Author Topic: Asking about absent members  (Read 6793 times)

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MrsJWine

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Asking about absent members
« on: January 27, 2011, 04:46:27 PM »
I seem to remember reading about this sometime in the past, but is it ever acceptable to ask if anyone knows the whereabouts of a member?  There are a few that have made me wonder in the past, but most recently there is one who hasn't been on here since before the holidays, and I see no evidence of inflammatory posts in this person's recent post history.  This person has also not been on the site at all in ages, so I don't think a PM would accomplish anything.  If an active member goes missing, and you're a little concerned, is it acceptable to ask if anyone knows about him or her?


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jimithing

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2011, 04:47:24 PM »
I had a similar question. In fact, I just PMed another member asking if she knew what had happened to two long time members, and neither of us know.

hobish

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2011, 04:53:28 PM »
I think the verdict last time this came up was this is an internet forum and though we may seem close it is still just an internet forum and if we were close enough to the member we would know what was up because they would have told us.

I think. I may be wrong. I haven't searched for the thread, that is purely based on my sometimes unreliable memory.

ETA: There are a few people i have wondered about, as well.  :(
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MrsJWine

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2011, 04:55:31 PM »
My thoughts run less to the voluntary leaving of the forum and more to the car accident type of disappearance.  Morbid, I know, but I have firsthand experience with unexpected death and injury, so it's hard not to go there.


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DottyG

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2011, 05:03:14 PM »
I think the verdict last time this came up was this is an internet forum and though we may seem close it is still just an internet forum and if we were close enough to the member we would know what was up because they would have told us.

I think. I may be wrong. I haven't searched for the thread, that is purely based on my sometimes unreliable memory.

ETA: There are a few people i have wondered about, as well.  :(

I tried to find the thread as well (my mind went to the same place yours did - I remember that discussion as well).  But, I can't seem to find it.



RainhaDoTexugo

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2011, 05:06:31 PM »
As far as I know, you're not really supposed to ask publicly.  Threads about missing members tend to get locked.  You can, however, send a PM to a long time poster who you think might welcome it, and you may get answers that way.

smidget23

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2011, 05:09:12 PM »
My thoughts run less to the voluntary leaving of the forum and more to the car accident type of disappearance.  Morbid, I know, but I have firsthand experience with unexpected death and injury, so it's hard not to go there.

I know what you mean. Another poster on a different forum went missing and then when it was noticed and people checked her FB page we found out that she had committed suicide.
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Scuba_Dog

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2011, 05:17:31 PM »
I understand.  There is a certain well known forum member who has just disappeared and I feel concerned about her.

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jillybean

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2011, 05:30:12 PM »
I think the verdict last time this came up was this is an internet forum and though we may seem close it is still just an internet forum and if we were close enough to the member we would know what was up because they would have told us.

I think it was also pointed out that if you were that close you would have some way to contact them outside of the forum; i.e., email, phone number.
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Scuba_Dog

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2011, 05:32:24 PM »

Here is the thread

Whoops.  No it's not.  Sorry
« Last Edit: January 27, 2011, 05:38:53 PM by Scuba_Dog »
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MrsJWine

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2011, 05:33:30 PM »
I think the verdict last time this came up was this is an internet forum and though we may seem close it is still just an internet forum and if we were close enough to the member we would know what was up because they would have told us.

I think it was also pointed out that if you were that close you would have some way to contact them outside of the forum; i.e., email, phone number.

Ah.  That seems... off to me.  I don't feel CLOSE to anyone on eHell, but I am closer to and fonder of some of them than some of my real life acquaintances who know my real name and could get my phone number or find me on Facebook if they wanted to.  And why get special email addresses if you can just PM someone here?  I don't typically share my phone number or email address with people just in case I happen to get into a car accident someday, you know?


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Deetee

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2011, 05:35:50 PM »
If you send a PM they may get a notice in their email so you can contact them even if they aren't on the site. I think it's an option and the default is to be notified.

MrsJWine

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2011, 05:37:19 PM »
If you send a PM they may get a notice in their email so you can contact them even if they aren't on the site. I think it's an option and the default is to be notified.

Good point; I'll try that.

ETA:  And, of course, after I hit 'send,' I notice that this person has been on (but silent) here very recently.  ::)  Kinda feel like an idiot now.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2011, 05:41:41 PM by MrsJWine »


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DottyG

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2011, 06:07:04 PM »
Something to keep in mind.....sometimes people aren't really missing.  They're just not who you think they are!  There have been several "missing" members lately that I've discovered are actually just going by another username now.

THANKS to those of you who are putting in your old name in the thingy underneath your new one!  That really helps! :)


Scuba_Dog

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Re: Asking about absent members
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2011, 06:17:39 PM »
Something to keep in mind.....sometimes people aren't really missing.  They're just not who you think they are!  There have been several "missing" members lately that I've discovered are actually just going by another username now.

THANKS to those of you who are putting in your old name in the thingy underneath your new one!  That really helps! :)



Ah! Very good point!
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