Author Topic: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)  (Read 27076 times)

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Nurvingiel

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2011, 05:51:47 PM »
I'm the same.

I find that, for myself, I can't stop the tears but I can often keep the crying to a minimum if I control my breathing. I try to breathe slowly and deeply.

Someone who isn't sobbing (that's why I try to avoid myself) but has tears on their face is not going to be noticable at a funeral.

Have a song running through your head that you can focus on.  "Big Girls Don't Cry" by the Four Seasons is my standard.
But, Big Girls Do Cry, as per this very song. ;)
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Bethalize

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2011, 06:18:18 PM »
I calculate the Fibonacci sequence. I used it at my Godfather's funeral on Wednesday last week. By the time I get into three digit numbers it's usually gone off.

Other tricks are looking up (helps in blinking back tears), tongue pressed behind top front teeth and physical pain (a handy drawing pin in your pocket to squeeze). YMMV.

kingsrings

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2011, 06:32:17 PM »
There's no way I couldn't not cry at a funeral, even if I didn't or rarely knew the deceased. I'm an empathetic crier, too. If you can't just let the tears silently roll down your face, you're doing good. That way you're not drawing attention to yourself or being disruptive or distracting. Biting your tongue also helps.

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2011, 08:59:51 PM »
POD to Hobish - aside from 'taking my mind elsewhere' I'm a big fan of fingernails digging in to palm.

Oh, and reaaaaaaaaaaaaallllly focussing on the stained glass windows (so i don't have to watch the family).

If seeing the family walk in makes you cry, and you don't want to cry, don't watch them walk in.

And no - unless you are hurling yourself on the coffin and wailing like a banshee, no one's noticing. They're all too busy trying not to cry  ;)

sempronialou

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2011, 11:10:35 PM »
I can tell you from the experience of being a family member that I'm not really paying attention to who's crying.  I was too busy trying to hold it together because I hate crying in public.  I still ended up crying during my grandpa's, my dad's, and father-in-law's funerals.  I really wasn't paying attention.  I was embarrassed that people were witnessing me crying as well as trying to deal with the final goodbye and all the emotions that go with it.  It's perfectly normal to cry.  Don't worry about it.  

Redsoil

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2011, 11:42:26 PM »
That's tough when you have to go to show support, but feel awkard about showing "too much" emotion.  Funeral really set me off too, after too many close deaths.  The only thing that seems to help is doing whatever you can to disassociate from the emotion at the time - saying poems in your head, making lists, etc.  The other thing I've found that can help with control is to focus very closely on your breathing.  Very slow even breaths, in through the nose (unless it's clogged up) and out through the mouth, gently.  Concentrate really hard on just breathing, and sometimes the emotion will pass.
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Eisa

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2011, 11:46:55 PM »
I'm an empathic crier, too.  :'( I would say that as long as you don't draw attention to yourself [noisy, prolonged sobbing, etc.], no one should have a problem with you crying. And if they do, well, that's their problem. It's a funeral, and someone has died. Even if you don't know that person, it doesn't mean you can't cry for their passing.
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bansidhe

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #22 on: February 16, 2011, 12:21:23 AM »
Not that I think crying at a funeral is a problem (unless someone is putting on an over-the-top performance while doing it), here is a suggestion to help avoid it: Go through the alphabet, thinking of a fruit or vegetable for each letter. Apple, blueberry, carrot, etc.

This works like a charm for me.
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Lynn2000

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #23 on: February 16, 2011, 12:32:47 AM »
Posting for updates... I am not known as an emotional person, but when I get into really emotionally-charged situations like funerals (or sometimes weddings) I can be overwhelmed and start crying even if I don't know the person very well. I don't make a scene or anything, but the fact that I'm crying is often noticeable to the people I came with (say, my parents) because I do it so rarely. I find it terribly embarrassing to cry in public as well.

I do the digging-fingernails-into-palms trick, rolling my eyes upwards, and reciting/thinking about unrelated things. I'm going to reread some of the breathing/muscle tips as well. The mint thing is an interesting one... I wouldn't chew gum, because people might notice and it could come off as disrespectful, but a strong mint or one of those really nasty cough drops might sufficiently distract me as well as relaxing my throat.
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figleaf

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #24 on: February 19, 2011, 07:49:41 PM »
Sigh, I wish any of these had worked for me a couple of weeks ago.  I completely fell apart during my grandmother's funeral.  I tried everything I could think of to stop, but once the dam broke...

The only tip I know would have worked would have been to not be on the first day of my cycle that day, but there wasn't anything I could do to fix that...

M-theory

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #25 on: February 19, 2011, 07:55:48 PM »
Let yourself cry. Being empathetic is a gift.

cicero

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2011, 06:31:46 AM »
I wouldn't worry about what other people might think - again, it's *appropriate* to cry at a funeral. now, if you were to throw yourself on the grave, kicking and screaming, yelling "why? why?", well, now, that would be a tad inappropriate.


I read somewhere that pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth can help to stop crying.

never tried it though.
i thought that was to stop you from sneezing?

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taxing

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #27 on: February 20, 2011, 01:54:42 PM »
I had a nosebleed at my grandma's funeral (after crying). Now that was embarrassing.

katycoo

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Re: Tips to stop crying! (funeral related)
« Reply #28 on: February 20, 2011, 10:11:23 PM »
I read somewhere that pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth can help to stop crying.

never tried it though.
i thought that was to stop you from sneezing?

I've never tried it for sneezing either.  I did check google before I posted that tip though...