reason that their relationship did not work out (that and she stole his car which she proceeded to wreck  :o

Friend got a new girlfriend which DH and I met and we really like her!! She seemed much better than the previous one and we became quite fond of her.  It didn't take long to realize that there seemed to be something deep down in her that was just RUDE!  It started October 2009.  I love Halloween and had gotten a lot of crafty things at A.C. Moores that kept my neices and myself busy.  One evening DH, myself, friend, and friends girlfriend were sitting around enjoying a glass of wine and chit chatting when my DH say's "Hey, did you see all the neat crafts Jenny did"?  Now I tend to get quite pleased by my artwork as it is a passion of mine, however, girlfriend say's in return "ha ha yeah, I can tell she did it".  Whoa....! That was out of the blue and quite rude at that.  I replied in a shocked tone "well..Kelly I don't think I like you anymore" and proceeded to laugh, but I don't think it was any surprise that I was extremely angry with her.  She apologized and explained that it was just the wine talking and I laughed it off.  Because I couldn't get over being so flustered and angry, I walked out of the room after a few minutes and went by my fireplace for a few minutes with the excuse "oh, my darn dog is acting out".  I went and hung out with the dog for a couple minutes to cool down  >:(.   After a few minutes friend and GF decided to leave *thank goodness*.  They leave and DH say's "WOW that was rude" Oh I was so mad and fuming at that point I started crying.  I decided to let it all go and give it another whirl...maybe just maybe it was the wine talking after all.

Fast foward to Halloween (which they invited themselves to my house for  :-\).  It's 5:30pm and I look outside to see it there are any trick or treaters walking around yet.  I get very excited for Halloween so I did a little butt shake dance while looking outside (very hard to explain) to which my sister (who also was at my house) say's "Jenny, what are you doing"?  I reply "oh nothing, just excited".  A minute or so later I left with my sister and brother to go pick up pizza that I had ordered.  We get in the car to which my siblings tell me that when my sister asked what I was doing, friend's GF said in a snotty tone "she likes the attention". I didn't hear this, but boy I am mad all over again, but shrug it off.  The night goes by ok, and I continue to be cordial.  After all of this though, I decide I will no longer go out of my way to make her feel included......

This is just an example of how rude she has been in the past...since these two episodes she sorta stays away from me to a point...at least she doesn't express her rudeness so openly anymore.  I just hope I can continue to keep my composure in the event that she does.
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Jan74

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2010, 02:41:49 PM »
She is not just rude, she clearly does not like you, for whatever reason. I'd avoid her.

bluebirds

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2010, 03:35:02 PM »
I don't know, the first comment, it could have been just a badly-worded way of showing her appreciation.

The second one - yeah off, but I'm really for asking people in a conversational way what's up. I've admitted to not liking people in the past when I was asked point blank, and once (ok not great stats) it actually led to chatting to the chap in question and it turned out to be something so silly we both laughed it off.

Giggity

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2010, 03:39:25 PM »
1. Friend got a new girlfriend which DH and I met and we really like her!! She seemed much better than the previous one and we became quite fond of her.

2. It didn't take long to realize that there seemed to be something deep down in her that was just RUDE!

There's a major disconnect between 1 and 2 here. What up with that? If she's so rude and spiteful, what's to be fond of?
Words mean things.

Jan74

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2010, 03:57:11 PM »
1. Friend got a new girlfriend which DH and I met and we really like her!! She seemed much better than the previous one and we became quite fond of her.

2. It didn't take long to realize that there seemed to be something deep down in her that was just RUDE!

There's a major disconnect between 1 and 2 here. What up with that? If she's so rude and spiteful, what's to be fond of?

I think OP means she liked her before she found out she was rude.

Jenny13

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2010, 10:10:52 AM »
Oh yes, that's what I meant.  We really liked her for the first year or so, but then she really started to show her true colors.  It's really strange though because as rude as I find her to be (snide, snotty..ect.) she was very helpful when setting up for my wedding....  She helped decorate and I was very thankful for that, but she continues to exhibit the rude behavior towards me.  I'm not very fond of her and perhaps it is because she's jealous of me and that is the reason (as DH likes to say  ;)). 

I'm glad I don't see her very often as she live a couple of hours away so mostly she will be avoided.
"How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost"?

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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2010, 10:26:21 AM »
Honestly, these seem like very small examples, especially for someone whom you liked for an entire year before they came up.  They could be interpreted in a number of ways.  And your first reaction seems a bit OTT for a comment that could be interpreted multiple ways, from someone you're fond of. 

I'd say ignore anything you dont hear directly - it's rude, and drama-llama-ish, to relay those comments to you anyway.

For comments you do hear, or that offend you, I would simply directly ask "What do you mean by that?" or something similar, to make her explain her reasoning.  good luck! I hope it works out!
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Danismom

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2010, 12:46:39 PM »
Since you and DH are such central figures in your friend's life, I wonder if she's feeling a bit like she is playing second fiddle to you when everyone gets together?  I'm certainly not excusing her antics, but it sounds like she's feeling somewhat competitive with you, KWIM? 

I would simply ignore most of her antics as much as possible and chalk it up to her thinking she has to measure up against you in friend's eyes.

Ms_Shell

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2010, 01:04:25 PM »
OP, first, sorry that happened.  I can totally see where you'd be hurt.  I have a possible alternative explanation for you though.  I come from a family in which sarcasm is the *only* way to show caring or appreciation.  I know it sounds strange to people who haven't experienced it, but for example, my aunt would have said the exact same thing to you.  What makes it more complicated is, she'd only "insult" your work if she liked you!  Is it possible that's what happened?

To clarify - it's not a good way to act, and I'm not defending her.  In her mind, she may be saying, "Of course I noticed them, Jenny's crafts are awesome!"  Hopefully other posters with sarcastic family members will back me up here, because it looks completely crazy written out like this. But I promise that some people in the world do react that way.    

edited for spelling
« Last Edit: December 30, 2010, 05:54:36 PM by Ms_Shell »
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boxy

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Re: Oh my rudeness...
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2010, 03:55:33 PM »
Ms_Shell brings up something that I had (thankfully) forgotten about growing up in Small Town America 30 years ago.  It was very weird, but yeah, if people liked you they insulted you.  I HATED it.  Of course I was a kid and thought they were serious but eventually realized it was just the mentality.  Stupid mentality, but that's how it was.