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  • February 22, 2018, 09:23:20 AM

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Author Topic: She's two months pregnant and already planning her baby shower - SIL update  (Read 17313 times)

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Suze

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http://www.sugarcraft.com/

must be lots of someones who want baby feet

(look up baby feet candy mold - then go to feet)
Reality is for people who lack Imagination

Suze

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PS - the place is very draining on the wallet if you are "into" candy or any cake decorating

and the durn place is within driving distance to me so I can go and fondle all the candy molds and durn-it all they just "stick" to my hand and I have to bring them home.

sigh

I don't go there often

but OP -- first I am soo sorry that you lost your little one.

second -- tell her that you are not going to be voulentold to do anything.
Reality is for people who lack Imagination

Luci

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Diaper candy mold? Oh, my!

Lots of hugs for you. I don't think I would tell them about your loss. I don't think you would get any understanding.

"That won't be possible" is still your best bet. I was volunteered to make items for my neice's shower and declined without giving a reason. I don't think they believed me until I actually didn't show up and they ran out of food.

DoubleTrouble

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Who wants to eat baby feet? :P

When dipped in malt vinegar they are quite tasty ;D

Back on topic, many hugs {{{J-M}}} and you've gotten some great advice. Since it sounds like your DH has your back, just say no. If SIL really wants those things then she can have MIL pay for them.

mimi_cat

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This almost sounds like she's planning her wedding - not a baby shower. 

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I like the idea of creating a work emergency. 

gramma dishes

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I'm not really in favor of creating the "work emergency" because that might work once, but they'll be back with their outrageous demands unless you just deal with them head on.  Without a firm and absolute "NO!" they'll just keep hounding you.

Make clear that though you are thrilled about their upcoming baby and will be happy to attend any shower relating to it, you will absolutely positively not under any circumstances be involved with the planning or execution of said event.

Only you know whether or not you want to share with them the loss of your own child, but in any case I'd makes sure they know right now that you do not consider your family "complete" yet and that you will NOT be giving or even loaning any of your baby stuff.  Period.  End of story.  They need to go to Plan B for that.  Perhaps they'll get some of the things they currently want from you at this elaborate shower they're planning.

I am so sorry for your loss.  It has to be tough enough to deal with that without having all this nonsense tossed in your lap on top of it. 

Deetee

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I think you should let her know once that you won't be doing her ridiculous requests. That can be in person or email. I also give you permission to excuse yourself for the visit. Would your husband be fine with that and be certain to not agree to anything on your behalf?

example email

Dear SIL,

Congrats on your baby. You must be so excited! Anyhow, I just wanted to make sure I let you know that I won't be able to help you with the invites or the candies. I did however find these websites that would do exactly what you need. They even charge less than I would need to for just the materials. The invites are $4 each and the candies are $5 so you should be able to get what you want for less than a thousand dollars.

love

TheBardess

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Who wants to eat baby feet? :P

Jonathan Swift?  ;)
"Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies DO divert me, I own- and I laugh at them whenever I can." -Jane Austen

Literary Adventures! http://thebooksinmyhead.blogspot.com

Ms_Shell

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Who wants to eat baby feet? :P

Jonathan Swift?  ;)

It is the most economical choice, after all.  Who knew SIL was so literary?   :)
"I've never been a millionaire, but I just know I'd be darling at it." - Dorothy Parker

Browyn

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I think DH should call and cancel the visit and tell them that since you just had a mc it will not be possible for you to be involved in the shower.  You are in a delicate state and he does not want you upset.  But don't worry, by the time the shower comes around you should be up to attending as a guest.

Luci

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How did it go?

RedRuby

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Oh, goodness. She sounds like quite a character (and not in a good way). I agree with other posters that saying it won't be possible for you to take on those jobs is perfectly acceptable. I had a miscarriage and having to listen to anyone talk about happy baby stuff right after would have been hard but having to deal with a woman like this would have put me over the edge. I hope your husband can be there when they're visiting and step in to help ease the situation. Good luck.

Dragonflymom

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I think DH should call and cancel the visit and tell them that since you just had a mc it will not be possible for you to be involved in the shower.  You are in a delicate state and he does not want you upset.  But don't worry, by the time the shower comes around you should be up to attending as a guest.

I second this, only if you are not comfortable telling them about the miscarriage I think it is fine to tell them that you are feeling very ill and not up for a visit.  This is true in a way, and you aren't obligated to tell them the complete truth at a time like this if you think it will only make things worse.

*hugs*  So very sorry for your loss.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

evely28

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I just re-read the OP and I am now really hoping this "visit" is just that and not a "were here to pick up all your son's things and by the way here's what you're expected to provide for my shower". It is OK to not loan anything you're not comfortable with and if you don't want or feel up to visitors, head them off quickly.  

Comosum

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Oh my good grief, my deepest sympathies to you, J-M.  :'(

I can only add my voice to agree that under no circumstances should you be expected to have anything whatsoever to do with this fiasco.

It sounds very much to me that your Sister In Law didn't even bother to ask; I doubt very much if the word "please" passed her lips rather, she expected you to acquiesce.

That in itself is unforgiveable and (with the full support of your husband) you must make it very clear that "I'm afraid that won't be possible".

And no, you are not under any obligation to share your loss with her if you don't feel able to or wish to. Take care and good luck.  :)