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Author Topic: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL  (Read 8435 times)

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LeveeWoman

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #15 on: January 18, 2011, 09:34:11 PM »
If I had a dime for every post I've read here and elsewhere on the Internet about people asking about the state of a woman's uterus, I'd be rich enough to hire a pilot to write across the entire global sky this message: THE STATE OF MY UTERUS IS NOT YOUR CONCERN.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2011, 09:54:16 PM »
"The more pressured I feel to have kids, the less I want them."

blarg314

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2011, 10:02:29 PM »

One step is to totally cut your MIL off from any information about your family planning. So you don't talk about your indecision anymore, or anything related to timelines.

The next would be to make a mutual decision with your DH to cut your MIL off when she starts, firmly and aggressively. You tell her once, firmly and clearly, that you will not discuss your family planning with her any more, and you won't listen when she brings it up.

Then you show her you mean it. If she brings it up on the phone, you say "I told you I'm not discussing that". If she persists, you say "Gotta go, bye" and hang up. If it's at her home it's "Time to leave". If it's at your home you physically leave the room. If she posts comments on your Facebook account you delete them. If she posts on hers, you block yourself from seeing her comments.

Basically, you train her that every time she brings up babies, she gets left alone, but if she behaves she has a friendly son and DIL. Give it enough time and she will either get it, or you either won't be speaking to her at all. And if she can't modify her behaviour at all, then some distance is probably good if you do have kids, because she's not likely to respect you as parents either.

Deetee

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #18 on: January 18, 2011, 10:18:58 PM »
"Every time I get asked, I add another month to the wait time. Right now we're looking at the 20th of Octoer 2345"

penguinpants

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2011, 10:27:31 PM »
A blank, wide-eyed stare to accompany: "But . . . where do babies come from???"
Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable. -- Jane Austen

moonstruckSue

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2011, 10:30:37 AM »
I normally support the "babies = scrabble" method, it got my mom off my back, but only after I moved into details.

She was fine with generic "i suppose we could play more scrabble" but when I said "well, as long as I don't have to be upside down this time, or use the red nightie...." and she backed off very quickly, LOL!

BUT, BE AWARE. My MIL (crazy with a capital CRA) took this turn of conversation as the jumping off to point to tell us about my DH's conception, as well as his brother. And both of their births and then all her thoughts on, um, Marital Congress.

So, in the moment it worked (we did stop talking about babies) but now I know waaaay more about my MIL than I ever wanted....

So be careful, it can backfire!

dman

  • Alas, my children! This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost...
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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #21 on: January 19, 2011, 03:10:14 PM »
If she is itching to knit, suggest she make items for the preemies at the local hospital.


POD
My DD1 was a preemie.  There were 2 ladies that knit & sewed for the preemies & she got a beautiful teeny tiny hat and a teeny little Christmas outfit (she was born Dec 23) I still have them & they mean a lot to me.

magiccat26

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #22 on: January 19, 2011, 03:29:38 PM »
I normally support the "babies = scrabble" method, it got my mom off my back, but only after I moved into details.

She was fine with generic "i suppose we could play more scrabble" but when I said "well, as long as I don't have to be upside down this time, or use the red nightie...." and she backed off very quickly, LOL!

BUT, BE AWARE. My MIL (crazy with a capital CRA) took this turn of conversation as the jumping off to point to tell us about my DH's conception, as well as his brother. And both of their births and then all her thoughts on, um, Marital Congress.

So, in the moment it worked (we did stop talking about babies) but now I know waaaay more about my MIL than I ever wanted....

So be careful, it can backfire!


MoonStruckSue, your MIL is the tap dancing queen, right?

OP, honestly, there is no "good" way to do this.  My MIL is a nice enough woman, but she has no problems with talking about babies or "scrabble".  I myself have only found that the Silent Stare (TM) + bean dipping after the silence gets awkward seems to work.

Good Luck!
“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” — Catherine Aird

CeeBee

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #23 on: January 19, 2011, 06:37:29 PM »
If I had a dime for every post I've read here and elsewhere on the Internet about people asking about the state of a woman's uterus, I'd be rich enough to hire a pilot to write across the entire global sky this message: THE STATE OF MY UTERUS IS NOT YOUR CONCERN.


Or get T-shirts printed up and start handing them out to nosy MIL's...

Me, I'd start by spending less time with her. If she asks why, tell her the truth. "MIL, every time we're together, all you talk about is babies. More specifically, about DH and I having a baby. I know you want to be a grandma very much, but I'm not ready to be a parent yet and it really hurts that you don't seem to have any interest in *me*, other than as a brood mare to give *you* a grandchild. You are constantly pressuring me to have a child I am not ready for, I don't like it and you have to stop. Right now." Then burst into tears and run out of the room.

I bet she'll shut up after that.

Yeah, or get DH to tell her that HE isn't ready to have a child yet so she should just stop talking about it.


I get a little bit of this from DF's mother. She brought up wanting grandbabies again last week on my birthday. I said "Sure, Jane, after the wedding (which is nearly 2 years away still) and only if it means I get free babysitting whenever I want. Or one of your FOUR daughters gets knocked up in the meantime..."
Since they are quite devout Catholics, she changed the subject pretty quick.
There is no tetanus shot for when reality bites you in the bottom...

supernova

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #24 on: January 19, 2011, 07:19:26 PM »
Cut straight to "burst into tears and leave the room."

Do this 2 or 3 times in a row, and there shouldn't be a 4th time.

Passive-aggressive?  Maybe.  Effective?  Quite often.

     - saphie

LeveeWoman

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #25 on: January 19, 2011, 07:28:10 PM »
If I had a dime for every post I've read here and elsewhere on the Internet about people asking about the state of a woman's uterus, I'd be rich enough to hire a pilot to write across the entire global sky this message: THE STATE OF MY UTERUS IS NOT YOUR CONCERN.


Or get T-shirts printed up and start handing them out to nosy MIL's...

Me, I'd start by spending less time with her. If she asks why, tell her the truth. "MIL, every time we're together, all you talk about is babies. More specifically, about DH and I having a baby. I know you want to be a grandma very much, but I'm not ready to be a parent yet and it really hurts that you don't seem to have any interest in *me*, other than as a brood mare to give *you* a grandchild. You are constantly pressuring me to have a child I am not ready for, I don't like it and you have to stop. Right now." Then burst into tears and run out of the room.

I bet she'll shut up after that.

Yeah, or get DH to tell her that HE isn't ready to have a child yet so she should just stop talking about it.


I get a little bit of this from DF's mother. She brought up wanting grandbabies again last week on my birthday. I said "Sure, Jane, after the wedding (which is nearly 2 years away still) and only if it means I get free babysitting whenever I want. Or one of your FOUR daughters gets knocked up in the meantime..."
Since they are quite devout Catholics, she changed the subject pretty quick.

Or, T-shirts for pregnant woment with the phrase: DON'T TOUCH THE BUMP!

CeeBee

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #26 on: January 19, 2011, 08:05:53 PM »

Or, T-shirts for pregnant woment with the phrase: DON'T TOUCH THE BUMP!



H'mmm, lets run with this for a second. How about THIS IS NOT A BABY. THIS IS AN ALIEN.
Or DON'T TOUCH ME. THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP LIKE THIS.
MY WOMB, NOT YOURS.
Or just print a snarling wolverine in full attack mode with lots of claws and teeth right across the tummy.

Back to your regularly scheduled thread...

There is no tetanus shot for when reality bites you in the bottom...

StarDrifter

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2011, 10:46:04 PM »
Have a look at these for ideas...

http://www.cafepress.com.au/evilgeniusstore/1993389

I keep telling Ace that the minute I know I'm pregnant I'm going to order at least three or four t-shirts off this site... especially the ones about touching the belly!

As far as MIL dropping 'hints' about a baby... ask her why doesn't she just have one of her own if she wants a baby around? That stopped my mother pretty quick when she kept going goo-goo over baby cousins then giving me meaningful looks - I asked if she was considering having one of her own!
... it might frighten them.
Victoria,

mimi-coyote

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2011, 12:34:13 AM »
"MIL, if you want a baby, there are lots of foster children and infants just waiting for good home. And you'd be so good at that! In fact...!" and go on and on and on about the joys of fostering and how older people make the best foster parents and make up statistics. If you are good at BS-ing, this can go on forever. And she will quickly get bored.

 And maybe you'll convince her to be a foster mom to a needy kid! :)

 But really, it's just the behavior modification like everyone's been saying. But from previous posts, I think we can see that talking about scrabble sometimes backfires. So maybe this will work!

moonstruckSue

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Re: Sick of pregnancy "hints" from MIL
« Reply #29 on: January 20, 2011, 11:44:15 PM »
I normally support the "babies = scrabble" method, it got my mom off my back, but only after I moved into details.

She was fine with generic "i suppose we could play more scrabble" but when I said "well, as long as I don't have to be upside down this time, or use the red nightie...." and she backed off very quickly, LOL!

BUT, BE AWARE. My MIL (crazy with a capital CRA) took this turn of conversation as the jumping off to point to tell us about my DH's conception, as well as his brother. And both of their births and then all her thoughts on, um, Marital Congress.

So, in the moment it worked (we did stop talking about babies) but now I know waaaay more about my MIL than I ever wanted....

So be careful, it can backfire!


MoonStruckSue, your MIL is the tap dancing queen, right?


OP, honestly, there is no "good" way to do this.  My MIL is a nice enough woman, but she has no problems with talking about babies or "scrabble".  I myself have only found that the Silent Stare (TM) + bean dipping after the silence gets awkward seems to work.

Good Luck!

Yes Magiccat - the very same!
You just never know what's going to come out when you talk to her....*sigh*