Author Topic: From the blog: careless or PA? (couple sleeping in the same room at parents')  (Read 7192 times)

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Jolie_kitten

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I'd venture to say that many mothers would not appreciate a woman that had been dating their son for 3 months sleeping over in his bed.

I can imagine people that I know purposely making the situation uncomfortable by walking in the room.  It is PA and would be better to tell the son that overnight female guests are not allowed, but part of me understands why a person might handle it this way.

I honestly don't understand. If you (general you) allow me something you had every right to forbid, I can only take it at face value that you don't mind it. By then starting to drop all sorts of behavioural hints that you do actually mind it, you will make me feel unnecessarily awkward and I'd most likely end-up thinking your behaviour is contradictory.
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MariaE

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^ Not to mention I'd lose a lot of the respect I might have had for you (g) until then, and actually find you rather silly that you couldn't just say it out straight.

This from a person whose parents did not allow us to sleep in the same room - let alone bed - with our boyfriends when we were younger.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2011, 02:59:57 AM by MariaE »
 
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NotCinderell

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She probably did disapprove of them sleeping in the same bed, and I did think of this on my own, but I still think that it wasn't the OP's etiquette violation.  If it's against house rules that an adult child have an overnight guest of the opposite gender in the same room, then that's a problem between the adult child and the parent, not the parent and the guest.  It's the adult child's responsibility to say to the potential guest, "Sorry, but my parents aren't cool with me having you stay the night in my room.  We should [get a motel room/go to your place/wait until we're married] instead."

The house rules are something that apply to house members and house members only.   Adult children are in charge of handling their own guests.  

Further, if guests of any age are violating house rules and the kids won't/can't manage the situation, it's up to the heads of household to say something to the guests directly and politely, not be passive aggressive about it.  "Son's GF, you should know that we don't allow opposite sex sleepovers in this household.  Son should have told you this."  Then the GF knows the rules and should take it upon herself to obey them.
« Last Edit: February 21, 2011, 10:06:33 AM by NotCinderell »

Jolie_kitten

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POD; that'
s how it was handled with Ex/now best friend, when we were dating. His mother's rule was that we could only sleep together in the same bed at their house after sleeping in the same bed at my place, with my parents' permission. It was him that did the talking each time and let me know of the rules.
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irish1

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This isn't my story but this happened to me! When DH (then BF) and I were in college his parents invited us to stay over at the house so they could meet me. They specifically invited us to stay together in the guest room which made me uncomfortable because my upbringing was much more conservative and that would NEVER have flown in my parent's house. After declining a few times BF convinced me it wasn't a big deal and we went for the visit. It was perfectly lovely, they were (are!) nice people who made me feel very welcome.

The problem came the next morning when we woke up and were getting dressed. I had my jeans on but no top and was laying facedown on the bed looking through my bag. MIL barged right in, no knock, and proceeded to stand at the foot of the bed having a full 10 minute conversation with BF. I was young and unsure how to handle the situation so I just lay there silent and frozen praying she would leave soon. She's not PA just hopefully clueless about pretty much everything. I didn't go back for a while but when I was finally ready to face them again BF had a nice chat about boundaries and knocking and we never had any issues. Still makes me blush to think about it though!


Did she see you?!