OP here. Ida hadn't replied to my Thursday email by about 11am on Sunday, so I forwarded it to her work email (I had sent it to her personal email before). I'm sure she will see it Monday and then hopefully reply. We both work for the same company and I really prefer to keep work email for work issues only, but that's just my own belief, not strict policy.
That might seem like a minor point. However, my concern was that she would indeed see the email, but would feel like she didn't need to reply, and then just show up for lunch on Tuesday. Most likely, she would pick somewhere she knows to be fine for me, because she's not evil. But I wanted to avoid the situation where she disregards what I ask for because she has a better idea, the end result is fine, and once again I fail to complain because it feels silly and petty. I feel like that would perpetuate the bad cycle that got the friendship into so much trouble.
My question for you guys is, at what point should I contact her again, if I hear nothing? If I felt the necessity for a third email, it would probably be along the lines of, "I'm assuming lunch is off for Tuesday. If you still want to go, please let me know by X time, and let me know the restaurant." Proactively make her contact me by a deadline--again, instead of the status quo, which is to message me about 5 to 10 minutes before she leaves her office to pick me up, with no discussion of the restaurant.
I wish I could be more flexible, because I know I tend to be rigid. But I feel like with Ida, appearing too flexible and accommodating has made her take me for granted and disregard my wishes. I think it's a simple enough thing to do, respond with the message, "Yeah, looking forward to Tuesday. How about Joe's?" There should be no logistical impediments to that, right?