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Author Topic: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30  (Read 118608 times)

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artisticgal

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Morning!

There’s a pre-teen at the barn where I board my mare, Caly. Caly has been begging me to let her ride my mare, and it’s been an extremely firm no. She’s gotten really persistent with her request and I’ve been bean dipping the firm no. And I’ve also told the barn manager Diane and she told the other instructors/groom that works at the barn that Caly is not allowed to ride my mare. She’s got her own horse and rides him and also takes lessons from both an instructor at the barn and another instructor who comes 2 times a week to give her jumping lessons.  Her horse is currently laid up with an injury for a few weeks and she’s been using a lesson horse for her lessons and to go trail riding with her mom Lisa. Lisa knows about Caly’s begging me to ride and has told her daughter that she is not allowed to ride my mare.  Diane or someone else is always at the barn so there’s no Caly trying to sneak my mare out for a ride as she would be spotted.

Yesterday there was a horse show at another barn that Diane and Terry one of the riding instructors attended leaving Ashleigh one of the other instructors at the barn with Megan, Terry’s daughter who also works at the barn. Caly’s outside riding instructor, Jack, came over to give her her jumping lesson. Lisa had dropped Caly off at the barn since she had an appt. and couldn’t stay to watch the lesson.  Caly decided to saddle up my mare for the lesson, figuring that since Ashleigh was in the bigger arena teaching a lesson and Megan was taking care of another horse she would not get caught. Caly rode my mare during the lesson, which involved about an hour of solid jumping and a lot of cantering. Jack, totally unaware of Caly not being allowed to ride my mare conducted the lesson in the smaller arena. After the lesson Caly cooled down the mare and put her back in her stall, got picked up by Lisa and went home. About half an hour after the lesson ended Megan finished up what she was doing and noticed my mare breathing heavily, checked it out and noticed the sweat marks where the saddle had been and called me and told me that she thought Caly had ridden the mare during her lesson as the horse she usually used had not been touched.  I’m livid.  I talked to Diane and she said she would let Lisa know about the incident. The questions I have are how do I handle Caly? I know Lisa will be livid as well, but how do I get it through Caly’s head that what she did is unacceptable? Also, is it okay for me to call Jack and let him know Caly is not to ride my mare?

Atleast my mare came through this fine, I'm having the vet take a look at her later today to make sure she's okay.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2011, 11:37:05 PM by artisticgal »
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Harriet Jones

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2011, 11:35:31 AM »
You should definitely contact Jack.  I don't know what you could say to Caly to actually get through to her.

Surianne

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2011, 11:36:37 AM »
I would talk to the barn manager about what to do.  I'd think this is something Caly should be banned from the barn for.  Completely inexcusable and dangerous.

Shoo

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2011, 11:39:36 AM »
I would that Caly be accompanied by her parent at all times, no exceptions, so that something like this never happens again.

artisticgal

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2011, 11:40:10 AM »
I spoke to Diane, the barn owner/manager and she said that she's going to talk to Lisa. She's also no longer allowing Caly to be at the barn alone. Lisa is awesome, she's really nice and is a great person. I've ridden with her and hope that she stays at the barn.

Diane will enforce the rule about Caly no longer allowed to be at the barn alone.
Wasabi is a spicy Japanese condiment best enjoyed with sushi, and never, repeat, never enjoyed alone.

Kaypeep

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2011, 11:40:16 AM »
I would talk to the barn manager about what to do.  I'd think this is something Caly should be banned from the barn for.  Completely inexcusable and dangerous.

I agree.  It's practically theft, I would imagine. You wouldn't take someone else's car for driving lessons without permission, why should it be any different than your horse.  I would have her banned or some other similar punishment. Her parents should also be made aware.  Honestly, I'd be so enraged I'd probably notify authorities and press some kind of charges, too.

Miss March

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2011, 11:52:13 AM »
Quote
I agree.  It's practically theft, I would imagine. You wouldn't take someone else's car for driving lessons without permission, why should it be any different than your horse.  I would have her banned or some other similar punishment. Her parents should also be made aware.  Honestly, I'd be so enraged I'd probably notify authorities and press some kind of charges, too.

POD!!!
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Salvage3

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2011, 11:54:59 AM »
Whether or not you like the mother, etc., I think you are being way too nice.  There needs to be consequences for Caly's actions --my hope would be at least a two or three month suspension from riding/training at the facility.  I would also hope that the mother would not allow her to ride elsewhere during this time.  

To anyone who thinks this is too harsh, please consider that it only takes one misstep to have a horse down, a leg broken and a horse that has to be destroyed.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2011, 11:55:49 AM »
I'd do this as formally as possible - I'd notify Jack/any other instructor at the barn via letter, I'd write a letter to the barn manager as well, and finally to Caly's mother (expressing your anger and disappointment).  I wouldnt just accept a "talk" about the incident, I'd want to see actual consequences (not being allowed at the barn alone is a good start - I'm assuming her mother needs to be there with her, and her mother should also feel the consequences of this in order to also enforce this at home.) 

What else would you like to see happen?
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think2x

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2011, 11:58:08 AM »
I spoke to Diane, the barn owner/manager and she said that she's going to talk to Lisa. She's also no longer allowing Caly to be at the barn alone. Lisa is awesome, she's really nice and is a great person. I've ridden with her and hope that she stays at the barn.

Diane will enforce the rule about Caly no longer allowed to be at the barn alone.

I don't blame you for being livid! It is fair that the barn wants to address this for their own safety, but I think Caly owes you something, as well. As you were clear that she was not to take your horse, she is old enough to know better, and willfuly disobeyed, I'm not sure I'd be satisfied with an apology (I don't think it could be sincere), though that may be all that's forthcoming, if anything.  I would probably take additional steps with the barn as well, regarding the security of my horse.

artisticgal

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? minor update.
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2011, 12:00:25 PM »
Whether or not you like the mother, etc., I think you are being way too nice.  There needs to be consequences for Caly's actions --my hope would be at least a two or three month suspension from riding/training at the facility.  I would also hope that the mother would not allow her to ride elsewhere during this time.  

To anyone who thinks this is too harsh, please consider that it only takes one misstep to have a horse down, a leg broken and a horse that has to be destroyed.
POD!!! That's what happened to my friend Dawn's mare, she landed a jump wrong and broke a front leg and have to be put down.

Diane just called me, she's banning Caly from riding at the barn for 90 days, Lisa's been informed and is onboard with this. Lisa's also making Caly work around the barn mucking stalls and doing other chores.
Wasabi is a spicy Japanese condiment best enjoyed with sushi, and never, repeat, never enjoyed alone.

FoxPaws

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2011, 12:02:21 PM »
I agree. It's practically theft, I would imagine. You wouldn't take someone else's car for driving lessons without permission, why should it be any different than your horse.  I would have her banned or some other similar punishment. Her parents should also be made aware.  Honestly, I'd be so enraged I'd probably notify authorities and press some kind of charges, too.
This seems unduly harsh for someone this young. Yes, she screwed up big time, but it sounds like the barn manager is on top of it and from the way the OP is describing her mother, I doubt this is going to just get swept under the rug. I don't see any reason to ruin her future over what is hopefully a one time incident.

OP, I definitely think Jack should be told. I would hope that part of Caly's punishment involves apologizing to you personally. I would let her know how upset you are and that if she ever does such a thing again, you will be looking into legal action. Will you have to pay extra for the vet visit? If so, I would ask Caly and/or Lisa to reimburse you for this. As for day to day encounters, I'd go with frosty civility. She's betrayed your trust - she needs to earn it back.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Salvage3

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2011, 12:07:40 PM »
Thanks, OP, for the update.  As one who has had to watch a horse be put down, albeit from a sheer accident, your posting just boggled my mind.  Hopefully, Caly will learn from this incident and the resulting consequences.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2011, 12:09:23 PM »
Whether or not you like the mother, etc., I think you are being way too nice.  There needs to be consequences for Caly's actions --my hope would be at least a two or three month suspension from riding/training at the facility.  I would also hope that the mother would not allow her to ride elsewhere during this time. 

To anyone who thinks this is too harsh, please consider that it only takes one misstep to have a horse down, a leg broken and a horse that has to be destroyed.
POD!!! That's what happened to my friend Dawn's mare, she landed a jump wrong and broke a front leg and have to be put down.

Diane just called me, she's banning Caly from riding at the barn for 90 days, Lisa's been informed and is onboard with this. Lisa's also making Caly work around the barn mucking stalls and doing other chores.

That's a great update - I'm glad they're taking this seriously.  I agree Caly owes you something as well -an apology to start. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Firecat

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2011, 12:11:39 PM »
I think that, to prevent future incidents, the barn should institute a policy that no one but the owner may ride any horse without written permission from the owner. And any instructor should be able to check the permissions file to see who has permission to use which horse.

Horses are expensive and suprisingly delicate animals. I'd be livid with Caly. I'm glad that there will be real consequences, and I'd be making it very clear that, should Caly go anywhere near your mare again, you'll be exploring your options. And I agree that Caly (not her mother, Caly) should be paying for any costs associated with the vet visit.