Author Topic: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)  (Read 14615 times)

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Redneck Gravy

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2011, 12:56:57 PM »
As PP suggested - hand out the invitations with a note on them or verbally stated that you are trimming the guest list this year and to please refrain from inviting others to YOUR party.

I might ask for an rsvp so that you can get a better count - and if someone uninvited shows up, kindly and gently refuse their admittance. 

If you are inviting someone in the chorus, make certain that they understand that the chorus will NOT be performing and again, that you are trimming the guest list.

You are probably tempted to mention the unhappiness you suffered to your friends - I would try hard to refrain from doing this.  Word is bound to get out and then you, the ungrateful one, might be bad mouthed and possibly boycotted (not that it would necessarily be a bad thing).

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

I want to make sure I don't miss the update next year.

wheeitsme

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2011, 01:27:34 PM »
Quote
If you see even a hint of a ziploc bag, say "I'm sorry, you seem to be taking my food, please leave that where it is" as you guide them to the door.

I would have loved to. I'm a fluent Japanese speaker, but this was a sticky situation and I could not think of how to word it well enough not to send out shock waves....gotta preserve the 'wa' (harmony) ;D

At first I went 'round door to door, or told them about it on dog walks. I started printing up invites on my computer and putting them in mailboxes. I guess the people who quit chorus thought it was ok as they were former chorus members. I didn't expect the new ones and the ones who had quit to all come.

Japan?  That does make a difference.  What might be an acceptable response in the west, might come across very differently in the east.

I agree with others who have suggested that if you host a party next year, you return it to your walking group roots.  And perhaps a different time of year.  Next year, perhaps something in October or November.  Or have something in April or May for Cherry Blossom time?  

Then when someone (not on the invitation list) asks about it closer to Christmas you can gently let them know you have already had an event this year.  When they comment about the Chorus group you can simply say “Oh, they combined their event with mine last year, but I don’t know what they are doing this year…”

Marisol

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #17 on: January 11, 2011, 01:43:35 PM »
If nothing else, you should make your invites a little more formal next year so that it is clear that it is by invitation only and not open to all.  I would make sure to send individual invitations out to the people you want to invite.

crella

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #18 on: January 11, 2011, 05:54:54 PM »
Thank you for all the great suggestions. I'm very grateful.

Thipu1

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #19 on: January 11, 2011, 06:22:17 PM »
A while back I posted on a similar party that seemed nice but got completely out of hand.

When we first moved to Brooklyn, it seemed a nice idea to host a New Year's Day Open House.  The first one was fine with about 20 people coming in and out of the house during the hours from 11 AM to 6 PM.

We started with a brunch buffet.  There were bagels, lox, cream cheese and capers.  We also offered danish pastries, juice and fruit salad.

At about 1 PM, we changed over to the Afternoon menu.  There were plates of cold meats and cheese.  Cole slaw, potato salad and green salad with a large platter of assorted breads and condiments to make sandwiches were also available.

Later in the evening we put out pans of baked Ziti with garlic bread and more green salad.  There were also cakes, pies and cookies that guests had brought as gifts.

It was a lot of work but we were happy to do it for our friends.       

The second year, the party got larger.  We had about 40 people because, in the 19th century Brooklyn tradition, people who were invited could invite friends.  We enjoyed that because it would allow us to meet new people.

The third year things got completely out of control.  Friends brought friends of friends of friends.  We had almost 80 people in and out of the house during the party.  Many of them I had never seen before and many of them I never actually saw.  Mr. Thipu received complaints about the grumpy servant in the kitchen. 

The grumpy servant was me, the Hostess!  I never got to sit down with my guests and, when we were doing the clean-up, I found several nice little decorative objects were missing from our living room.  I guess that gives a whole new meaning to 'hostess gifts'.

After that debacle we decided not to host a New Year's Day Open House again.



 

 

Lynda_34

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2011, 02:35:57 PM »
It always amazes me how people can take advantage of a party.

I would pay a call on whomever hijacked your party with the announcements etc and let her know in no uncertain terms she and her ziploc friends are not welcome to your party.  That if she feels it necessary to have a party for the chorus you would be happy to cater it at 25 per person otherwise your open house has nothing to do with the chorus.

You can do this in August or September to give her time to cool down.  This can be followed by written invitations which would be carefully worded so that friends of friends aren't welcome.

Create a guest list, find a few students who attend a culinary institute to check people at the door and replenish dishes and give them a spatula so they can rap knuckles (just kidding) but they can also be the ziploc police.

Hanna

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #21 on: January 15, 2011, 02:55:52 PM »
Instead of skipping it, perhaps you could change it up this year?  Instead of a coffee, have a small brunch or a cocktail hour?  That way could could honestly say, "Oh, I am not doing the coffee/concert this year" but still have people you like and want to come.
I like this suggestion.

Crella, welcome to ehell and thank you for the interesting first thread!

Are you in Japan? 

Lisbeth

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #22 on: January 15, 2011, 02:59:24 PM »
Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry this happened.  I realize you felt put on the spot last year by these people taking over.

If you'd like to do an event with them again, you can make clear what your expectations are and let the offenders know that what they did wasn't okay, whatever their intentions were, and you are in charge and they need to respect that.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
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crella

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #23 on: January 15, 2011, 05:19:23 PM »
Thipu 1 , that's terrible. I'm horrified that they took things from your home! I feel for you.

Lynda34, hiring someone to do the coffee and keep an eye on the food would be a great idea. I'm a easy-going person, but all this was just too much.

KeenReader, Thank you. Yes, I'm in Japan, been here almost 31 years (that shocks me-where did the time go?).
« Last Edit: January 15, 2011, 05:22:35 PM by crella »

bopper

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2011, 05:44:59 PM »
I would just invite those who you want to invite, and tell them that you want to get back to your original idea of a Christmas Coffee amongst a few friends...last years party was just too big.  The chorus was lovely, but just too much for a little coffee get together but perhaps they could perform at the local Senior Home as they were just wonderful.

Animala

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2011, 06:03:22 PM »
I really like the recreating the event idea.  I would also emphasize that there will be no entertainment because it sounds like the choir group really don't consider themselves guests.

doodlemor

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #26 on: March 01, 2012, 10:45:44 PM »
This was quite a story, crella.  Do you have an update for Christmas 2011?

crella

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #27 on: March 02, 2012, 09:29:15 AM »
I became a grandmother last June, was elected to the neighborhood Board of Directors, and have been cleaning out DH's parent's home as his mother has gone into care. My mother's health is also not so good, so last year was a carousel of: go to Tokyo, see baby-go to the US, see mother-come back dig in the garages and attic-back to Tokyo to see/watch baby-go to the US......while serving on the Board. I didn't have the neighborhood party, but what was wonderful is that on Dec. 23-25 our son and his wife suddenly were able to get vacation and come visit us, so I had my brother and his wife over and we had a nice, nice, family Christmas.

I made two kinds of cookies and a French coffee cake, roast beef and veggies and home made bread, wine flowed freely, we had a wonderful time. I'm thinking I'll wait one more year and then maybe start again. There are people I would love to have over. I just have to avoid the trouble makers.


Redneck Gravy

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #28 on: March 02, 2012, 12:05:44 PM »
Congratulations on your lovely Christmas!

crella

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Re: The Christmas Party Conundrum-Long (It's been simmering a while)
« Reply #29 on: March 02, 2012, 04:05:31 PM »
Thank you, it really was nice.