Author Topic: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?  (Read 9562 times)

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Red1979

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2011, 05:02:46 PM »
The best (or worst) is when someone totally misunderstands or misinterprets the original post or a reaction to the OP and then continues to argue for the duration of the thread on something no one ever stated or isn't remotely applicable.  Poster after poster will try to correct them, but nope, they keep arguing their same point that was completely rooted in misinformation to start with.

I'm personally infuriated by people hijacking threads and making them all about their experiences and ignoring the OP's actual background and question.  Then, they continue to post on the thread getting personally upset when people keep pointing out the differences between their background and the one that is being posted about.
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think2x

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2011, 12:49:19 PM »
I know what you're talking about, and often find myself hitting the 'ignore' button on certain posts within threads for this reason. These are posts where nothing new is added, and there is no sign of further reflection on reading opposing views since the last 'let me repeat myself' post.

There was a very recent thread where I posted twice, and wondered at the time if I was guilty of what you're describing. Since I added a further thought to elaborate on my view, I let myself off the hook- but the situation is evident enough that I actually asked myself if I was doing the "I know best" dance.

I think posters who do this are passionate and unaware of how it comes across.

ETA- But if my recent double post prompted this thread, please PM me and tell me to knock it off! (And I will  :))
« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 12:51:12 PM by think2x »

PeasNCues

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2011, 12:56:45 PM »
So... no debating when something comes up you feel strongly about?

I may be one of the guilty parties. I really, really enjoy a good polite debate and there are so few places to do that. I like the back and forth, etc, all while being respectful of the other person's opinion and self and will adhere to the "cease fire" of "let's agree to disagree."

But, if the consensus is that this is obnoxious, I will certainly stop  :-[
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Shoo

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #18 on: January 18, 2011, 12:59:05 PM »
It's not debating that I am talking about.

It's those posts that repeat the same thing over and over and over.  If someone has a strong opinion about something, that's great!  But does that person have to reiterate it to every single other poster who expresses an opinion in the thread?  Isn't it possible that those of us reading got it and understood the first time, or the first five or ten times?  It feels like being beaten over the head with it!!

Hanna

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2011, 12:59:52 PM »
So... no debating when something comes up you feel strongly about?

I may be one of the guilty parties. I really, really enjoy a good polite debate and there are so few places to do that. I like the back and forth, etc, all while being respectful of the other person's opinion and self and will adhere to the "cease fire" of "let's agree to disagree."

But, if the consensus is that this is obnoxious, I will certainly stop  :-[
Well I don't think you are obnoxious!

Ms_Shell

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #20 on: January 18, 2011, 01:01:00 PM »
My view is, if it's a topic I'm interested, of course I'm going to want to post.  If the thread devolves into a circular argument, I generally get bored and stop checking for updates anyway, so no harm, no foul.

I agree with PeasNCues - I enjoy a good debate way too much to stop it completely.
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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #21 on: January 18, 2011, 01:06:24 PM »
I don't know- I've participated in threads that have gone several pages, reiterating my point. I've also had people PM me their thanks for taking up the discussion (and I've done the same to others). One example-anyone remember the thread about the dad that let his sister do chiropractic adjustments on his baby and the mother was opposed to it?

I think it can be a slippery slope on how one defines "saying the same things over and over" and "continuing the discussion. I also think this thread sounds a lot like that recent spate of "I don't like how these posters post. It's a peeve of mine and we shouldn't do it" even though it was phrased as a question. I don't think we can really control how long a discussion goes on-the mods dothat by locking circular threads.

eTA: the mods have repeatedly said if a poster bothers you, put them on mental ignore. Simply don't respond to their posts to you or others.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 01:09:29 PM by DigitalPumpkin46 »
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bobsyouruncle

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2011, 01:15:09 PM »
I think it can be hard to figure out.  I was scolded in a thread recently for "rehashing" things (by a poster who hadn't been part of the conversation until that point in time)when I tried to reword what I was thinking because I it was obvious (to me ;)) that what I was saying was being misinterpreted by the person who had been posting back and forth with me, and in my final post I was actually answering a specific question that was asked of me - actually when the poster I had been debating with read that post they then DID thank me for the clarification because we were actually mostly in agreement!!

Would it have been better for me to just stop posting? I don't know but I was really glad I did keep posting when the other poster "got it" and we realized we were pretty much in agreement.

think2x

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2011, 01:30:03 PM »
I think it can be hard to figure out.  I was scolded in a thread recently for "rehashing" things (by a poster who hadn't been part of the conversation until that point in time)when I tried to reword what I was thinking because I it was obvious (to me ;)) that what I was saying was being misinterpreted by the person who had been posting back and forth with me, and in my final post I was actually answering a specific question that was asked of me - actually when the poster I had been debating with read that post they then DID thank me for the clarification because we were actually mostly in agreement!!

Would it have been better for me to just stop posting? I don't know but I was really glad I did keep posting when the other poster "got it" and we realized we were pretty much in agreement.



You were having a give-and-take with someone.  Correct me if I'm wrong, Shoo, but I think OP is referring to those posts that basically say "You are correct" to all the posters in agreement, or re-post the original position to those that do not agree- or, worse, saying they are wrong. There is no give and take discussion or debate, just statements of conclusion.

PeasNCues

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2011, 01:36:31 PM »
Okay, so debating is okay but making the same basic statement over and over without addressing questions/rebuttals is not?
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Brentwood

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #25 on: January 18, 2011, 01:39:07 PM »
It seems like most of these wouldn't be quite such an issue if people were more careful to say, IME, IMO, etc. It's the sweeping proculation that "My opinion is the correct one" that gets people's hackles up, IME :)

Well...if I'm saying something that's obviously a matter of opinion rather than fact, it's pretty clearly implied that what I'm saying is my opinion. If it weren't, I wouldn't be saying it. ;)

Shoo

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #26 on: January 18, 2011, 02:03:42 PM »
Okay, so debating is okay but making the same basic statement over and over without addressing questions/rebuttals is not?

It's not up to me to say what's okay and what's not.  I'm merely expressing my opinion.  I choose to not post in threads where posters (usually it's just one or two at a time) refuse to allow anyone else to have an opinion without rebutting it.  Drives me nuts!

blue2000

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #27 on: January 18, 2011, 02:14:14 PM »
Okay, so debating is okay but making the same basic statement over and over without addressing questions/rebuttals is not?

IMO ;) yes, that would be it. Having a back-and-forth discussion, versus beating people over the head with your opinion and only yours.

I'd hate to think we couldn't debate, even though I've had to bite my tongue a few times myself to keep from getting too worked up. :-[
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aventurine

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #28 on: January 18, 2011, 02:23:24 PM »
Okay, so debating is okay but making the same basic statement over and over without addressing questions/rebuttals is not?

IMO ;) yes, that would be it. Having a back-and-forth discussion, versus beating people over the head with your opinion and only yours.

I'd hate to think we couldn't debate, even though I've had to bite my tongue a few times myself to keep from getting too worked up. :-[

ITA.  Even though I rarely participate, I love to witness/read a good, thoughtful, reasoned debate, but the bolded (which is what I understood Shoo to be posting about in her OP) is tiresome and unproductive.  That's not a debate, that's beating a dead horse, which I don't think anyone would enjoy. 

It can be a fine line, and it's one of those "I know it when I see it" deals, for me, anyway.

Debate away, debators!  I've learned a lot from those!




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hobish

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Re: When should a poster STOP trying to convince everyone else?
« Reply #29 on: January 18, 2011, 02:30:24 PM »
I'm not sure about on this forum, but certainly on other forums, I've seen this manifest not so much out of a desire to have everyone agree with the poster, but rather that they don't think the others understand what they're saying.  If they got the angle, but disagreed, that's ok.  But its really frustrating when you can see that people just aren't getting what you're saying.

I think that happends frequently.

I also use the mental "ignore" button. It's even more handy than a real ignore button, sometimes.


It seems like most of these wouldn't be quite such an issue if people were more careful to say, IME, IMO, etc. It's the sweeping proculation that "My opinion is the correct one" that gets people's hackles up, IME :)

Well...if I'm saying something that's obviously a matter of opinion rather than fact, it's pretty clearly implied that what I'm saying is my opinion. If it weren't, I wouldn't be saying it. ;)

You would think so, wouldn't you? Try expressing your opinion by saying "Twilight is garbage," or "Sex and the City is stupid," or even "Onions are tasty," and see how that works out.  :P One of those in particular sparked a whole debate about exactly that; it got so out of hand it was locked. People couldn't accept that some statements are opinions no matter if you say, "I think..." or "IMO" or not.

...and then come back and beat it like a dead horse.


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