Author Topic: Throwing your own baby shower?  (Read 2817 times)

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jillybean

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Throwing your own baby shower?
« on: June 23, 2007, 10:42:23 AM »
Friend and I are having a disagreement.  We were discussing a well-off collegue of hers who threw her own baby shower.  Her collegues were horrified, but friend didn't see anything wrong with it.  She said she thought MTB really didn't have any close female friends to give her a shower and the ones who would be inclined to give her a shower probably didn't have the money to put on a shingdig up to MTB's standards.  I said it just seemed like a blantant gift grab.  Friend said that all showers are basically gift grabs anyway, so what's the difference.  So...what is the difference?
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edenparadox

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2007, 10:59:49 AM »
The difference is that when someone else, who you (hypothetical you) are not related to, is throwing it they do it because they love you and want to do something nice for you. So when the planner talks to other people and invites other people it's almost like a gesture of solidarity from your loved ones to help you. When you do it yourself, it's just a gift grab.

Fabrashamx

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2007, 03:11:18 PM »
Its like giving yourself an award, then making a gushy acceptance speech. eyes will be rolled. And to say you need to throw it yourself because those who might be blackmai....er....talked into throwing one for you wouldnt have the $ to have it 'up to your standards' just adds insult to injury.
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alohomora

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2007, 11:35:11 AM »
If friends and family want to buy gifts for a MTB and new baby, they will do so whether there is an official shower or not.  When a MTB throws the shower for herself, it looks as if she wants to GUARANTEE that she will get gifts.

If it's a matter of having a party to celebrate with friends, the MTB could have a luncheon or brunch with the understanding that no gifts are expected.  It's a food and fun sort of event.

I also have a problem with the fact that the MTB was concerned that her friends didn't have the money to throw a shower "up to her standards."  So it's not that there's no one willing or able to give her a shower, it's just that the shower wouldn't be "good enough" for her.   ::)  That makes the whole idea of her self-thrown shower that much more tacky and insulting. 

If my money and resources aren't good enough to throw you a shower, they sure as heck aren't good enough to buy you a gift.  >:(




jillybean

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2007, 12:16:02 PM »
Thanks so much for your responses.  I was quite surprised that my friend didn't see anything wrong with this, and I thought maybe I was missing something.
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Clara Bow

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2007, 04:54:22 PM »
You aren't missing anything, you really do have a great gimme pig nominee.
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ZipTheWonder

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2007, 09:55:02 PM »
If you don't have any friends who are willing to offer to give you a shower, you might want to consider whether you have a lot of friends who want to give you gifts. 

I realize giving a gift and offering to give a shower aren't the same thing, but it's something to consider. 

Sabbyfrog2

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2007, 04:19:10 PM »
Friend and I are having a disagreement.  We were discussing a well-off collegue of hers who threw her own baby shower.  Her collegues were horrified, but friend didn't see anything wrong with it.  She said she thought MTB really didn't have any close female friends to give her a shower and the ones who would be inclined to give her a shower probably didn't have the money to put on a shingdig up to MTB's standards.  I said it just seemed like a blantant gift grab.  Friend said that all showers are basically gift grabs anyway, so what's the difference.  So...what is the difference?

 MTB is well off. Does she NEED a shower? Does she NEED anything? And even if she weren't well off, no one is ENTITLED to a shower. A shower is given by frinds to celebrate the change in their life. Looks like this lady just wanted presents.  And she's probably an ungrateful snob who wouldn't appriciate the gifts she was given anyway because they were not up to her standards.

jillybean

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2007, 05:42:45 PM »
MTB is well off. Does she NEED a shower? Does she NEED anything? And even if she weren't well off, no one is ENTITLED to a shower. A shower is given by frinds to celebrate the change in their life. Looks like this lady just wanted presents.  And she's probably an ungrateful snob who wouldn't appriciate the gifts she was given anyway because they were not up to her standards.


This was my point to my friend too.  MTB never misses an opportunity to let people know how well-off she is, so why does she even need a shower???  But my friend says rich people have showers all the time.  So I think you're right, Sabby, MTB just wants to make sure she gets presents and, from what I've heard about this woman, attention. 
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Sabbyfrog2

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2007, 04:12:44 PM »
MTB is well off. Does she NEED a shower? Does she NEED anything? And even if she weren't well off, no one is ENTITLED to a shower. A shower is given by frinds to celebrate the change in their life. Looks like this lady just wanted presents.  And she's probably an ungrateful snob who wouldn't appriciate the gifts she was given anyway because they were not up to her standards.


This was my point to my friend too.  MTB never misses an opportunity to let people know how well-off she is, so why does she even need a shower???  But my friend says rich people have showers all the time.  So I think you're right, Sabby, MTB just wants to make sure she gets presents and, from what I've heard about this woman, attention. 

Yep... straight to ehell with MTB... and friend too for backing her up. 

Ondine

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2007, 03:28:58 AM »
I didn't realize baby showers were just gift grabs anyway.... I thought they were to help welcome the new baby... wow, I've got a lot of learning to do.

Throwing herself a shower is one of the top things on the tacky-o-meter

Real Live Mermaids!

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2007, 10:44:47 PM »
My SIL threw her own baby shower.  She had a history of miscarriages, and lost a baby at 7 months pregnant, so MIL and other SIL's told her they'd have the shower after the baby came (I know MIL is not supposed to host the shower, but that's the way they are).  This was not good enough for her--she wanted to be the center of attention, not the baby.  So she had her own shower!!  Tacky!!

BannedAnna

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2007, 10:49:19 PM »
My SIL threw her own baby shower.  She had a history of miscarriages, and lost a baby at 7 months pregnant, so MIL and other SIL's told her they'd have the shower after the baby came (I know MIL is not supposed to host the shower, but that's the way they are).  This was not good enough for her--she wanted to be the center of attention, not the baby.  So she had her own shower!!  Tacky!!

Personally I think it's pretty tacky to say that since someone has had a tragic past with pregnancy that they refuse to celebrate this one until the baby is born.

I mean, how's that for a slap in the face for the potential mom-to-be?

"We're just gonna assume that you might lose this one too and we'd rather not waste a celebration on just another failure."

Twik

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #13 on: June 29, 2007, 07:46:56 AM »
I didn't realize baby showers were just gift grabs anyway.... I thought they were to help welcome the new baby... wow, I've got a lot of learning to do.

Throwing herself a shower is one of the top things on the tacky-o-meter


There are lots of ways to welcome the new baby, such as calling up and saying, "Hey, I've got a present for the Boo, could I come by a few minutes and drop it off?" or "How about we do lunch at (baby-friendly place) and we get to see Wee One?" or "Sure, bring the little guy over, I'd love to see him/her!"

A party called a shower is one of the few parties where gift-giving is an understood condition, as opposed to a nice touch. The idea is to help set up the nursery, so to speak. So, the rules are, you can't host your own, ("Hey, everyone, I have a great idea! Let's have a party, and you'll all give me presents!"), and you're only supposed to have one for the first child, because, in the ancient days when showers were first invented, people KEPT what they got and used them for subsequent babies, instead of demanding entirely new stuff for each child. It wasn't because first babies deserved a welcome, and subsequent babies were of no importance.
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hot_shaker

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Re: Throwing your own baby shower?
« Reply #14 on: June 29, 2007, 11:06:47 AM »
If you don't have any friends who are willing to offer to give you a shower, you might want to consider whether you have a lot of friends who want to give you gifts. 

I realize giving a gift and offering to give a shower aren't the same thing, but it's something to consider. 

Exactly.   


MTB is well off. Does she NEED a shower? Does she NEED anything? And even if she weren't well off, no one is ENTITLED to a shower. A shower is given by frinds to celebrate the change in their life. Looks like this lady just wanted presents. 

Yep.  I know it's slightly wrong of me, but her income does make this situation worse in my mind.  It's always wrong to throw your own shower, but my bleeding heart will be much more sympathetic if a couple is less well off.  If a family is struggling it is likely that the bulk of the couple's income will be going to the necessities and I will gladly buy toys/books/other fun stuff for the baby.  If you're "well-off" (which is relative but basically making more me), then I will talk about you. 


And she's probably an ungrateful snob who wouldn't appreciate the gifts she was given anyway because they were not up to her standards.

Well this is why they make registries!  That way she won't be burdened with any sub-standard rubbish.  ::)

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