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Author Topic: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30  (Read 116473 times)

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Namárië

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #555 on: February 16, 2012, 08:45:58 AM »
Fleur-de-Lis, artisticgal has said that Caly "gets it," and that she has apologized.  And Caly didn't lose her horse for a year—it was sold and is gone from her forever.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=95723.msg2332234#msg2332234

artisticgal, I'm sorry that you have to deal with the headache of taking things to legal avenues, and I hope that Twi recovers through her treatment.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2012, 08:50:06 AM by Namárië »
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Hollanda

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #556 on: February 16, 2012, 08:48:45 AM »
There was no lack of real consequence.

The girl had her riding privlidges revoked, her horse was sold, other prevlidges were revoked like playing with her friends and her computer, she had to watch some gruesome movies of accident.
She seems punished to me.



I don't recall that the girl lost computer privileges. While she may have been "shaken" by 6 hours of videos and a 15 page essay, does losing her horse for maybe a whole year and "riding is a privilege, not a right" adequately punish her for putting a horse into recovery for a year or more, and the OP's loss of use of *her* horse because of Caly's actions? The OP has had to watch her horse attempt to recover from what happened, as well as absorb a significant cost.

Has Caly ever grasped the scope of the consequences of her actions to actually apologize?

 A year may be a lifetime for a child, but no, I don't think she has been adequately punished. What she has "suffered" is nothing compared to what the OP has had to go through because of her.

It's not like damaging an inanimate object which can be replaced. She hurt another living creature so badly that the horse is still receiving Carr and treatment for the injuries she inflicted.

Caly is a child.  What more would you have done to her?

Just this. Please. Put yourself into the mindset of a 12 year old. I would say that the consequences may just have shaken her so badly that she never wants to see a horse again, let alone ride one!!!!

She is quite possibly distraught over the actions of her behaviour. My sympathies are with Twi and artisticgirl of course. I am just saying that Caly more likely than not has learnt the impact of doing something like that.

I hope sincerely that Twi recovers. XXX
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magiccat26

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #557 on: February 16, 2012, 10:48:02 AM »
Adding that this appears to have moved to legal territory, I'm guessing Caly is experiencing a big reality check.

I know if my DD did something that injured an animal AND resulted in legal action...she would be feeling the consequences for a long, long time.
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #558 on: February 16, 2012, 11:14:11 AM »
Fleur-de-Lis, artisticgal has said that Caly "gets it," and that she has apologized.  And Caly didn't lose her horse for a year—it was sold and is gone from her forever.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=95723.msg2332234#msg2332234

artisticgal, I'm sorry that you have to deal with the headache of taking things to legal avenues, and I hope that Twi recovers through her treatment.

I missed the update in the other thread.  The initial punishment was that her horse was sold, and she was told she might be permitted to earn the money to buy another one, and this thread related only an extended period after the incident during which Cali had still not apologized.

As for her being "only a child"; she was deemed mature enough to be left sufficiently unsupervised for the situation to develop.

I'm not sure I see letting herself be swayed by "it's so cruel that you can't ride" as having learned anything. Even at 12, Cali should have been able to say, "My actions led to a horse being severely injured and having its career ended; I am not allowed to ride for at least a year," rather than buying in to the "so cruel" line of thought. 

The mucking out stalls and extra year are not for her abuse of Twi, but for her disregard of the punishment she was already under.

Appropriate punishment/consequences? There can certainly be no comparable restitution.  Cali cannot lose more than the OP did, and whatever losses Cali does suffer are merely consequences of her own actions, not consequences of another's thoughtlessness. 
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lollylegs

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #559 on: February 16, 2012, 09:35:34 PM »
Fleur-de-Lis, artisticgal has said that Caly "gets it," and that she has apologized.  And Caly didn't lose her horse for a year—it was sold and is gone from her forever.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=95723.msg2332234#msg2332234

artisticgal, I'm sorry that you have to deal with the headache of taking things to legal avenues, and I hope that Twi recovers through her treatment.

I missed the update in the other thread.  The initial punishment was that her horse was sold, and she was told she might be permitted to earn the money to buy another one, and this thread related only an extended period after the incident during which Cali had still not apologized.

As for her being "only a child"; she was deemed mature enough to be left sufficiently unsupervised for the situation to develop.

I'm not sure I see letting herself be swayed by "it's so cruel that you can't ride" as having learned anything. Even at 12, Cali should have been able to say, "My actions led to a horse being severely injured and having its career ended; I am not allowed to ride for at least a year," rather than buying in to the "so cruel" line of thought. 

The mucking out stalls and extra year are not for her abuse of Twi, but for her disregard of the punishment she was already under.

Appropriate punishment/consequences? There can certainly be no comparable restitution.  Cali cannot lose more than the OP did, and whatever losses Cali does suffer are merely consequences of her own actions, not consequences of another's thoughtlessness.

When I was twelve years old I did a terrible, terrible thing that I still, sixteen years later, cringe over.  It was completely out of character for me.  And the thing I remember most vividly from that period (and I was seriously in the doghouse with my parents, my teacher, my librarian and my principal for about a year) is thinking afterwards, "What the hell was I thinking?"  In retrospect the consequences seemed painfully obvious, but at the time I didn't think about the future.  I wanted something, so I took it. 

Of course, "She's just a child," isn't good enough, and 12 isn't really a child anyway, but you can't really punish a pre-teen in the same way you'd punish an adult.  Besides, her favourite activity has been taken from her, possibly forever.  That's huge when you're twelve.

Artisticgal, I'm very, very sorry you've been through this and that things didn't work out.

hyzenthlay

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #560 on: February 16, 2012, 09:39:22 PM »
Adding that this appears to have moved to legal territory, I'm guessing Caly is experiencing a big reality check.

I know the OP can't comment but I am guessing the legal consequences are more likely to be on the stable and the trainer who allowed the accident to happen.

Caly was stupid, but is a child, the trainer was stupid without the excuse of being biologically unable to understand long-term consequences.

kareng57

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #561 on: February 16, 2012, 10:38:35 PM »
Fleur-de-Lis, artisticgal has said that Caly "gets it," and that she has apologized.  And Caly didn't lose her horse for a year—it was sold and is gone from her forever.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=95723.msg2332234#msg2332234

artisticgal, I'm sorry that you have to deal with the headache of taking things to legal avenues, and I hope that Twi recovers through her treatment.

I missed the update in the other thread.  The initial punishment was that her horse was sold, and she was told she might be permitted to earn the money to buy another one, and this thread related only an extended period after the incident during which Cali had still not apologized.

As for her being "only a child"; she was deemed mature enough to be left sufficiently unsupervised for the situation to develop.

I'm not sure I see letting herself be swayed by "it's so cruel that you can't ride" as having learned anything. Even at 12, Cali should have been able to say, "My actions led to a horse being severely injured and having its career ended; I am not allowed to ride for at least a year," rather than buying in to the "so cruel" line of thought. 

The mucking out stalls and extra year are not for her abuse of Twi, but for her disregard of the punishment she was already under.

Appropriate punishment/consequences? There can certainly be no comparable restitution.  Cali cannot lose more than the OP did, and whatever losses Cali does suffer are merely consequences of her own actions, not consequences of another's thoughtlessness.


But again - exactly what more do you want to happen to Cali?  We all get the seriousness of what she did.

Steve

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Re: My mare was ridden without my permission. How to handle? update page 30
« Reply #562 on: February 17, 2012, 03:34:01 AM »
I doubt that discussing the punishment required is going anywhere except for a locked thread.

Obviously there are some here that feel the punishment should be equal to the offence, and some that feel it should be "fitting" and educational. The "fitting" is also question for debate, we will never agree on it, but only Linda gets to decide what she will do to discipline her child.

The only reason I posted is that some people here are implying that Caly got off scott free, when obviously she did not. In the early posts her punishment is clearly layed out, it included grounding for a long time (I believe 6 months were mentioned somewhere) and LOTS of other measures. The OP has stated that she feels the punishment was adequate.

So let's all agree that Caly was punished in some way (adequate or not), and leave it at that.