I'm your manager NOT your social secretary. Just call me Scrooge ( LONG -Sorry

[POF]

BACKGROUND

I used to take my dept out for a XMAS lunch. However - it started getting too expensive and out of hand and frankly the entitlement pigs were making me a little angry. One woman in particular (JILL )  would lobby / hint to go to the most $$$ restaurant in the city. ( We didn't - I was hostess and I picked the venue ) . Wherever we went - she would ask to see the dinner menu and order from that instead of the lunch menu. She would order appetizers / soup / dinner meal and dessert. Most of the meal she would wrap up.

One year - I had some significant cash flow problems ( dead car before XMAS , medical emergency, unexpected vet bills ). I decided to take the group to a restaurant that we ALL liked - but was a little more reasonable priced. Well JILL and one or two others -  did nothing but complain and make comments about how cheap I was ! At the copier outside my office in earshot of both my secretary and I.

That ended the XMAS lunch and frankly I don't do anything any more.

PRESENT DAY

Since I stopped the lunch a few years ago - JILL will bring up frequently ( insert whine ) aren't we having a XMAS party ? My standard reply is yes - Our company sponsors a catered lunch and festivites - that's our party. Of course she will then say - but Aren't you taking us out ? I repeat - no, that's not possible this year.

Some departments ( larger ones with 20 - 30 employees ) having there own XMAS party potluck lunch - JILL took a nutty and kept on about why we weren't invited ( um - it's not our department - it's not our party ). In fact - she was just planning to crash it.

She then continued to bring up incessantly that it would be NICE if our department did something for XMAS like go out to a fancy lunch. I finally told her that I had overheard the discussion where I was called cheap and frankly it hurt my feelings. Her response was well - you were cheap that year  So I repeated to her what I have said for the past two years - you can plan a small event and I will pitch in $50. We can order out / do a combo potluck order or whatever - but you can organize and plan it. ( I am too busy - Year End Audt / 4th Qtr Board Meetings etc and my secretary left ).

Nope - she keeps saying that she thinks I should do it. I finally told her in no uncertain terms that I was not her social secretary and that this was getting in the way of work being done and that it was disruptive to everyone else.  She of course looks at me smugly and says Why do you always blow everything out of proportion ? . 

I have no objection to the holiday hoopla in the office but:

No, I am not planning it - I am running ragged with Christmas for Kids toy drive, the food drive for church and organizing a coat closet for the elementary school. 

No, I am not participating in a secret santa or any gift exchange - personally - I keep gifts to a minimun and try to emphasize other aspects of the holiday.

As a thank you to my staff - I think one of the greatest gifts this season is time - I give everyone 2 afternoons off ( their choice ) in December in order to get shopping done / prepare for the holidays or spend time with their kids.

Thanks to all of you lovely EHELLIONS -  I really kept my temper in check, and just kept lathering , rinseing and repeating.

[Musicwoman]

Good gravy!!!  I can't begin to imagine speaking to my manager like that.  No wonder you don't feel like treating Jill to anything other than a good slapping.

Does she have "I want to commit career suicide" tattooed on her forehead, by any chance?

[POF]

Jill ( not her real name )  is winding down to retirement..... she is a true entitlement princess. A few good examples:

She went to a wedding last summer for the son of one of her friends. The wedding was about a 2 - 3 hour drive away. She expressed astonishment that the bride and groom were not providing rooms for all of the guests! I thought you were supposed to provide accomodations for the guests if they had more than a 2 hour drive ? 

She was completely put out when I asked her to stop making long distance calls at work but I am calling my son !  My response: was it an emergency well, no - but he's busy in the evenings - this is more convenient. I had long distance blocked from her phone.

She has one son - grown, no grandchildren. She has a nutty is she can not get the "prime vacation weeks" off ( XMAS / Thanksgiving / day before and after holidays ). She doesn't get them - we ALL rotate them. But I get to hear the whining .......

Well you get the drift .......

[FoxPaws]

Jill ( not her real name )  is winding down to retirement..... she is a true entitlement princess.

Please keep us posted. I cannot wait to hear what she thinks she is entitled to get when she retires.  

The fact that she wasn't even embarrassed to be caught gossiping about her boss is telling - she really doesn't have a clue, does she? I think two afternoons off is very generous, and I'd appreciate that a lot more than lunch, but I can see how someone who thinks only of herself would be disappointed (shopping and decorating being things you do for others). I wonder if she's like this all the time? Maybe there is a reason her son is "busy" when she tries to call.

[Lunadiana75]

Un-ruddy-believable! Let me just say, you sound like a very generous manager to me!  I have been on department sponsored lunches many times in my life.  I know it's coming out of someone's pocket so I order within reason (in fact managers usually tell me to order more LOL) and I always say thank you.  Two free afternoons off during the Christmas season?  Can I work for you?  Really.  Who piddled in this woman's cornflakes? 

I'm 31, but if I ever acted like that, and my parents found out, they would pop up out of nowhere and slap me into next Tuesday. 

[Suze]

Good Grief!

How clueless can some people be?  Sounds like she wants all the "fun" of office Christmas parties (Ugh, just let me do my work and go home, I have enough to do with out adding that to the mix)

You were more than fair to say if you want a party - you do it - and 2 afternoons off, WOW, you must have a really lenient company structure to allow you to do that.

I have been taken out to eat ONCE by my bosses in all the years that I have worked, and we went to the Bowling Alley (Small town, and they do have good food) and that was to say thank you for the work I had put in on a office project (I work in the factory, they needed some extra help for a couple of weeks. It was summer, the office was airconditioned, I volunteered)

Tell Jill to get a life, she and her "friends" ruined the Christmas Lunch, and I would tell her that, again and again.

[willow08]

Does this person treat you with disrespect all year round or just around Christmas?

I think she needs to be reminded that you are her supervisor and talking to you that way DOES NOT STAND. The fact that she whines and focuses more on parties than her work, makes unauthorized long distance calls during work hours AND calls you names would be grounds for disciplinary meeting in my office.

[POF]

She is disrespectful but in a way that is difficult to manage - outright "I won't do my work"  -  I can handle.  It's very hard to pinpoint / right up " attitude" - especially the "I am entitled to special treatment" clause she thinks she has. She 's the queen of the little snip and the snarky eye roll. HR has been kept well apprised of her issues - she always manages to skate by just under the radar. 

Her standard response to any disciplinary meeting is - Your wrong - I didn't say that or " your are blowing it out of proportion".

Her work is OK - she is not the strongest person in the group - but she does her work and is reliable. Please Please Please retire soon.

In terms of the afternoon off - My group works a lot of uncompensated OT - my employees are  salaried.  For the afternoons off -  they usually skip lunch and leave at 1:30.  They certainly make up 8 hours a year.

[Lisbeth]

She is disrespectful but in a way that is difficult to manage - outright "I won't do my work"  -  I can handle.  It's very hard to pinpoint / right up " attitude" - especially the "I am entitled to special treatment" clause she thinks she has. She 's the queen of the little snip and the snarky eye roll. HR has been kept well apprised of her issues - she always manages to skate by just under the radar. 

Her standard response to any disciplinary meeting is - Your wrong - I didn't say that or " your are blowing it out of proportion".

Her work is OK - she is not the strongest person in the group - but she does her work and is reliable. Please Please Please retire soon.

In terms of the afternoon off - My group works a lot of uncompensated OT - my employees are  salaried.  For the afternoons off -  they usually skip lunch and leave at 1:30.  They certainly make up 8 hours a year.

I think HR needs to take a harder line with her.  I can't think of any company where that would be tolerated from a subordinate - unless s/he was the boss's relative.  (Is she?)

[Lunadiana75]

She is disrespectful but in a way that is difficult to manage - outright "I won't do my work"  -  I can handle.  It's very hard to pinpoint / right up " attitude" - especially the "I am entitled to special treatment" clause she thinks she has. She 's the queen of the little snip and the snarky eye roll. HR has been kept well apprised of her issues - she always manages to skate by just under the radar. 

Her standard response to any disciplinary meeting is - Your wrong - I didn't say that or " your are blowing it out of proportion".

Her work is OK - she is not the strongest person in the group - but she does her work and is reliable. Please Please Please retire soon.

In terms of the afternoon off - My group works a lot of uncompensated OT - my employees are  salaried.  For the afternoons off -  they usually skip lunch and leave at 1:30.  They certainly make up 8 hours a year.

UGH! I have worked with people like her, I feel your pain.  They do just enough to create a toxic atmosphere, but not enough to really pinpoint anything that would get them in trouble.  They also keep wiggle room to spin things in their favor.

[hobish]

Where do people like that get off??? I cannot ever imagine talking to one of my managers like that!
Having been in a management position, though, i know exactly what you mean by staying just under HR's radar. What a frustrating situation. What's worse is i think people like that really & truly believe they aren't doing anything wrong and never will learn any better.

Best of luck to you, POF, in dealing with her in the future.

...and i am sure the rest of your employees appreciated your good will in the past. I'm sorry one cretin had to go & hurt your feelings.

[itiswhatitisn't]

I'd be really annoyed if I was her coworker.  I bet everyone knows she's the reason there is no lunch and they're probably mad at her for that.  My boss drives me insane sometimes and I"m working on teaching him communication skills.  But you would never hear me criticize him within earshot or within earshot of his colleagues.  Not that they haven't criticized him or offered to talk to me.  But the boss is the boss and there are things you don't do.  If my boss took me out to lunch I'd do a jig even if it was Subway. 

[Slartibartfast]

If it were me working with this crazy lady, I would work toward forcing her to take a stand.  It may be passive-aggressive, but I would make a point of calling her on EVERY snarky entitlement princess thing she does, and basically dare her to bring it to HR.  For the phone call thing - take it up a level so you can get an officewide memo/rule about "no non-emergency long distance phone calls on the company dime" (I don't think any HR would disagree with that!), then make it a formal mark against her the next time she does it.  When she whines that you're not buying her pink cupcakes or taking her out to lunch, assign the task (and the expense, if it was out of your pocket) to her.  Then when she complains again, make it clear it was HER responsibility for this to happen, and it's her fault that it didn't.  Eventually she's going to complain to HR that you're being mean and not letting her bring her Chiuhaua to work . . . at which point you can make it clear for the record that you expect the same from her as you do from every employee, and her discomfort is all of her making.

Best case scenario, she retires earlier (or does something so awful that she gets fired!).  Worst case scenario, she stays there as long as she would have otherwise, but you get to harass her back.

[MineralDiva]

Good for you, that you didn't tell her:  "Well, if you insist on getting something from me for Christmas, I have a pretty "pink" item in mind!"  (as in pink-slip...fired for stupidly talking to her boss, the way she does!)

[Sirius]

I think I'd tell her (maybe worded more tactfully) "Mention it again and your butt's fired."  I can't imagine talking to a manager the way she does.