• April 22, 2018, 02:59:27 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Giving it away. Do I ask again, Etiquette question.  (Read 2126 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


  • Member
  • Posts: 773
Giving it away. Do I ask again, Etiquette question.
« on: January 07, 2011, 04:07:05 PM »

BG: I have been attending a community common interest group for the past 4 years. Its a group of about 24 people, but the core is 18-20. I am friends outside this group with about 5 people, as we go out to dinner after the weekly get meeting is done.

I live in a large community, but as its only grown in the past 5 years, most people who have lived here no each other. In the past 5 years the town's population has tripled so as mentioned, the ones that grew up here now each other.  End BG.

Out to dinner in December Member 1 (M1) mentioned that another person we know thru the group (AP), had a flood at the basement apartment she lived in with her two kids. They lost everything and don't have insurance. I actually really AP and kind of know what she's going thru (as far as loosing everything). So I called the phone # I had for her and left a message that stated I heard what happened and want to help. Have some extra stuff around the house that she could have (clothes, small appliances, maybe some furniture), just call me. Especially since it happened on Dec 20, right before Xmas.

After a day, I called M1 and asked for AP's work # and it was given, no questions were asked. (AP owns part of the business and deals with public, so a call from me at work is not a big thing). But I couldn't get thru, so I dropped by the business on Dec 24, unfortunately hey were closed. I went back again after Xmas, bought some product :) and talked to just her. I told her what I had done and said she didnít get the message, but it was really nice. At this point her business partner came up, so the subject was dropped and I gave her my business card. Advised her to think about it and contact me.

I ran into her last Tuesday night, she confirmed that she did find the message and how nice it was. Unfortunately she couldnít get past how nice the offer was. I specifically mentioned that I am cleaning up the whole house and getting rid of stuff. I said that if she wanted anything all she needs to do is let me know. Iíll hold the stuff no prob, but I need to know since I want to get rid of stuff. (I will be selling the stuff to try and make money. Prob about $200-$300). Not getting rid of stuff I think she can use is not an option right now.

Anyways my question in all this is do I approach her again about letting me know if she does need anything that I have, or do I just drop it? Thing is I donít want to embarrass her in anyway, but I also donít want her to come to me in a month when the apartment is fixed and then ask and not have anything. My mom says just drop it and I kind of agree, but then my other side says Yeah butÖ.

Sucks to me be right now.   Onlyme


  • Member
  • Posts: 3940
Re: Giving it away. Do I ask again, Etiquette question.
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2011, 10:34:39 PM »
I'd say "I'm cleaning through my house right now- let me know if you wanted anything; if not I will be selling it on Date (whenever you are planning to list it). Let her have a deadline.

My favorite blog, which discusses personal finance:


  • Work as if you were in the early days of a better nation.
  • Member
  • Posts: 6602
  • Everybody Gets Ice Cream!
Re: Giving it away. Do I ask again, Etiquette question.
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2011, 10:57:32 PM »
The only thing I can think of is, does she have a car where she could actually come get the stuff? Maybe she's embarassed to ask for further help? Maybe leave one more message asking her to call you if there is anything she wants?

After that, I'd leave off. You offered, she didn't actually accept, so do what you have to do.


  • Member
  • Posts: 773
Re: Giving it away. Do I ask again, Etiquette question.
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2011, 04:01:03 PM »
Hi All,

Thanks for the replies. I will prob see her in a few days when the group meets again.

I may say something to her especially since I just sold the TV that I would have actually given her. I just want her to realize that I'm not holding anything, as unfortunately if I don't get rid of it as I'm cleaning, things'll sit around forever.

As for a car, I know she actually has one and it would have some room, so most of the stuff I had that I think she needs, should not be a problem. She also knows that I would not be able to deliver things since my car is small (I drive a SMART Car so room is limited. But a great car overall). :)