Author Topic: "Do you want some help with that?"  (Read 11738 times)

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Venus193

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"Do you want some help with that?"
« on: January 01, 2011, 07:38:54 PM »
... and why I usually say "No, thanks" despite what the Victorian Etiquette Quiz said.

This morning I was en route to Brunhilde's place with my wheels.  The box on it wasn't particularly heavy although I was dragging it up the subway steps slowly because it held bottles of seltzer.  Two men in work clothes were behind me and asked "Can I help you?"  Before I could say anything they took the unit away from me and carried it up the steps to the main level.  One then held out his hand and said "That'll be eight dollars, please."

I'm afraid I lost it.  A second after delivering the Miss Manners Glare of Death (TM) I said "How dare you" as I grabbed the unit.

His response was to get indignant and say "I was joking, you moron."

I will try to have better self-control next time.

Marleigh

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2011, 07:46:16 PM »
I'm sorry, I'm a little lost.  Was this your bike?

Surianne

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2011, 07:48:45 PM »
Did you apologize to him?  It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get yelled at after a joke like that.

Yarnie

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2011, 07:51:27 PM »
That is pretty much the only thing I hate about living in the city.  It's hard to figure out when offers of help are genuine or not.   It does really happen that someone offers to "help", and then demand a fee once they are done.   For example, one time our car got stuck on a side street.  A bunch of guys ran over, and offered to unstick us.   

Once we were moving again, they demanded money.   

So, it is hard to tell, and while its an obvious  joke in much of the country, if you are in a big city, not so much.

LeveeWoman

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2011, 07:53:52 PM »
Did you apologize to him?  It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get yelled at after a joke like that.

She didn't yell.

Venus193

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2011, 07:56:14 PM »
Not a bicycle, just a luggage rack that you'd use at an airport.  Due to my bad knees I don't carry heavy shopping bags anymore.

And no, I did not apologize.  I did not request assistance and he did not wait for me to answer; he and his friend just took the thing out  of my hands.

Yarnie, your comment is spot on.  It is hard to tell when something is a joke and I don't appreciate jokes designed to make a fool of me.

Surianne

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2011, 07:59:24 PM »
Did you apologize to him?  It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get yelled at after a joke like that.

She didn't yell.

Sorry, let me change it to "It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get spoken to so rudely after a joke like that."

I think he deserved an apology.

Marleigh

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2011, 08:04:06 PM »
Not a bicycle, just a luggage rack that you'd use at an airport.  Due to my bad knees I don't carry heavy shopping bags anymore.

And no, I did not apologize.  I did not request assistance and he did not wait for me to answer; he and his friend just took the thing out  of my hands.

Yarnie, your comment is spot on.  It is hard to tell when something is a joke and I don't appreciate jokes designed to make a fool of me.

Ah, I see.  I think your reaction might have been a bit harsh.  I think the joke about payment was a way to deflect any awkwardness so you wouldn't feel obligated to gush with thanks (I'm guessing about their point of view).  I can see why you might have been shocked, but I don't think they deserved to be told off.  He was very rude to call you a moron, though.  Totally uncalled for.

MrsO

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2011, 08:07:06 PM »
Did you apologize to him?  It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get yelled at after a joke like that.

She didn't yell.

Sorry, let me change it to "It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get spoken to so rudely after a joke like that."

I think he deserved an apology.
Pod.

Alida

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2011, 08:08:00 PM »
Someone takes something out of my hand and carries it off? They'd be lucky I wasn't shouting for a cop before they reached the top of the stairs.

LeveeWoman

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2011, 08:13:14 PM »
Did you apologize to him?  It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get yelled at after a joke like that.

She didn't yell.

Sorry, let me change it to "It sounds like he was doing a very nice thing and it must have been pretty shocking to get spoken to so rudely after a joke like that."

I think he deserved an apology.

He grabbed something out of Venus' hands and then demanded money for his actions. Even if he were joking, it was a bad joke. And, to top it off, he called her a "moron".

Dazi

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2011, 08:14:29 PM »
You might have been a bit abrupt with him.  However, I think a person gets what they get when they snatch something out of your hands and carry it off.  Especially since he didn't allow you to respond "No thanks, I've got it" or "Thanks that would be great". Honestly, I would have thought he was stealing my cart before I thought helping. 

I think you both get a pass on this one.

Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





MrsO

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2011, 08:15:41 PM »
He grabbed something out of Venus' hands and then demanded money for his actions. Even if he were joking, it was a bad joke. And, to top it off, he called her a "moron".
Someone takes something out of my hand and carries it off? They'd be lucky I wasn't shouting for a cop before they reached the top of the stairs.
These both dramatise it so much. He was trying to do a nice thing for someone, then making a joke about it. He did not seriously demand money. And, honestly Alida, you think this is worth calling the police? I can only imagine their reaction.

Surianne

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2011, 08:19:30 PM »
He grabbed something out of Venus' hands and then demanded money for his actions. Even if he were joking, it was a bad joke. And, to top it off, he called her a "moron".
Someone takes something out of my hand and carries it off? They'd be lucky I wasn't shouting for a cop before they reached the top of the stairs.
These both dramatise it so much. He was trying to do a nice thing for someone, then making a joke about it. He did not seriously demand money. And, honestly Alida, you think this is worth calling the police? I can only imagine their reaction.

I agree.  Yes, perhaps he should have waited for the OP to say yes before he carried the bag, but he didn't snatch it or steal it.  He was doing a nice thing.  From now on, he probably won't bother, and that's really too bad.

The OP should have acknowledged his help and apologized.


Alida

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Re: "Do you want some help with that?"
« Reply #14 on: January 01, 2011, 08:21:21 PM »
These both dramatise it so much. He was trying to do a nice thing for someone, then making a joke about it. He did not seriously demand money. And, honestly Alida, you think this is worth calling the police? I can only imagine their reaction.

Someone grabs something out of your hands and heads off? That's theft. Yes, I would have called for help before he even got to the top of the steps.

My reaction might be colored by the fact that I've grown up just outside of the city and spent a lot of time there and had more than a few friends who have been mugged (and more who haven't, true, but it does happen).