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Author Topic: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30  (Read 118665 times)

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Hanna

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2011, 01:30:23 PM »
It is terrible inconsiderate to the horse, too.
Does she even understand that?

Indigosails

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2011, 01:33:43 PM »
Along with what has already been decided, Carly needs to give you a verbal and/or written statement where she admits what she did--ride the horse knowing she was not allowed to do so. She needs to state she understands it was the wrong thing to do and she knew she did not have permission. She needs to say that she will not ask you to ride the horse and she will not ride the horse. Then she needs to say she is sorry. She needs to face what she has done and accept it was wrong.

Sirius

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2011, 01:45:08 PM »
I know nothing about horses, so I'm content to let the horse people of the thread discuss this one.  I'm glad your mare is okay, OP, and I'd also be livid if I'd repeatedly told someone they couldn't do something and they did it anyway the minute my back was turned, especially involving a living, breathing animal.

Hanna

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2011, 01:49:03 PM »
Along with what has already been decided, Carly needs to give you a verbal and/or written statement where she admits what she did--ride the horse knowing she was not allowed to do so. She needs to state she understands it was the wrong thing to do and she knew she did not have permission. She needs to say that she will not ask you to ride the horse and she will not ride the horse. Then she needs to say she is sorry. She needs to face what she has done and accept it was wrong.
I like this idea.


LeveeWoman

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #34 on: January 22, 2011, 02:08:39 PM »
Maybe she should be banned from the barn entirely for 30 days, and then allowed back in only to do the mucking for 60 days.

FauxFoodist

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2011, 02:36:48 PM »
I know this might sound strange, but what if she were also required to do a research paper on horse injuries and results due to mishandling of horses (essentially, what has happened to horses as a result of what she did)?  She's a preteen, but I recall writing research papers when I was nine years old (and hating them).  If she is forced to learn about what actions like hers could have caused, it might compel her not to do it again.  I know drunk drivers are sometimes required to speak to teens (maybe teen drunk drivers?).  I wouldn't go so far as forcing her to talk to other riders her age...yet...but I think she should definitely have to do research and write a paper to the satisfaction of the OP and the other adults.

Twik

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #36 on: January 22, 2011, 02:55:43 PM »
Whether or not you like the mother, etc., I think you are being way too nice.

Agreed. A "nice" mother would drag her child over by the ear, make her apologize six ways from Sundays, and then promise you that Caly will wear an ankle bracelet, if necessary, to keep her away from your mare.

LeveeWoman's suggestion, above sounds great.
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Nurvingiel

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #37 on: January 22, 2011, 02:59:16 PM »
I would talk to the barn manager about what to do.  I'd think this is something Caly should be banned from the barn for.  Completely inexcusable and dangerous.
This. It also appears that she didn't brush/wipe down your horse properly since she was still a bit sweaty.

Caly sounds like a total git, so I agree that talking to her would be useless.

I would be ticked off at the barn for not telling Jack that Caly couldn't ride my mare, but if Caly was banned from the barn, I'd be okay with that resolution.

Edit: Switching barns yourself is a good option, if that's available to you.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2011, 03:01:54 PM by Nurvingiel »
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FauxFoodist

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #38 on: January 22, 2011, 03:03:39 PM »
I would be ticked off at the barn for not telling Jack that Caly couldn't ride my mare, but if Caly was banned from the barn, I'd be okay with that resolution.

I don't think banning her from the barn would be good enough.  I'd want to work towards encouraging her alter her behavior so such actions wouldn't be likely from her in the future.  If she's banned from the barn, she might just do it again somewhere else and cause serious harm, possibly death, to another horse.  While she's still at the OP's barn, she could be taught why her actions were so unacceptable and opt to change her behavior (essentially, learn to be mature and responsible), especially while she's still so young.

Yarnie

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #39 on: January 22, 2011, 03:05:11 PM »
I'd not only be upset at Caly, I'd be upset that the barn allowed someone who is not me to ride my horse.  Is it normal to let people just pick whatever horse they'd like?  I'm assuming you are paying boarding as well.   Part of that should be some level of security - it doesn't matter if Jack didn't know or not know - he should know which horse belongs to who, at least.

Nurvingiel

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #40 on: January 22, 2011, 03:10:36 PM »
I would be ticked off at the barn for not telling Jack that Caly couldn't ride my mare, but if Caly was banned from the barn, I'd be okay with that resolution.

I don't think banning her from the barn would be good enough.  I'd want to work towards encouraging her alter her behavior so such actions wouldn't be likely from her in the future.  If she's banned from the barn, she might just do it again somewhere else and cause serious harm, possibly death, to another horse.  While she's still at the OP's barn, she could be taught why her actions were so unacceptable and opt to change her behavior (essentially, learn to be mature and responsible), especially while she's still so young.
That's a good point. Maybe legal/criminal action is the best course.

And Yarnie's right. Why would anyone ever be allowed to ride a horse that belongs to someone else, without the owner standing right there?
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LeveeWoman

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #41 on: January 22, 2011, 03:24:23 PM »
Criminal charges against a pre-teen?

AdakAK

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #42 on: January 22, 2011, 03:31:01 PM »
Criminal charges against a pre-teen?

Who stole something?  Absolutely.  She took the OP's property not only without permission, but after being explicitly being told not to on more than one occasion.  Thankfully she was able to return her, unharmed but that wouldn't work as a defense for other items and it shouldn't here either. 

Aquamarine

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #43 on: January 22, 2011, 03:31:52 PM »
Criminal charges against a pre-teen?

I personally see no reason not to press charges and if was me in the OP's position I would do so.  The girl was not just told no once, she was repeatedly told no.  Let her talk to the police and possibly a judge.  What she did was theft and it was a situation that could have possibly ended in a disaster for both the horse and the rider, with the adults left to clean up the mess she created.

She needs to learn that there are real consequences to her actions.  As to her giving an apology, for me that would be worthless after she endangered my horse.
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mageofmyth

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle?
« Reply #44 on: January 22, 2011, 03:40:32 PM »
I would be interested to know what type of charges could be pressed against her.  Perhaps you could call the police and find out.  Even if you don't file you can tell her mother, and her, what she could be charged with.

As a former rider and barn worker, what she did was stupid and could have ended very badly for both her and the horse.  I have been at a few places and saw riders on horses that they were not experienced enough for, and it was not pretty.