Author Topic: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?  (Read 5352 times)

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princess91765

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Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« on: January 13, 2011, 08:22:49 PM »
Hello all!

My DH and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary next month. We got married in a private ceremony and never had a reception because we wanted to save money for buying a home and furniture, etc.

We were thinking it might be nice to throw a small dinner party at a restaurant for our close friends and family to celebrate our anniversary with us.

We do not expect any type of gifts at all and will be paying for everyone's dinner if we do this.

Would this be considered a faux-pas?

MsMarjorie

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2011, 01:13:34 AM »
I have no advice for you sorry princess91765, but I want to know what other people think as I'm also wanting to throw an anniversary party.

My thinking was that it would be okay - technically you'd be throwing the party for your DH and he'd be throwing one for you - just at the same time :).

PurpleFrog

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2011, 03:46:28 AM »
Congratultions to both of you.

As anniversary partys are, I believe, not usually considered gift giving occasions than it is find to host them. There may be regional differences though, so other may give you more pertinent answers.

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QueenofAllThings

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2011, 07:22:39 AM »
Basically, you're just having a dinner party - sounds OK to me!

Hmmmmm

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2011, 02:25:30 PM »
I think hosting an anniversary party is fine.  People will bring gifts if they want.  I put anniversar parties in the same category as house warmings.  I wouldn't expect anyone else to host a house warming party or an anniversary party for us.  And people are more likely to bring small gifts to a house warming than they are a anniversary party. 

I think the fear of seeming gift grabby can go too far.  If people feel obligated to give a gift for an anniversary party and they resent it, then they can decline the invite. 

kingsrings

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2011, 07:04:26 PM »
I've heard of people hosting their own anniversary party many times, nothing wrong with it I think. It seems to always be either the couple or their family members hosting anniversary parties.

boxy

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2011, 08:47:13 PM »
We hosted our own 30th wedding anniversary party just this last October.  It was an absolute hit.  I think we had about 80 people in attendance.

On our invitations we made sure to tell people no gifts, no money, no screaming kids.  I was a little concerned about the "no screaming kids" part but the feedback was all positive with people saying they chuckled over it.

We held the party in an atrium at a local church and served a buffet that we provided.  Nothing fancy just nice things from Costco and we sprung for a few dishes from an Italian restaurant.  We had a pretty good spread.

To make it even more fun and different (after requesting attendees not bring gifts) we actually gave out presents!  This was something I really wanted to do and had been buying gifties over the past few months.  No one expected to receive a gift at our anniversary party.  The loved it!  We played a massive group game that had people laughing their heads off and interspersed would ask random questions and when answered correctly would give the responder a present.  We had enough that pretty much everyone walked away with something. 

It made me feel great for giving instead of getting. 

The experience was so positive that I'm actually thinking about doing it again in 5 years!

shhh its me

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2011, 09:43:45 PM »
   I think you are allowed to host your own anniversary party , it's not a gift giving occasion on the level of weddings , birthday or showers. People might bring gifts but the tend to be small, kids or parents sometimes give big gifts(like second honeymoons).

princess91765

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #8 on: January 17, 2011, 06:08:15 PM »
Thanks for the replies, everyone. I was worried, because I always see other posts where people are told it is rude to throw yourself a party if you are the guest of honor, but this seemed different to me because it is not a gift giving occasion.

gellchom

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Re: Rude to host one's own Anniversary Party?
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2011, 11:55:53 PM »
We gave a party a few years ago for our 25th anniversary and my 50th birthday (they were 3 weeks apart).  Notwithstanding the rule of etiquette not to mention gifts in any way, not even "no gifts, please," on an invitation, we did it anyway.  We know the rule, and I agree with it, but it was not only an attempt not to seem gift-grabby, it is definitely the convention in our community in the last few years.  People do often give parties for their own anniversaries and their own (or usually their spouse's) major birthdays, and they ALWAYS put "no gifts, please" on the invitation.  It's against the rule, but it's nearly universal here lately, so we did it.

And what happened was exactly what we knew would happen: most people brought nothing, and some brought a little gift (bottle of wine, candy, etc.) like you might for any party.  Our very closest friends gave us bigger (mostly group) gifts -- but they would have anyway, for the big milestone, even if there had been no party, because that's how we all do for each other.  It's always dangerous to say, "I am sure no one was offended" (no, you're not, really, especially if you are just relying on not hearing about it), but I can say that judging from who gave us gifts and who didn't, no one did anything different than they would have done had it just been a no-occasion party.

If we hadn't put "no gifts, please" on the invitation?  I can only guess, but I imagine that maybe more people would have brought some kind of gift, but even then it would have been small things -- picture frame, book, plant, charitable donation, etc. -- that are pretty much hostess-gift size stuff.  That is what happened when we had parties for our 40th birthdays, before "no gifts, please" got to be the norm.

So I don't think you have anything to worry about.  Just know your audience and remember that people will base their expectations of what to do on what is the norm in YOUR community, not ours.