Author Topic: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?  (Read 9158 times)

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Shoo

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When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« on: January 16, 2011, 01:35:47 PM »
I haven't ever seen this topic discussed before, but if it has been, I apologize.

There are many threads I would like to respond in, but don't for the simple fact that there are one or two posters in them who apparently feel like they need to rebut every single other post that doesn't agree with them.

It seems to me that after someone has made their point, stated their opinion, and there is absolutely no doubt about what they think, they need to stop rebutting every post that doesn't line up with them.

I try to read through every thread before I post in it, but honestly?  I just give up about half way through a lot of them because the same poster(s) come back time after time after time after time to say the same thing over and over, as if repeating it to infinity will magically make everyone else agree with them.

I think that this is rude behavior for an etiquette forum, but to give them the benefit of the doubt, I also (hope) think they just don't realize how they're coming across.

Maybe I'm wrong headed on this wrong.  But I believe there comes a point where your point has been made, everyone's aware of it, so it's time to stop trying to persuade everyone else that you're right.

DangerMouth

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2011, 01:47:52 PM »
It's an endurance thing :D

Sometimes people just want to have the last word, and when you have 2 or more of these, you can get a lot of intense back and forth. And sometimes people just bug you, and may get under your skin to the point where you can't let that last bit of nonsense pass unchallenged. (all 'you's general, of course ;))

Somethimes, I think it's pretty instructive to see how people who vehemently disagree, can continue to do so politely.

JMO, of course. And that's another thing. It seems like most of these wouldn't be quite such an issue if people were more careful to say, IME, IMO, etc. It's the sweeping proculation that "My opinion is the correct one" that gets people's hackles up, IME :)

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2011, 01:56:15 PM »
I think in a discussion it's important to comment on many people's ideas and thoughts, personally. Everyone has a slightly different perspective, after all. 

If it's one person repeating the same sentence over and over, that's one thing, and I agree it gets annoying pretty quickly.  But if they're taking into consideration the opinion they are responding to, and offering additional analysis or reasoning, or even responding to that (slightly different) differring analysis, then I dont really have a problem with it.

I think sometimes posters have a difficult time telling the difference between the two, imo, based on my reading of some of the threads. 

I think if you have a probelem with reasoned debate, even intense or back-and-forth debate, you really shouldnt be posting on a discussion forum, kwim?
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Lisbeth

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2011, 01:57:28 PM »
It's IMO a hazard of any group, especially one where "debate" is encouraged, that there are going to be situations where there are holdouts or people trying to get in the last word. Some people are argumentative by nature.

I don't think disagreeing in itself is rude, but. here in this forum, it's up to the moderators to decide if someone's being rude, and I don't think they're going to make that decision based on the fact that the poster in question has a very small minority opinion.
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Shoo

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2011, 02:10:32 PM »
They may have the majority opinion.  I'm not sure it matters which side of the discussion they're on, really.

I just know that I won't even join in the discussion if I see that one or two posters are inserting themselves into every other single post.  I mean, I want to know what others think, of course!  But if I already know what someone thinks, do I really have to read about it 15 or 20 more times?

Maybe it's not rude, and it's just a personal peeve of mine.

DangerMouth

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2011, 02:29:49 PM »
They may have the majority opinion.  I'm not sure it matters which side of the discussion they're on, really.

I just know that I won't even join in the discussion if I see that one or two posters are inserting themselves into every other single post.  I mean, I want to know what others think, of course!  But if I already know what someone thinks, do I really have to read about it 15 or 20 more times?

Maybe it's not rude, and it's just a personal peeve of mine.

Sometimes I pretend I have an 'ignore this poster' button, and just skip that person's posts :)

aventurine

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2011, 02:36:15 PM »
FWIW, Shoo, I know what you're talking about, and I agree.  It's so tedious.  I'm not an argumentative person, and I find these "debates" tiresome once they go past the point of instruction and devolve into posters bludgeoning each other with their opinion.  But that's my issue and I own it.  I just kind of skim them, going blah-blah-blah to myself.  

I know it's the nature of the beast on this type of forum, but IMO, it never hurts to throw this perspective out there.  Maybe someone will recognize themselves and realize that, though this is not wrong or rude, it can be irksome to others.  Knowledge is never a bad thing, even if one chooses not to act on it.  




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Millionaire Maria

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2011, 02:40:01 PM »
Shoo, I know exactly what you're getting at. I don't know if it's rude, but it definitely is a pet peeve of mine as well. It almost automatically makes me lose all respect for that poster. The need to have the last word is something that I find incredibly immature.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

TurtleDove

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2011, 02:58:01 PM »
Sometimes it seems the "problem" is that certain posters are "called out" and therefore feel they need to respond to the posts that specifically are specifically geared to the poster rather than the concept.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2011, 03:20:47 PM »
Sometimes it seems the "problem" is that certain posters are "called out" and therefore feel they need to respond to the posts that specifically are specifically geared to the poster rather than the concept.

I think that this does happen sometimes, but that still doesn't change the fact that there comes a time that they should just let it go. Continuing to respond generally leads the thread off track anyway and I think that can be really rude, particularly to the OP, who's situation is then not being addressed. That doesn't mean that the other posters who continue to nit pick aren't being rude as well, but it also doesn't excuse the over zealous poster's behavior.

There are two threads in particular that I'm reminded of because of this topic. One of them I actually went back and checked. The guilty poster (who was not the OP) posted 35 times. The entire thread was 143 posts long. The posts did not answer the OP's question, but instead, focused on how other posters should feel about the situation.

The second thread that comes to mind is one in which a certain popular media was being discussed. One poster could not walk away without trying to convince everyone how horrified we should be at the creator of this media. This thread was several years ago, and yet, everytime I see that member's posts, I can't help but roll my eyes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think it's rude to derail the thread, particularly if it's over some minor detail. But even if the over zealous posting doesn't derail the thread, it may cause other members to lose respect for you.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

Scuba_Dog

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2011, 03:24:33 PM »
They may have the majority opinion.  I'm not sure it matters which side of the discussion they're on, really.

I just know that I won't even join in the discussion if I see that one or two posters are inserting themselves into every other single post.  I mean, I want to know what others think, of course!  But if I already know what someone thinks, do I really have to read about it 15 or 20 more times?

Maybe it's not rude, and it's just a personal peeve of mine.

It's a peeve of mine also.

Especially when the person will not only continue trying to convince people but when they quote and POD everyone that might agree with them, as if we don't already know that is their opinion.  Even worse when they quote and say something like, "stands up in applause!" or something to that effect.  I can't imagine doing or saying something like that in a real life setting.  It seems childish, like a veiled, "oh, snap!"

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aventurine

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2011, 04:47:09 PM »
"Discussion is impossible with someone who claims not to seek the truth, but already to possess it." ~ Romain Rolland


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CrayonOutlines

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #12 on: January 16, 2011, 09:03:09 PM »
"Discussion is impossible with someone who claims not to seek the truth, but already to possess it." ~ Romain Rolland

Luh-huh-huh-hove this quote!  Thanks for sharing it, aventurine!

aventurine

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2011, 11:58:29 PM »
"Discussion is impossible with someone who claims not to seek the truth, but already to possess it." ~ Romain Rolland

Luh-huh-huh-hove this quote!  Thanks for sharing it, aventurine!

 :)  It is such a good book.




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katycoo

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #14 on: January 17, 2011, 04:57:20 AM »
I'm not sure about on this forum, but certainly on other forums, I've seen this manifest not so much out of a desire to have everyone agree with the poster, but rather that they don't think the others understand what they're saying.  If they got the angle, but disagreed, that's ok.  But its really frustrating when you can see that people just aren't getting what you're saying.