Staying silent not working - but don't know what to say!

[Darcy]

(((hugs))) all around.  I think you can be excused for your rudeness considering the circumstances.  I really wouldn't even consider it rudeness, with what K said.

[missmolly]

Nellop, I can't cast you in the fires of e-hell because in your shoes, I know my patience would have run out long before yours did.

Ideally K would be swiftly ejected from your circle of friends, but if others insist on having her around, then they ought to have a few terse words with her. I'd say that she'll probably scoff away anything you or O say.

[Shotochick]

Nope - no fires....ok, it wasnt the best reaction, but maybe its the only one that will sink in with her.

That said - how did she react? How did the other people react? Juicy gossipy bits please!!

PS: I am sorry your ex was such a jerk to you...there is a special spot in a warm place reserved just for people like him. May you live a long and happy life just to spite him

[Poirot]

((((Nellop)))) A quick trip to the fires for you with swift release for good behavior. K however, gets a long sentance for insensitivity and petty meanness. I POD everyone who said your reaction is totally understandable under the circumstances. My thoughts and prayers for O and O's mom as well.

[Nellop]

I was at 'O's house today. She's doing good and we had a lovely chat. I am loving getting to hang out with her. Eeeeee ^_^

We were discussing K at length (I say discussing, we were leaning more towards the female dog - ing).
There is a definite divide in our friendship group, between those who will no longer put up with K, and those who really like her and wont see what she is like.
Alas, the ones who like K stick up for her, and while its good to know that I have fiercely loyal friends, I can't help but feel that their loyalty is misdirected. These friends are also ones who are still at university or travelling and don't see K that often. She is very nicey nicey to those people too.

Juicy gossip bits for Shotochick - after I had stopped the shouting (even I need to breathe sometimes) K looked VERY shocked and tried to tell me it was a joke. I suggested a place for her to shove her jokes, and stomped off with O. O was shocked too, but she was pleased that someone had finally said something, because K is a digger, and she'd been making digs at people for some time.
The other people are a mixed bag of those who do not want to get involved, and those who have congratulated me on my brief descent into EHell.

[Nellop]

Ok - so this is off topic but I LOVE the people here. You give me warm fuzzies. I adore polite people with a burning passion.
J'adore EHellions ^_^

[Animala]

Oh that good old "I was just joking" line that gives her the ability to say anything or hurt anyone 'cause it's all just a joke. 

[Shoo]

I'm one who believes there is a time and a place for polite, and then there's a time and place for telling it like it is.  I don't know where that belief falls etiquettely, but I'd like to believe that etiquette allows for really awful people to be told off when it's necessary.  I haven't read such a rule, but maybe there should be one.

[Deetee]

Alas, the ones who like K stick up for her, and while its good to know that I have fiercely loyal friends, I can't help but feel that their loyalty is misdirected. These friends are also ones who are still at university or travelling and don't see K that often. She is very nicey nicey to those people too.

In your friends defence, it sounds like they haven't observed her in action and rarely see her, so I wouldn't call that full on blind loyalty. Just they haven't seen her yet loyalty.

Feel free to refuse to socialise with her. Sounds like some people would be happy with that. Maybe not the full cut direct but an apologetic "I really don't have anything to say to you, sorry but I have to go floss my plants."

[missmolly]

Oh that good old "I was just joking" line that gives her the ability to say anything or hurt anyone 'cause it's all just a joke. 

My cousin's response to one of these protestations was: "Perhaps you should leave comedy to the professionals then, because your idea of a joke is my idea of an insult".

[iradney]

Oh that good old "I was just joking" line that gives her the ability to say anything or hurt anyone 'cause it's all just a joke. 

Ugh, people like that really grate my carrot!

Nellop, I have to applaud you on your restraint with K. TTO lost his mother end of '09 to cancer, and if someone had said what she had said, I strongly suspect that I would have slapped them.

I'm also keeping O in my thoughts, FWIW.

[sammycat]

I'm one who believes there is a time and a place for polite, and then there's a time and place for telling it like it is.  I don't know where that belief falls etiquettely, but I'd like to believe that etiquette allows for really awful people to be told off when it's necessary.  I haven't read such a rule, but maybe there should be one.

I'm another who thinks this.

[Otterpop]

I agree too.  K should have been told-off in front of everybody.  Comments like that are unforgivable and "I'm joking" doesn't make up for it.  The outburst may divide the groups loyalties (most narcissists have their followers) but at least you'll know who is worth keeping as a friend.  Thank you for standing up for O and hugs to you for your broken engagement.

[toontownnutter]

Oh that good old "I was just joking" line that gives her the ability to say anything or hurt anyone 'cause it's all just a joke. 

It's not a joke if nobody laughs at it.

[ShadowLady]

I'm sorry that happened to you and your friend.

But I'm not quite going to give you a free pass, I'm going to give you 'homework'.  Work on things to say to her again if you see her, and practice saying it politely (coldly polite is fine).

Feel free to refuse to socialise with her. Sounds like some people would be happy with that. Maybe not the full cut direct but an apologetic "I really don't have anything to say to you, sorry but I have to go floss my plants."

What DeeTee suggests is good, or other things similar.  But you will need to practice them, either to a mirror, or to a friend, so that when you are confronted with 'K', then it will come out smoothly, and you won't have to fumble to remember what you were going to say.