Author Topic: Potluck Weirdness - Would Like Advice On How To Handle It Better  (Read 1686 times)

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Raintree

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I also wondered if he had cognitive issues. Because surely a fully functioning adult with all his mental capabilities intact would not behave this way?

Maybe he thought the food was provided by the senior's centre. Scratching my head grasping for ideas of why he thought he was entitled to the food you had brought for your group.

The only think I can think of that someone could have done would be to say, "Sir, this is a private party for members of the yoga group. We brought the food ourselves, for our group, and we have permission from the facility to use this space. If you have any objections to that I suggest you speak to the facility administration."

LifeOnPluto

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OP I think you did fine.

I would try to find out that man's name and lodge a complaint against him with the centre's management. If you can't find out his name, I'd still tell management about the incident, and give them a description of the man. In my experience, community centres take these sorts of things seriously.

cicero

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OP - like others, i think you handled this perfectly (and for someone who dislikes confrontation, you stood your ground perfectly. I probably would've caved and then been upset at myself for caving).

This man was wrong in his behavior, he had no right to badger you like that (over cake? even the best apple slice in the world? seriously?).

Whatever the reason was - either he is just a grumpy mean guy, or he has some degree of dementia, or even maybe there was some miscommunication (maybe *someone* told them that they can partake of your food), he was out of line.

For future - raise this issue with the facility people, and consider locking the door if possible, giving out entry tickets/badges so the participants are more easily identifiable, or holding the party someplace else

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Diane AKA Traska

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OP, is it possible he wasn't so much impaired, as it was that he had a "no woman is going to tell me what to do!" attitude?
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SoCalVal

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Count me in as thinking you handled it the best you could.  What were the other members of your group doing while you were having this exchange (because it sounds like you were on your own here)?

I, too, think you should find out who he is if you see him again and report him to the facility.



Thipu1

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OP, is it possible he wasn't so much impaired, as it was that he had a "no woman is going to tell me what to do!" attitude?

That is certainly possible.  I've known a few older men who get into the 'Alpha Male' mode that they didn't have when they were younger.   An uncle was living with his sister and tried to get food stamps.  He had a pension so was asked if he paid rent.  His response was, 'Who ever heard of paying your sister rent?'

Where MIL lived, most of the men were sweet but there were a few who had that attitude. 

poundcake

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"This is a private party. You are not invited."

MurPl1

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I would probably email both the group leader and the manager of the facility and report the altercation.  They both need to be aware that patrons of the center are creating issues for other paying members.  I would totally let them know just how upsetting and uncomfortable it was for you.  Honestly, I can imagine that there are people who would just choose not to return knowing they could be accosted by people there.  And that affects their bottom line.

JenJay

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I think you did handle it the best way possible. Your only other options were to give in to him, get in an ugly confrontation with him, or leave. I'm glad you stood your ground and then ignored him when he got nasty!

I hope the potluck is held somewhere else next year or you'll probably have even more party-crashers, since they got away with it.  :-\

Tea Drinker

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There are places that are sufficiently defined-as-public that they won't host private parties: the first place I contacted about my sister's memorial service, I got back a nice note saying that unfortunately, that sort of gathering is considered a private party, so they couldn't accommodate us. But most places where you can arrange to rent a specific space for a specific time don't count as "public" in that sense. They might be "public accommodations" in some legal sense--you might not be able to rent them for an event that was limited to members of the Orange religion or ethnic Plaids--but that doesn't mean you can't have a members-only event as long as it fits those parameters.

Also, if there really was any sort of "you have to let random wandering people in" rule about that location, they should have told your coordinator when she arranged the rental. If there isn't, the people renting the site ought to be told that this happened, so they can warn future renters and/or help find ways of preventing it. Even something as simple as labeling it "Yoga Society Business Meeting" instead of "Yoga Society Potluck," which is hard to change mid-event.

It takes a huge amount of chutzpah to argue, in effect, "I know about this event, therefore I have more right to the food you cooked than you do." And that's what this person was saying: not just taking a plate while things were out for everyone, but that his "I want it" should override yours and your husband's.
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