Author Topic: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way  (Read 2646 times)

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veronaz

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #30 on: Today at 04:00:54 PM »
I bet Grandpa doesn't really want to go.  I think this is all the relatives' idea.  ("Oh,we'd love for you to be there, Grandpa.  And don't worry, we'll get someone to bring you.")  ::)

DanaJ

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #31 on: Today at 04:09:21 PM »
An hour's drive away? Is he even in the same city as you?

I'm hoping the huffy tone was more general exasperation rather than specific annoyance at the OP. Hopefully the wife was irritated that none of Grandpa's family was willing to chip in and help out. If it really was trying to make you feel guilty, then they are incredibly inconsiderate.

It's not just unfair to you, but to poor Grandpa.

Gramps may just have a really tough time walking, but could otherwise be a nice, polite person with all his mental faculties. How is he supposed to feel knowing that a total stranger had to go well out of their way to pick him up because his own family with months to sort things out didn't take him into account? He's got to know that his own family kept passing the buck until he got stuck at the last minute.

If the bride wanted him there so desperately, then they'd have arranged something, even if it meant Grandpa stayed and visited with other family members for a week.

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #32 on: Today at 04:13:30 PM »
They can hire someone to bring him. Grandpa himself could hire someone to bring him! Op, you are not unreasonable.

veronaz

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #33 on: Today at 04:16:05 PM »
I bet Grandpa doesn't really want to go.  I think this is all the relatives' idea.  ("Oh,we'd love for you to be there, Grandpa.  And don't worry, we'll get someone to bring you.")  ::)

Why is everyone assuming Grandpa is a half-dead villain?

Everyone?  Really?   ???

I don't see where anyone made such an outlandish assumption.  I certainly didn't.

Raintree

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #34 on: Today at 04:33:37 PM »
I bet Grandpa doesn't really want to go.  I think this is all the relatives' idea.  ("Oh,we'd love for you to be there, Grandpa.  And don't worry, we'll get someone to bring you.")  ::)

Why is everyone assuming Grandpa is a half-dead villain?

Nobody is assuming he is a half-dead villain, but since the OP described him as "infirm" I think it's reasonable to feel there is a possibility he will need help getting to the washroom, and will tire easily, and probably need someone to risk a back injury helping him in and out of the car.

(I've got some experience with an "infirm" family member).

amylouky

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #35 on: Today at 04:46:59 PM »
I don't think I'd sign myself up to ride six hours in a car with any stranger, whether they were 85 and ill or 20 and perfectly healthy. That's a long time to commit to spending in close quarters with someone who you never know, may have an annoying habit of singing loudly and off-key to every song on the radio. Or an unfortunate uncontrollable gas problem.

The request was completely unreasonable, and good for you for saying no.

JenJay

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #36 on: Today at 04:55:54 PM »
Even if he was the picture of health and the life of the party I'd still decline. He lives an hour away, and OP has been asked to bring him and take him home, so that's 4 additional hours out of her way! I might be willing to take him, if I was very close to the family and he didn't need any further assistance (because I wouldn't be comfortable having him rely on me when I wasn't familiar with his needs) but there's no way I'd do both.

And I agree about having some phrases ready in case you get comments, OP. Specifically the lady whose been hounding you. If she says something like "Bride is so upset her Grandpa isn't here. I can't believe you wouldn't bring him." maybe something like "I understand how disappointed she must be. I hope he's not too upset that none of his relatives could come get him."

DanaJ

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #37 on: Today at 05:18:20 PM »
Everyone?  Really?   ???

I don't see where anyone made such an outlandish assumption.  I certainly didn't.

Then I withdraw my post.

blarg314

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #38 on: Today at 08:41:16 PM »

If they try to guilt you at the wedding, practice a surprised and confused face, followed by "I though you/they understood that we couldn't do an extra four hour's driving and still make it to the wedding?!"

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #39 on: Today at 08:49:31 PM »
I think they were more or less okay (if rather presumptuous) right up to the point where you got the huffy phone call.  That's where I really had the problem.  It's unfortunate for them that this is the situation, but how is it your fault, exactly?  It isn't.  She's just going to have to be mad about it, and given what I've seen of weddings, stress might be playing a part in her behavior.  Just go to the wedding and have a good time.  And be sure to bring lots and lots of beandip.  ;)

Roses

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #40 on: Today at 09:24:41 PM »
I'd love to have some great phrases for you to use at the wedding to deflect stupid comments about you ruining everything. The best I can come up with is: "yeah, I'm really surprised that none of his own kids or grandkids were willing to bring him here. How odd..."

This!  Perfect. 

Rusty

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Re: Come to the Party - Oh By the Way
« Reply #41 on: Today at 11:34:08 PM »

Thanks for all the support.    I'm not really too concerned what the wife thinks, I guess I was just incredulous that someone could be so entitled to think we would do it.

DH is going to have a word with is friend, the husband, as he suspects that he knows nothing about the request.  On the whole we get on ok as couples, although the wife and I don't see each other separately, only as a couple situation.  Not because I dislike her, but she is one of those people who kind of takes over every situation.   So, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised!

Speaking personally, if I were grandpa I'd be highly insulted that they thought so little of me that I could be shoved off onto anyone who would have me.